A rant but advice please!

neneromanova

lady1964 wrote: »

I didn't say she had only £3k for Australia. What I said was that a policy we had taken out had matured and paid out around £3k. I don't think I said how much she has, in fact I don't even know how much she has. I didn't say either what type of visa she has, but it's a working visa, all approved and she waited for that before booking her flight.

Thanks for your concern though, it's appreciated.

That's good. Didn't want her getting there to be turned around again. I know its only a TV show but you see it so many times on border security on living.

angelil

neverdespairgirl wrote: »

I don't get this - why is living at home with your parents necessarily lazy, childish and restrictive?

In some cultures, it's perfectly normal to have multi-generational homes, with couples, their children, and grandchildren all living together.

But even ignoring that, I don't see what is obviously wrong with not moving out. I'm the eldest of 4, and 35, and I moved out a long time ago, and live in a small family unit of 2 x adults and our 8 year old son.

My next sister lives 1/2 mile from my parents, and is at their house a minimum of twice a day to muck her horse out. Sister doesn't live with parents, horse does (-:

My younger sister, aged 30, does live in the same house as my parents. WHy not? My parents like it, she likes it, they all live together happily and easily, and my sister does pay some rent, plus does a fair share of work around the house. Everyone's happy.

Yes, my sister probably does have a much nicer place to live than if she rented for the same money - she has a huge bedroom, and access to a kitchen, living room, sitting room, and dining room. But if everyone's happy, what's the point of her chucking her money away renting / buying elsewhere just for hte sake of it?

It doesn't make you bad with money automatically - that sister's always been careful with her cash, and now she's earning well she's rolling in it. And saves most of it, very MSE.

My brother's working in South Korea, and when he's home on leave, stays with my parents too, mostly.

a) Most people are not like your sister
and b) It is not normal in British culture generally to live in the kind of setup you describe. That, I believe, is what is being discussed here...not whichever other countries you care to bring up.

Lieja

I think a lot of what's considered 'normal' in British culture is not normal at all for the vast majority of human beings, and doesn't make anybody a better person. Who are you to judge another family's set up?

Welshchick28

Im a 20 yr old and i have a 23 yr old and 19 month old sister i work full time for the past 2 and a half years as a TA so leave the house 8.15 and home for lunch for 30 min each day and dont get home till about 5pm as work in after school club as my mum works long hours i take and pick my 19month old sister from nursery everyday and start tea for her and usually all 5 of us to. I do a lot for my little sister and dont mind doing it as i help my mum alot but I do most of the house cleaning and i do the ironing and i pay rent to my mum. My 23 yr old sister does nothing she would sit home all day and not do anything and i would come home in my dinner time to end up cleaning the house after her and not eat dinner! My step dad work long hours ( farmer so never see him) but he always has a go at me that i dont do enough round the house but i dont think he realises that i do so much. I feel like my little sister is my kid sometime and i keep telling them your luck cause if she was mine they wouldnt help me with anything and i feel i dont have a life anymore. All my friends are in univeristys and always invite me to go and stay with them but before i say yes i always have to make sure that someone can be home in time to pick my sister up. Hope anyone can give me some advice or me and my mum are not going to have a good relationship soon as we always argue about stuff
Thanx

paulineb_2

Welshchick28 wrote: »

Im a 20 yr old and i have a 23 yr old and 19 month old sister i work full time for the past 2 and a half years as a TA so leave the house 8.15 and home for lunch for 30 min each day and dont get home till about 5pm as work in after school club as my mum works long hours i take and pick my 19month old sister from nursery everyday and start tea for her and usually all 5 of us to. I do a lot for my little sister and dont mind doing it as i help my mum alot but I do most of the house cleaning and i do the ironing and i pay rent to my mum. My 23 yr old sister does nothing she would sit home all day and not do anything and i would come home in my dinner time to end up cleaning the house after her and not eat dinner! My step dad work long hours ( farmer so never see him) but he always has a go at me that i dont do enough round the house but i dont think he realises that i do so much. I feel like my little sister is my kid sometime and i keep telling them your luck cause if she was mine they wouldnt help me with anything and i feel i dont have a life anymore. All my friends are in univeristys and always invite me to go and stay with them but before i say yes i always have to make sure that someone can be home in time to pick my sister up. Hope anyone can give me some advice or me and my mum are not going to have a good relationship soon as we always argue about stuff
Thanx

You could start a new thread so that your issue doesnt end up getting mixed up with this thread.

paulineb_2

You know, none of us know whats in store, I know a lot of people who moved back home in their 20s even temporarily because they were homeless after a marriage split. Many people are finding it tougher to get their foot on the property ladder and even private renting, some people cant afford it.

After my grandpa died, my uncle moved home to live with my gran, she had lived with him for 35 years until he died of cancer and the illness and him dying was very quick, 6 months after diagnosis he was dead.

If my uncle hadnt moved back in, we would have been there to support her but he made sure she got through the worst of the first days and months, that she was eating and looking after herself the best she could. We never know whats in front of us and when we might need a family member to move back in with us to give us a bit of support. My uncle didnt give up a home to move back in, he was working and in digs but he did it gladly.

The point Im making is that some people leave home at 16 and dont darken the family door again, but life happens. My mum was more than happy to have me at home until I moved out, same with my brother.

Some families will take rent money from kids, others wont, some people will expect a lot of chores from their kids, others wont. Just because something is expected in one household, doesnt mean its expected in another.

I know many families where people live together in the same house, 3 generations, some families have enough cash to build annexes, extensions and if it works for them, who is to say its not right, regardless of the culture they are from.

meritaten

treat her like the lodger she is! she doesn't pay enough to get her washing and ironing done - or meals to be frank! £30 a week! my youngest son was paying that to me over 12 years ago - and doing his share of chores! and slipping me a tenner or twenty now and again to 'treat myself'.
and if she wants a lift places while owning her own car (how can she afford that if she earns so little?) then you become a taxi service and you need petrol money!
you are not doing her any favours by mollycoddling her - out in the big bad world people have to pay their way - and its high time she learned this!

arbroath_lass

angelil wrote: »

a) Most people are not like your sister
and b) It is not normal in British culture generally to live in the kind of setup you describe. That, I believe, is what is being discussed here...not whichever other countries you care to bring up.

But it is only in recent times that it has become "not normal". Many older couples started out married life living with one set of parents.

neverdespairgirl

angelil wrote: »

a) Most people are not like your sister
and b) It is not normal in British culture generally to live in the kind of setup you describe. That, I believe, is what is being discussed here...not whichever other countries you care to bring up.

I was discussing British culture, and I don't see what "normal" has to do with it.

It is, in any case, pretty normal. My sister lives with her parents. My mother lived with her parents until she married my Dad. My Granny lived with her mother and step-father until she married my Grandad. All looks pretty normal to me.

pigpen

angelil wrote: »

a) Most people are not like your sister
and b) It is not normal in British culture generally to live in the kind of setup you describe. That, I believe, is what is being discussed here...not whichever other countries you care to bring up.

My youngest sister at 25 lives at home with her parents too.. however she doesn't pay a bean and doesn't do a thing around the house. Her former bf lived there for about 3 years too.

Our other sister left at 17, moved back for a while at 22/23ish and has lived alone ever since. She is almost 30.

I lived with them for a year after the birth of my oldest son, I paid half my income as rent and did all the housework and parenting of my sisters then 4 and 8.

I think multigenerational households are very common and normal too.. thinking about extended family members this does seem to be usual.