A rant but advice please!

LisaLou1982

paulineb wrote: »

Some people cant afford to move out at 25. I didnt leave home until I was 26. Just because a lot of people move out of home and get married young or go and live with a partner doesnt mean its going to be the same for this generation or even was for my generation.

Its difficult to get on the property ladder. Its also difficult to get social housing and private lets can be extortionate..

angelil wrote: »

^^ but I AM of your generation (I assume...or at least there's not much in it). We rent. It's €880 for 45m². And hardly in the middle of nowhere either - it's a beautiful town on a major commuting belt. You just have to shop around and get your priorities right. I moved out literally the day I got a full-time job. Difficult? Maybe. Impossible? No. As mentioned above, it's not as if I had oodles of spending money after expenses. It's about having the drive to get out of the parental home and wanting your own independence rather than having a possibly more luxurious and lazy existence under your parents' feet. Clearly some people don't have that drive and need to be given it.

Not sure how old the 2 posters above are, but i am 30 - moved out of home at 18 to go to uni and never went back! I was fortunate that mum and dad paid my rent whilst i was there, but i worked all the way through university and when i left, i moved straight into a flat which i paid for and shared with another person. £500 pcm plus bills at 21 which was shared between 2, when you are earning minimum wage working in a hotel isnt easy going but it is doable.

There are far too many people now who "cant afford" to move out - what that really means is that they dont want to have to have less spending money than they did when they were at home. Or the other - they owe so much money on debt that they ran up to get that new car/ nice holiday etc that they cant budget for rent etc.

So for THIS generation, of "we cant afford a house". You can, its simply that you have to stop spending what you dont have and start saving instead. I managed it, so did many of my friends. None of us were in particularly well paid jobs when we first moved out. In fact, most of us were on NMW.

neneromanova

So she only has £3k for australia for a year? You might find she's not even allowed into the country with only 3k. If she's only got a tourist Visa then she will have to prove to them that she can live for the year and not work. If it looks like she will be working she will be turned around and sent on the next plane home. And that's even if she swears totally she's not going to work. They look at facts. You might want her to look into this a little bit more.

Rottensocks

Difficult age to still be living at home, but increasing numbers of adults live with their parents these days, so its not an unusual situation I 'spect.

I'd increase her rent, as you've already discussed her lack of contribution to the running of the house. Charge full 'rent a room' whack (i.e. £4200 per annum) if you have to: at 25 she has to realise that everyone else out there is paying a huge lump of their salary on housing (even if they do get low pay).

Bear in mind that people only change their ways when there is a good reason to do so....at the moment, there is no incentive to pull her finger out. If she's coughing up £340 per month to you she may decide to a: mends her ways and be a bit more helpful b: decide to move out and lodge elsewhere for the same money!

If she's only mustered £3k for Aus, then she won't be jetting off anytime soon, so you may as well start collecting the rent now. You don't need to tell her you're setting some of it aside (say, a third of it each month) for the Aus trip.

kerri_dfw

Can I make a small suggestion...why not get her and your other DD to do Flylady. They each have to split the tasks each day between them. You could email them the tasks the night before so they have them ready, colour code them so they know who has what task. These tasks take a maximum of 5 minutes each and all tasks are easily obtainable in 30mins for each of them. This doesn't include cooking, but I think a cooking/washing up rota would solve that. There is a flylady thread on here, and I find the tasks more enjoyable because they are small. I, myself, hate cleaning and my OH gets rather annoyed with me when I don't do anything around the house. However, when I'm doing the flylady tasks I actually enjoy them because they're so easily achievable. Turns a mammoth task into bitesize chunks (Just do a search on the forum for FlyLady)

Joons

There's nothing odd about a 25 year old living at home these days, rents are exorbitant and you need a deposit for a mortgage so there's more kids at home than ever before. As for her not doing her jobs, well, sorry but she does this cos she knows she can, you're letting her away with it and she knows how to play you so really you need to ask yourself perhaps you've been a bit too soft over the years hence the disrespect. I am sure having a chat with her will sort it out and if not, don't worry, you've only got 2 months til she goes!

Savvy_Sue

Give both girls a laundry basket and let them sort their own washing and ironing out for starters: my boys were doing it from 6th form onwards, and if they didn't have a full load they were to ask if I had any which wanted doing!

