Someone in my team just got engaged!!! Man I'm jealous!

thorsoak

Person_one wrote: »

Um, are you sure it always worked like that? Because my grandma married my granddad in 1959 within a few months of meeting him and had their first child much less than nine months after the wedding. :rotfl:

Oh no- not always 'Twas ever thus .....an awful lot of marriages were "blessed" with very healthy premature babies - and if one looked at the wedding photos, the larger the bride's bouquet often coincided with the premature-ness of the baby!

However "respectability" meant a lot to families in the 50s and 60s - and the phrase "don't bring gossip to our door" was repeated ad nausium (sp?) to us girls as we pirouetted our way out for the evening :rotfl: Girls who were pregnant before marriage were often thrown out by their parents - someone can check out the number of homes for unmarried mothers where girls would go to have their babies. Shotgun marriages were not unusual - condoms would fail, men who would promise to be "careful" would not be careful enough - and it was only the engaged young woman who would get a smidgeon of sympathy for "anticipating her wedding night" as I was told when a neighbour's daughter suddenly brought her wedding forward by a few month. My gentle, doting father added darkly that should I be as stupid as to do the same, I could expect to feel the buckle of his belt:eek::eek::eek:

But almost every family would have one or two weddings brought forward - mine certainly did - and when we suddenly realised that my mother would be 50 only three month after my grandparents' 50th wedding anniversary we felt absolutely scandalised :D

Ronaldo_Mconaldo

If I could just add: If my wife ever referred to me as "hubby" I wouldn't be very happy, in fact she probably already knows that and so never would. But if she had referred to me as "hubby" before we were even engaged let alone married well she wouldn't have to worry about our relationship any more. Seriously, OP, grow up.

C_Mababejive

If two people truly love eachother and both want to make that commitment then a curtain ring,a registry office and a weekend in Scarborough would be just as valuable as all the glitz,glamour,show and expense that people often splurge on weddings that last two years..

Goldiegirl

thorsoak wrote: »

Oh no- not always 'Twas ever thus .....an awful lot of marriages were "blessed" with very healthy premature babies - and if one looked at the wedding photos, the larger the bride's bouquet often coincided with the premature-ness of the baby!

I've been working on my family tree and many children were born within 6 months of the wedding, not to mention lots of illegitimate babies.

Sex before marriage is nothing new.

If it had been socially acceptable, I imagine many of our ancestors would have lived together before, or instead of marriage.

What I don't understand though, when people opt to live together, why such importance is made of an engagement and an engagement ring.

By living together the public commitment to each other has been made, and in this case the OP refers to her partner as 'hubby' so she obviously feels married already. Why the need to a rock on her finger.

neverdespairgirl

Lagoon wrote: »

I can't even answer that one, for you. We were living together BEFORE we became a couple. :eek::p

Torry_Quine wrote: »

I'm confused as to how you live with someone but don't think of yourselves as a couple, sorry.

Can't answer for Lagoon, but OH and I were living together before we became a couple - we were flatmates at university, in our second year, and good mates. Then we started going out (-:

Georgiegirl256

Goldiegirl wrote: »

I've been working on my family tree and many children were born within 6 months of the wedding, not to mention lots of illegitimate babies.

Sex before marriage is nothing new.

If it had been socially acceptable, I imagine many of our ancestors would have lived together before, or instead of marriage.

What I don't understand though, when people opt to live together, why such importance is made of an engagement and an engagement ring.

By living together the public commitment to each other has been made, and in this case the OP refers to her partner as 'hubby' so she obviously feels married already. Why the need to a rock on her finger.

The OH and I lived together for years, were engaged for years, and I never (and he never) felt this urgent need to put a ring on it, but what constantly upset me was other people's attitudes to us not being married. Every Christmas his brothers girlfriend would be like "Do I need to buy a hat yet?!", and that would !!!! me off do much, and the only thing that stopped me telling her where to go, was out of respect for the OH's Mam. Infact, for the last 2-3 Christmases I haven't went round purely because I can't stand the Woman.

My Mam used to get upset when people asked her if she thought we'd ever get married, then after a while she became somewhat immune to it, but it's unbelievable the amount of emphasis that is placed on it, it's like you are treated as an underdog, an old spinster surrounded by loads of cats, left on the shelf etc....never mind that me and the OH had already proved our commitment by buying a house together.

Ever since we did eventually get married, I've noticed (maybe I'm just imagining it?), that you seem to get treated with more respect, like you've grown up at last, you're one of us now, one of the gang! But one thing that I expected and of course has happened, is everyone saying "At bl**dy last! What took you so long?" followed by 20 questions :mad:

I actually feel sorry for the OP and others who are in that situation, it's horrible the pressure society puts on women, that makes them feel inadequate, a failure if they are not married, they're looked upon as "Awwww poor so and so" while the man doesn't hardly get any of this hassle.

As it happened, the BIL girlfriend never did have to buy that new hat....we just never invited her! :rotfl:

neverdespairgirl

securityguy wrote: »

That's going to take us to a very, very divided society, with affluent and/or educated families consisting of one or at most two children, had later in life, with a lot of resources available for their upbringing and education, in relatively more stable relationships. These children will live in the same area, attend the same schools and be with the same parents for most of their childhood. Rates of divorce amongst the middle-classes are low: I can't put my hand, at 2am, to UK figures, but in the US 11% of college-educated couples divorce within 10 years, as against 37% of the population as a whole, and that figure for divorces drops the more tightly you define "college".

Meanwhile less affluent and/or educated families have more children, younger, in less stable relationships and housing. Jobs are less secure and their chances of either home ownership or secure rented housing are lower, and divorce/separation rates are higher. Children are much more likely to be moved from school to school, while being raised in larger families with less time and money.

Social mobility? Think it's bad now?

Did you read last month's Prospect magazine? That had an article called, "Rise of the Super Family" which had many of the same ideas discussed.

paulineb_2

Mrs_Ryan wrote: »

I worked on Christmas Day and one of my colleagues came in with a stonking great rock on her finger then another put on Facebook that his partner had asked him to marry him as well so I did get very jealous I always do when people get engaged I've just had to learn to hide it well. The only time it really upset me was when OH publicly said at his brother's wedding he would never marry me. (despite proposing to his ex three times) Remarkably I was stone cold sober (for once) and got out as soon as could to go and cry to my Mum down the phone round the back of the venue although OH still doesn't know how much that upset me - my Dad was very poorly at the time and I pretended it was to do with that.

But you are still with him yes? Its really important to you to get married but hes said he wont ever ask you.

How do you go on with a relationship happily when your views on this are such polar opposites.

Percy1983

Well on one thing is, if the question of 'when are are you getting married' does your head in, wait until you get married, it just becomes 'when are you having a baby' the answer of we don't want one yet doesn't seem valid so we get asked again and again.

Georgiegirl256

Percy1983 wrote: »

Well on one thing is, if the question of 'when are are you getting married' does your head in, wait until you get married, it just becomes 'when are you having a baby' the answer of we don't want one yet doesn't seem valid so we get asked again and again.

That's the one I'm dreading For various health reasons, it's not that straightforward for us, and I know I'll get upset if people keep on asking me that....I don't know the best way to deal with it tbh?