Someone in my team just got engaged!!! Man I'm jealous!

jackieblack

Lagoon wrote: »

In our case, we thought it was important that we were on the same page with regards to our future plans. Everything from career and where we'd like to live to whether or not we wanted children. Maybe that's not normal!

In which case we're not normal either!

I guess everyone and every relationship is different, what might seem normal for one couple would seem odd to another - wouldn't the world be a boring place if we were all the same?!

Torry_Quine

Lagoon wrote: »

I can't even answer that one, for you. We were living together BEFORE we became a couple. :eek::p

In our case, we thought it was important that we were on the same page with regards to our future plans. Everything from career and where we'd like to live to whether or not we wanted children. Maybe that's not normal!

So yes, OH knew I wanted to be with him before he proposed. He still said he was terrified I'd say no, but he'd arranged a surprise party so I think he was pretty confident!

I'm confused as to how you live with someone but don't think of yourselves as a couple, sorry.

Definitely agree about being on the same page as to your future plans and to me that's what an engagement is for, working together to decide your priorities.

CH27

Torry_Quine wrote: »

I'm confused as to how you live with someone but don't think of yourselves as a couple, sorry.

Definitely agree about being on the same page as to your future plans and to me that's what an engagement is for, working together to decide your priorities.

Flatmates?

Torry_Quine

CH27 wrote: »

Flatmates?

Is that what she meant, that's not what I mean by living together.

duchy

Torry_Quine wrote: »

I'm confused as to how you live with someone but don't think of yourselves as a couple, sorry.

Definitely agree about being on the same page as to your future plans and to me that's what an engagement is for, working together to decide your priorities.

My ex did that ...was seeing a girl casually -when we split up- he moved into a houseshare (where she lived)...she systamatically over the next year got rid of all the sharers until it was just them and then informed everyone they were living together :eek:

Needless to say it didn't last long after that . He thought they were still friends with benefits she was convinced they were a couple.

Lagoon

Torry_Quine wrote: »

I'm confused as to how you live with someone but don't think of yourselves as a couple, sorry.

Definitely agree about being on the same page as to your future plans and to me that's what an engagement is for, working together to decide your priorities.

We were living together as friends, and not in a relationship.

I find this very interesting. The way you did it, what would have happened if you'd already committed to engagement but then found that you had big differences that you couldn't find a way to compromise on?

Maybe you DO compromise, I don't know. I imagine that if I got engaged, and then found out that the person I was engaged to didn't want children, I'd be devastated. Do you break off the engagement, in a case like that?

Family is so important to me, that I don't know what I'd have done. I couldn't imagine leaving OH over it, but at the same time I couldn't imagine having to sacrifice family. Currently feeling very glad that we were almost on the same page regarding family!

(Might be going a little off-topic, but find this very interesting. OP, feel free to tell me to shut up if required)

Lagoon

Torry_Quine wrote: »

Is that what she meant, that's not what I mean by living together.

Ah, yes, that's what I meant.

When you're already flatmates, there is no 'let's move in together' talk. Well, beyond 'we should probably share a bedroom now. Mine's bigger'.

Torry_Quine

Lagoon wrote: »

We were living together as friends, and not in a relationship.

I find this very interesting. The way you did it, what would have happened if you'd already committed to engagement but then found that you had big differences that you couldn't find a way to compromise on?

Maybe you DO compromise, I don't know. I imagine that if I got engaged, and then found out that the person I was engaged to didn't want children, I'd be devastated. Do you break off the engagement, in a case like that?

Family is so important to me, that I don't know what I'd have done. I couldn't imagine leaving OH over it, but at the same time I couldn't imagine having to sacrifice family. Currently feeling very glad that we were almost on the same page regarding family!

(Might be going a little off-topic, but find this very interesting. OP, feel free to tell me to shut up if required)

Although you were freinds and sharing first did you talk about things before actually becoming a couple or did that come later?

I've no idea what we would have done if we had disagreed on something big and there was no way to compromise. I think that if a couple fundamentally disagree then breaking the engagement can be the best option although very sad of course. Compromising is essential in all relationships though.

jackieblack

Torry_Quine wrote: »

I've no idea what we would have done if we had disagreed on something big and there was no way to compromise. I think that if a couple fundamentally disagree then breaking the engagement can be the best option although very sad of course.

And totally avoidable if you've had the discussion before getting engaged.

Torry_Quine wrote: »

Compromising is essential in all relationships though.

Some compromise is essential, of course, although I'd imagine everyone has things that are so fundamentally important to them that compromise wouldn't be possible (and if the other person really loved them, they wouldn't expect them to compromise on)

Lagoon

Torry_Quine wrote: »

Although you were freinds and sharing first did you talk about things before actually becoming a couple or did that come later?

I've no idea what we would have done if we had disagreed on something big and there was no way to compromise. I think that if a couple fundamentally disagree then breaking the engagement can be the best option although very sad of course. Compromising is essential in all relationships though.

No, no talking about anything like that before. Though he did admit after we'd been together for a while that as we'd been such good friends for so long, and he felt that he knew me so well, when he told me his feelings he already knew that unless I turned out to be a psycho girlfriend he'd eventually be proposing.

In actual fact, when he asked me out I was loving the single life and thought that even if I found someone I loved I wouldn't want to get married, as I didn't see the point. I told him that when he first asked me feelings on marriage. My opinion changed once I was with him, and marriage became as important to me as it was to him.