As for the lifts, DS3 was a bit of a nightmare for asking for lifts before he got his bike: my response would be "love to pick you up, but I'll still be doing the washing up you haven't started yet" and he soon learned to do his jobs BEFORE asking for a lift! :rotfl:

angelil

LisaLou1982 wrote: »

Not sure how old the 2 posters above are, but i am 30 - moved out of home at 18 to go to uni and never went back! I was fortunate that mum and dad paid my rent whilst i was there, but i worked all the way through university and when i left, i moved straight into a flat which i paid for and shared with another person. £500 pcm plus bills at 21 which was shared between 2, when you are earning minimum wage working in a hotel isnt easy going but it is doable.

There are far too many people now who "cant afford" to move out - what that really means is that they dont want to have to have less spending money than they did when they were at home. Or the other - they owe so much money on debt that they ran up to get that new car/ nice holiday etc that they cant budget for rent etc.

So for THIS generation, of "we cant afford a house". You can, its simply that you have to stop spending what you dont have and start saving instead. I managed it, so did many of my friends. None of us were in particularly well paid jobs when we first moved out. In fact, most of us were on NMW.

I'm 27. And yes, where I live, house-buying is literally impossible. Houses are for millionaires only around here. Even buying a flat is a challenge - despite being on a joint income of over €50k the bank will only lend us €170k. That buys you approximately a shoebox around here (i.e. something even smaller than we live in now...basically a studio flat). We already live quite far from our workplaces (I have a 3-hour round trip each day by public transport) and as my husband is locked into a contract we won't be able to move to a place where property prices are more affordable for at least another 18 months. In the meantime, we are saving (got almost €10k at the moment but that made no difference as far as the bank were concerned as my husband still has student debt - albeit a small amount - to pay off). Don't you just love trying to get on the property ladder?!

faded_flowers

Lagoon wrote: »

I agree with this. Surely you'd feel ashamed living with your parents at 25?

I'm much happier giving rent money to my parents than to a landlord. And I'm much happier having the extra spends that come from splitting bills five ways instead of one! I'm very close to my family and happy to share chores. I'm (brace yourself here) 28.

I miss the part where I'm supposed to be ashamed?

neverdespairgirl

angelil wrote: »

It's about having the drive to get out of the parental home and wanting your own independence rather than having a possibly more luxurious and lazy existence under your parents' feet. Clearly some people don't have that drive and need to be given it.

Lagoon wrote: »

I agree with this. Surely you'd feel ashamed living with your parents at 25? It's restrictive, too - you can't grow fully as a person whilst still living in that original family unit.

I don't get this - why is living at home with your parents necessarily lazy, childish and restrictive?

In some cultures, it's perfectly normal to have multi-generational homes, with couples, their children, and grandchildren all living together.

But even ignoring that, I don't see what is obviously wrong with not moving out. I'm the eldest of 4, and 35, and I moved out a long time ago, and live in a small family unit of 2 x adults and our 8 year old son.

My next sister lives 1/2 mile from my parents, and is at their house a minimum of twice a day to muck her horse out. Sister doesn't live with parents, horse does (-:

My younger sister, aged 30, does live in the same house as my parents. WHy not? My parents like it, she likes it, they all live together happily and easily, and my sister does pay some rent, plus does a fair share of work around the house. Everyone's happy.

Yes, my sister probably does have a much nicer place to live than if she rented for the same money - she has a huge bedroom, and access to a kitchen, living room, sitting room, and dining room. But if everyone's happy, what's the point of her chucking her money away renting / buying elsewhere just for hte sake of it?

It doesn't make you bad with money automatically - that sister's always been careful with her cash, and now she's earning well she's rolling in it. And saves most of it, very MSE.

My brother's working in South Korea, and when he's home on leave, stays with my parents too, mostly.

lady1964

neneromanova wrote: »

So she only has £3k for australia for a year? You might find she's not even allowed into the country with only 3k. If she's only got a tourist Visa then she will have to prove to them that she can live for the year and not work. If it looks like she will be working she will be turned around and sent on the next plane home. And that's even if she swears totally she's not going to work. They look at facts. You might want her to look into this a little bit more.

I didn't say she had only £3k for Australia. What I said was that a policy we had taken out had matured and paid out around £3k. I don't think I said how much she has, in fact I don't even know how much she has. I didn't say either what type of visa she has, but it's a working visa, all approved and she waited for that before booking her flight.

Thanks for your concern though, it's appreciated.