Someone in my team just got engaged!!! Man I'm jealous!

neverdespairgirl

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

That's the one I'm dreading For various health reasons, it's not that straightforward for us, and I know I'll get upset if people keep on asking me that....I don't know the best way to deal with it tbh?

I'd look a bit surprised, and say, "that's a very personal decision, don't you think?"

securityguy

neverdespairgirl wrote: »

Did you read last month's Prospect magazine? That had an article called, "Rise of the Super Family" which had many of the same ideas discussed.

I didn't (not my field). But I've just pulled the article from the library and read it: very interesting. Not, I suspect, news that the left particularly wants to read.

There's a version here:

http://xinkaishi.typepad.com/a_new_start/2013/06/st-rise-of-the-super-family.html

The scandal, to me, is that schools are back to playing "don't get above yourself'", and not encouraging kids who are already disadvantaged qualifications to get qualifications that might provide mobility. Read:

http://tabularasaeducation.wordpress.com/2013/05/28/is-this-an-education/

and understand why there are some things that an unreconstructed old Labour dinosaur like Dianne Abbot and a big bad Tory like Michael Gove do agree on:

A bright, hard working student such as Jayme should have as broad an education as possible. Every child, upon leaving school, should have the choice to go out and do whatever they want. Who could disagree with that? The list of options available to Jayme is now actually quite short. Without a GCSE in science, she could never be a doctor, a nurse, an engineer or a researcher. Without history, she would struggle to get into law, politics or government. Without languages, she would find it difficult to get a job abroad, work for an international company, or become a translator. Fact is, without any of these subjects, the chances of her getting in to a top university are pretty slim, thus limiting her career choices even more.

Dunroamin

Person_one wrote: »

Um, are you sure it always worked like that? Because my grandma married my granddad in 1959 within a few months of meeting him and had their first child much less than nine months after the wedding. :rotfl:

I think that the difference was more likely to be that people had sex with someone they cared about and then fell pregnant because of the lack of reliable contraception. Not really the same situation as having sex with all and sundry (which became possible after the introduction of the pill in the 60s) and then getting pregnant, despite the availability of reliable contraception just because you fancy having a baby, which often seems to be the case today.

securityguy

Dunroamin wrote: »

I think that the difference was more likely to be that people had sex with someone they cared about and then fell pregnant because of the lack of reliable contraception.

And because abortion was illegal.

That's why there was so much adoption in the twenty or thirty years after the second world war. And that's before you have all the people informally raised by their grandmothers (cf. Eric Clapton).

I can't find statistics for the UK, but they're no dissimilar to the US.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Baby_Scoop_Era

From approximately 1940 to 1970, it is estimated that up to 4 million mothers in the United States surrendered newborn babies to adoption; 2 million during the 1960s alone. Annual numbers for non-relative adoptions increased from an estimated 33,800 in 1951 to a peak of 89,200 in 1970, then quickly declined to an estimated 47,700 in 1975. (This does not include the number of infants adopted and raised by relatives.) In contrast, the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services estimates that only 14,000 infants were "voluntarily" surrendered in 2003.

Georgiegirl256

neverdespairgirl wrote: »

I'd look a bit surprised, and say, "that's a very personal decision, don't you think?"

That's the phrase I have in my head, and even though I can sometimes come across as abit hard faced, and have all these wisecrack replies ready, when it comes down to it, when I'm put on the spot, I wimp out and don't know what to say, I can also be quite emotional too I need to be a faster thinker and more quick witted!

neverdespairgirl

securityguy wrote: »

And because abortion was illegal.

That's why there was so much adoption in the twenty or thirty years after the second world war. And that's before you have all the people informally raised by their grandmothers (cf. Eric Clapton).

I can't find statistics for the UK, but they're no dissimilar to the US.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Baby_Scoop_Era

ABortion was illegal, but still happened, of course. Lots of women died or were seriously damaged by back-street abortions, but it was also pretty common for sympathetic GPs to help women in the very early stages of pregnancy.

thorsoak

securityguy wrote: »

And because abortion was illegal.

That's why there was so much adoption in the twenty or thirty years after the second world war. And that's before you have all the people informally raised by their grandmothers (cf. Eric Clapton).

I can't find statistics for the UK, but they're no dissimilar to the US.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Baby_Scoop_Era

There are also instances where babies were illegally registered as children of grandparents/aunts.

Its only when very old ladies tell their stories that you find out.

Person_one

neverdespairgirl wrote: »

I'd look a bit surprised, and say, "that's a very personal decision, don't you think?"

Or look shocked and uncomfortable and say "are you asking about my sex life?"

Mrs_Ryan

He knows exactly what my feelings are on this- I've asked him before and he's said no so that's that really situation is not straightforward as in just dumping him and moving out as I'm also his carer but he is aware that hopefully in a year's time I'm going to university and I'm moving out then. He thinks at the minute it will just be during the week and I'll be back whenever but I'm going to sit him down nearer the time and tell him straight how I feel. It hurt even more when he introduced me at the wedding to people not as his girlfriend or partner but 'someone who I live with' like I was some sort of lodger which really hurt and we had a screaming row on the way home about everything- it just wasn't an appropriate time or place to say anything at his brother's wedding. Mum said that a wedding wasn't the be all and end all of everything but I know she's disappointed in the fact I'm 32 and still not married..my username is just a very old joke!

paulineb_2

Mrs_Ryan wrote: »

He knows exactly what my feelings are on this- I've asked him before and he's said no so that's that really situation is not straightforward as in just dumping him and moving out as I'm also his carer but he is aware that hopefully in a year's time I'm going to university and I'm moving out then. He thinks at the minute it will just be during the week and I'll be back whenever but I'm going to sit him down nearer the time and tell him straight how I feel. It hurt even more when he introduced me at the wedding to people not as his girlfriend or partner but 'someone who I live with' like I was some sort of lodger which really hurt and we had a screaming row on the way home about everything- it just wasn't an appropriate time or place to say anything at his brother's wedding. Mum said that a wedding wasn't the be all and end all of everything but I know she's disappointed in the fact I'm 32 and still not married..my username is just a very old joke!

He can find another carer surely, from an outsiders perspective it looks like you are useful and in a years time, thats a year spent with someone who doesnt seem to make you happy.

Im 44 and Ive never been married, my family couldnt care less, my brother is also 34 and hes not married, he lives with his gf.

My mum was married at 19 and that marriage didnt last, its a sad day when your family are disappointed that you arent married full stop.

32 isnt old. I dont think of myself as old either, if I meet someone I meet someone and if I dont, I get on with my life.
Theres a lot to be said for marrying the right person, thats what marriage should be about. Too much pressure these days for people to pair off just because others have expectations of them.