Someone in my team just got engaged!!! Man I'm jealous!

Lagoon

Saturnalia wrote: »

Just thinking out loud here really. An engagement is a promise to marry, there's no timescale attached, the wedding could be next month or in 10 years time - or more! But most couples tend to announce that they are engaged then the wedding happens within a year or two. So I guess that talking about whether you want to get married one day and both agreeing you would is unofficially engaged, but the proposal and official engagement happens when they are both ready to get married and ready to name the date & start arranging the wedding.

I've never heard of a couple saying they are going to get engaged on such-and-such date though, that seems silly to me.

That was us. We knew we wanted to marry and had talked plenty about our future together, but OH's proposal was more 'It is definitely happening, and now we can start planning rather than discussing it like it's a far-off dream'. Obviously once you start planning, there's only so much planning you do before the wedding date is set.

Brother's doing it perhaps the more 'old fashioned' way. He proposed, then they found a place together, but that was nearly a year ago and they've not started planning a wedding, and probably won't for another couple of years at least. Getting engaged was a stand-alone act to show their commitment, rather than something they've done with a view to marrying in the near future.

I think both approaches are valid, but he's actually received some criticism for his way of doing things. People saying that they're just doing it 'to show other people' because it's not leading to an imminent wedding, and that the fact that they're not planning the wedding means that it 'won't last'. To those people (various generations), not moving on to plan the wedding seems to make the engagement seem 'weaker'.

Guess everyone has their own idea of what's 'normal' and what's not.

Dunroamin

Saturnalia wrote: »

Just thinking out loud here really. An engagement is a promise to marry, there's no timescale attached, the wedding could be next month or in 10 years time - or more! But most couples tend to announce that they are engaged then the wedding happens within a year or two. So I guess that talking about whether you want to get married one day and both agreeing you would is unofficially engaged, but the proposal and official engagement happens when they are both ready to get married and ready to name the date & start arranging the wedding.

I've never heard of a couple saying they are going to get engaged on such-and-such date though, that seems silly to me.

I've heard it often, usually when there's a formal announcement and party involved.

neverdespairgirl

Dunroamin wrote: »

How I agree!

The ridiculousness of the "we're getting engaged at Christmas" statement!

It made a lot more sense when betrothal was a legal step towards marriage that substantially committed the parties.

Torry_Quine

Lagoon wrote: »

That was us. We knew we wanted to marry and had talked plenty about our future together, but OH's proposal was more 'It is definitely happening, and now we can start planning rather than discussing it like it's a far-off dream'. Obviously once you start planning, there's only so much planning you do before the wedding date is set.

Brother's doing it perhaps the more 'old fashioned' way. He proposed, then they found a place together, but that was nearly a year ago and they've not started planning a wedding, and probably won't for another couple of years at least. Getting engaged was a stand-alone act to show their commitment, rather than something they've done with a view to marrying in the near future.

I think both approaches are valid, but he's actually received some criticism for his way of doing things. People saying that they're just doing it 'to show other people' because it's not leading to an imminent wedding, and that the fact that they're not planning the wedding means that it 'won't last'. To those people (various generations), not moving on to plan the wedding seems to make the engagement seem 'weaker'.

Guess everyone has their own idea of what's 'normal' and what's not.

I don't see how your brother is doing things the 'old-fashioned' way. That to me is getting engaged and then planning the wedding which includes finding a place to live. I do agree with those who can't get the idea that an engagement doesn't naturally lead to planning a wedding and that engagements last for many, many years in some cases.:o

zagfles

Torry_Quine wrote: »

I don't see how your brother is doing things the 'old-fashioned' way. That to me is getting engaged and then planning the wedding which includes finding a place to live. I do agree with those who can't get the idea that an engagement doesn't naturally lead to planning a wedding and that engagements last for many, many years in some cases.:o

Many years ago a friend of mine got engaged, and expected that to fire the starting gun to them planning the wedding together. What he didn't know was that his gf had been planning "her" wedding since she was 12 years old and had gone through all the details with her sisters and mother well before she'd even met him :eek:. She really expected him to have no input whatsoever into "her" big day, she even tried to tell him who he should have as best man and who he should invite to the stag do!

The wedding didn't go ahead, but many years later she did manage to find someone else more "compliant" to her bridezilla tendencies!

paulineb_2

As far as Im concerned people can do what they like as long as they are happy.

One of my closest male friends proposed to his gf last year, theyve been together about 15 years and living with one another for 10.

Some people are happy just being together for a long time, some people want a quick engagement and then marriage and some people are happy being engaged for years and then get married.

