Homophobes Need Not Answer - Divorce and Relocation

neverdespairgirl

tiger_eyes wrote: »

They wouldn't risk parental disappointment if they weren't certain. Perhaps you'd react to a straight teenager the same way, telling them not to label their sexuality - I'm not sure (and I won't make assumptions ).

I certainly would react the same way to someone who was making declarations about being straight at the age of 15, yes.

Person_one

neverdespairgirl wrote: »

I certainly would react the same way to someone who was making declarations about being straight at the age of 15, yes.

Oh come on now, I bet you wouldn't.

Children and teenagers come out as 'straight' all the time, snogging at school discos, writing AD 4 WF on their pencil cases, putting posters of popstars in sexy poses on their bedroom walls, having first girlfriends and boyfriends.

I've never heard of a single parent telling them not to label themselves as straight at such a young age.

neverdespairgirl

Person_one wrote: »

Oh come on now, I bet you wouldn't.

Children and teenagers come out as 'straight' all the time, snogging at school discos, writing AD 4 WF on their pencil cases, putting posters of popstars in sexy poses on their bedroom walls, having first girlfriends and boyfriends.

I've never heard of a single parent telling them not to label themselves as straight at such a young age.

That isn't labelling. That's behaviour, which is rather different, to my mind.

Person_one

neverdespairgirl wrote: »

That isn't labelling. That's behaviour, which is rather different, to my mind.

Well, that's only because straight is the default, people assume you're going to be straight unless you tell them you're not (or you fit a stereotype).

neverdespairgirl

I rarely assume anyting about sexuality, and I think that's a good thing, not a bad one.

Person_one

neverdespairgirl wrote: »

I rarely assume anyting about sexuality, and I think that's a good thing, not a bad one.

Are you sure you don't?

lostinrates

tiger_eyes wrote: »

I hear what you're saying, but the problem is that for a teenager, coming out to their parents is often terrifying - they can never be 100% sure that their parents will still love them afterward. They wouldn't risk parental disappointment if they weren't certain. Perhaps you'd react to a straight teenager the same way, telling them not to label their sexuality - I'm not sure (and I won't make assumptions ). But it can be rather saddening for the gay teenager who's taken years to build up their courage to tell their parents. I definitely felt like people wished I'd never come out.

Absolutely, and it shouldn't be poopooed.

But it's also pretty surprising how impact ful on identity it can be for people who have been identifying *. openly and acceptedly as gay since teens to face a revelation to them selves and their friends they are not. This has happened several times in our social circle ( a genuinely balanced one) and its been most common in men who came out in their teens and were seemingly happily, openly gay and certainly well accepted. The funny thing is, in conversation I have learned the coming out straight has been harder for some of them....a lot of close friendships have been tested ( especially very close female friends).


*its the identifying and defining NDG has 'issue' with she thinks we should identify firstly as people and then see where life takes us. I'm not sure I wholly disagree, however, how I define and think about my sexuality has changed over the years and may change again. I don't . I don't personally feel shaken up by it .

neverdespairgirl

[QUOTE=lostinrates;6231920

*its the identifying and defining NDG has 'issue' with she thinks we should identify firstly as people and then see where life takes us. I'm not sure I wholly disagree, however, how I define and think about my sexuality has changed over the years and may change again. I don't . I don't personally feel shaken up by it .[/QUOTE]

You put that so much better than I put it myself - thank you.

Person_one wrote: »

Are you sure you don't?

No, I'm not sure. Because we all assume things, all the time, and I'm no magical exception to the general human rule.

I try not to - because I don't think that sexuality is the be-all-and-end-all, and that labelling isn't necessarily a good idea.

I wouldn't say I was "straight". I would say I've been living with a man for the past 14 years, and fancy him like mad. That's behaviour, rather than label.

lostinrates

I didn't want to put words on your mouth NDG. As you know, we were talking about it at a time when it had some personal resonance for me as I thought about some things.