Homophobes Need Not Answer - Divorce and Relocation

mildredalien

frankie26 wrote: »

I am not looking to steal or defraud - I am simply saving money as my mother-in-law lives with us and rather than subject my children to a war zone when i file for divorce, I want some money aside for a place for us to move into as I have no close family to go to and also to start divorce proceedings. The savings are not hidden - they are in my name at our address with our bank and it is an existing savings account in my name.
.

It's not about being illegal, just bear in mind that anything you save and don't spend on legal fees etc. will be taken into consideration when assets are split up etc. However if you are looking after some/all of your children and aren't working full time, I imagine they will take this into account in terms of you needing living costs and your (ex) husband contributing.

To be honest I think the relocation stuff is a bit of a red herring, you have obviously thought it through but you need to focus on dealing with the divorce and the fallout from that first and finding out about custody issues etc. Given that your husband sounds emotionally and verbally abusive, as well as physically violent (although not currently to you), have you contacted any domestic violence or women's refuge type support?

Lou67

I would answer, and try to give advice, but I can't because I'm a homophobe

Rottensocks

Lou67 wrote: »

I would answer, and try to give advice, but I can't because I'm a homophobe

Aww, stop taking the pee outta OP!
I'm sure it IS a big world ending deal to have thought you were straight for xx years then discover that you're not!
I imagine this woman feels like many things about her world view have suddently changed with this realisation, so although I agree it wasn't a great idea to make it the driver of the entire thread title, I still think we could cut some slack to the newly out....... If nothing else, its given her the courage to finally consider divorce in an unhappy relationship..

Lou67

Rottensocks wrote: »

Aww, stop taking the pee outta OP!
I'm sure it IS a big world ending deal to have thought you were straight for xx years then discover that you're not!
I imagine this woman feels like many things about her world view have suddently changed with this realisation, so although I agree it wasn't a great idea to make it the driver of the entire thread title, I still think we could cut some slack to the newly out....... If nothing else, its given her the courage to finally consider divorce in an unhappy relationship..

Sorry OP Shame on me... Hope it all goes OK. I was only joshing!

Person_one

Gloomendoom wrote: »

Apparently, it took the OP a lot longer to discover that she wasn't.

True, but lots of people (most?) know much earlier. There's no reason to think the OP's daughter doesn't know her own sexuality just because she's only 15.

Rottensocks

Person_one wrote: »

There's no reason to think the OP's daughter doesn't know her own sexuality just because she's only 15.

True. And there's no reason to patronise the kid by saying "There there, you might grow out of it". Teens go blimmin WILD if you tell them they're too young to be sure about stuff! Ultimately, if your kid tells you they're gay, then I guess you respect them and take that at face value until they tell you otherwise. Or until they try to rinse you for ££ thousands for a gay wedding. Hey ho!

neverdespairgirl

I agree with boht the previous posters. I do think, though, that if it were my daughter, I wouldn't be encouraging her to label her sexuality. But then, I feel that about sexuality in general; labels aren't that good an idea, to my mind, in such an area of life.

tiger_eyes

neverdespairgirl wrote: »

I'd be very wary of encouraging a 15 year old to make such definite statements and decisions about sexuality. It's (as you yourself know, from your own experience) not a binary thing, and pigeon-holing yourself at the age of 14 or 15 doesn't seem a very good idea, to me.

This is how one of my parents responded when I came out to them at roughly that age, and it made me sad, because they were pretty clearly hoping that I'd change my mind. And I never did.

neverdespairgirl

tiger_eyes wrote: »

This is how one of my parents responded when I came out to them at roughly that age, and it made me sad, because they were pretty clearly hoping that I'd change my mind. And I never did.

I'm not suggesting that the OP's daughter should change her mind. But sexuality isn't, to my mind, a black and white issue. (Decides not to make feeble joke about 50 shades of grey.....)

tiger_eyes

neverdespairgirl wrote: »

I'm not suggesting that the OP's daughter should change her mind. But sexuality isn't, to my mind, a black and white issue. (Decides not to make feeble joke about 50 shades of grey.....)

I hear what you're saying, but the problem is that for a teenager, coming out to their parents is often terrifying - they can never be 100% sure that their parents will still love them afterward. They wouldn't risk parental disappointment if they weren't certain. Perhaps you'd react to a straight teenager the same way, telling them not to label their sexuality - I'm not sure (and I won't make assumptions ). But it can be rather saddening for the gay teenager who's taken years to build up their courage to tell their parents. I definitely felt like people wished I'd never come out.