Each to their own, Id never judge anyone elses way of doing things.
Some of my closest friends got married in their early 20s and they got divorced pretty soon afterwards and they had been together since their mid teens.

Ive got another mate who has been married for the last 15 years, very unhappily and they had two kids in quick succession to try and patch the marriage up.

Some people with the ring on their finger are not happy and some people who are just bf and gf are.

You dont know what peoples life circumstances are until they tell you.

Nenen

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

That's the phrase I have in my head, and even though I can sometimes come across as abit hard faced, and have all these wisecrack replies ready, when it comes down to it, when I'm put on the spot, I wimp out and don't know what to say, I can also be quite emotional too I need to be a faster thinker and more quick witted!

I feel for you Georgiegirl. Some people can be so rude and/or insensitive asking about something that is none of their business. I can vividly remember the pain I felt thirty years ago, after we had been married and trying for a baby for some time, when people, often those who hardly knew me, asked me what our plans were for having children. The worst ones were those who joked about 'the patter of tiny feet' or my in-laws who said in accusatory tones that I was "selfishly putting my career first and thus depriving my dh of having a family". At the time, I was adamant that I didn't want anyone to know we were having problems trying to conceive as I didn't want anyone pitying me but, in hindsight, I wonder if it might have shut people up much more effectively to tell the truth.

Now back to the topic.... I'm very old fashioned I know but, if our 3 children and their friends in their 20s are anything to go by, I do find the order of stages many couples choose today very different to our own youth... It seems to me that most start by having a few dates, then sleeping together, then deciding (and declaring on Facebook etc) they are 'in a relationship', then move in together, buy a house, have children, get engaged and finally get married.

When I met my dh 33 years ago he told me he didn't believe in marriage as it was an outdated institution. I told him that I understood the reasons for his opinion but that personally I thought marriage was very important and I would not consider living together before marriage or sleeping together without love and commitment on both sides; however, I said I was happy to have some fun dates together as friends. I expected that would scare him off but 5 weeks later he asked me to marry him!

We've now been married almost 32 years but I doubt we'd ever have got married if I'd agreed to live with him first! I'd be interested to know if there is any data on the length of time couples are together before getting engaged and whether this differs between those that live together first and those who don't.

OP, I would guess that your desire to have a sparkly ring is more about a desire to have a public commitment and you really need to talk to your partner about how you are feeling.

Nenen

Mrs_Ryan wrote: »

He knows exactly what my feelings are on this- I've asked him before and he's said no so that's that really situation is not straightforward as in just dumping him and moving out as I'm also his carer but he is aware that hopefully in a year's time I'm going to university and I'm moving out then. He thinks at the minute it will just be during the week and I'll be back whenever but I'm going to sit him down nearer the time and tell him straight how I feel. It hurt even more when he introduced me at the wedding to people not as his girlfriend or partner but 'someone who I live with' like I was some sort of lodger which really hurt and we had a screaming row on the way home about everything- it just wasn't an appropriate time or place to say anything at his brother's wedding. Mum said that a wedding wasn't the be all and end all of everything but I know she's disappointed in the fact I'm 32 and still not married..my username is just a very old joke!

That sounds a very sad situation to be in. Why are you staying with him for another year?

lori64

What is it with women and expensive rings?????
Does it prove someone's love??? NO!! Some guys will buy you one, just to shut you up!!

If the ring is a major priority over anything else for you...then you really should NOT be entangling yourself to someone!!
Im a life long singleton....and if I did actually meet the man off my dreams..the ring would be the last thing on my mind!!!

pickledonionspaceraider

lori64 wrote: »

What is it with women and expensive rings?????
Does it prove someone's love??? NO!! Some guys will buy you one, just to shut you up!!

If the ring is a major priority over anything else for you...then you really should NOT be entangling yourself to someone!!
Im a life long singleton....and if I did actually meet the man off my dreams..the ring would be the last thing on my mind!!!

A life long singleton - and bitter much?:rotfl:

Sorry but your post does come across as such.

Your post starts off sounding like it is from a man...then it turns out you are female.

''Some guys will buy you one, just to shut you up'' - is that from experience? Have you been let down in the past?

Surely that should read, ''what is it with SOME women and expensive rings'' - as you are tarring all women with the same brush, then you yourself being female say it would be the last thing you would want - rather conflicting rant, there. I think you are just saying all this, because you HAVEN'T met the man of your dreams and I think when you do fall in love, you will see the romantic side of things and actually WANT to commit your life to him, whereas at the moment, you don't have a romantic bone in your body. Wonder if that is why you are single, as you are giving out the Ice Maiden routine?:eek: