Someone in my team just got engaged!!! Man I'm jealous!

duchy

Ronaldo_Mconaldo wrote: »

If I could just add: If my wife ever referred to me as "hubby" I wouldn't be very happy, in fact she probably already knows that and so never would. But if she had referred to me as "hubby" before we were even engaged let alone married well she wouldn't have to worry about our relationship any more. Seriously, OP, grow up.

I did wonder if the OP calls his Hubby to his face as well as behind his back.

I do think a lot of men will not propose "early" even if they are sure the partner is the one if they think they can get away with it

I suppose I've done it all ways

Wedding 1 1980 Got engaged - married a year later and moved into our first house after the wedding

Wedding 2 1991 Drifted into BF moving in - decided to try for a baby - BF then went respectable on me and wanted to get married before baby was born once I was pregnant-I wasn't keen -we'd agreed in principle we'd get married but I didn't want people thinking I'd only married him cos I was pregnant so would have preferred to wait til after .

Wedding (to be) 3 Decided early on we were both in it for the long haul and BF made some comment about marrying me at some point in a few years. I had already decided that I had no intention of moving in without at least an engagement and wedding plans as we both own property and it was a potential mess otherwise but kept these thoughts to myself. A few months later he proposed and we're currently planning for wedding next year.

Possibly weddings one and two were both very "of the time". I wouldn't ever though-if I wanted and expected to marry a partner move in and hope he'd propose later on. Either the commitment (if not the actual plans) is already there or there's no point in moving in .........for me (we're all different)

Saturnalia

Person_one wrote: »

The idea of a proposal has always seemed bonkers to me. Getting married is a huge, life altering, legally binding commitment, the idea of one party breathlessly waiting in hope for the other party to decide that its time for them both to make that commitment doesn't really make any sense!

Can you imagine if people 'proposed' other huge life events rather than talking about them and coming to a joint decision?

I'm with you! I can't imagine anything less romantic, or more weird, random and confusing, than a proposal coming out of nowhere when the subject has never even come up in conversation. If I didn't even know that the fella I were dating saw a future with me, I wouldn't know him well enough to commit to one.

zagfles

Saturnalia wrote: »

I'm with you! I can't imagine anything less romantic, or more weird, random and confusing, than a proposal coming out of nowhere when the subject has never even come up in conversation. If I didn't even know that the fella I were dating saw a future with me, I wouldn't know him well enough to commit to one.

But a proposal is that conversation, surely? To me there's nothing more silly than having a "staged" proposal when both have already decided they definitely want to get married . Or setting a date for an engagement - you're engaged as soon as you've decided to marry!

zagfles

duchy wrote: »

I did wonder if the OP calls his Hubby to his face as well as behind his back.

I do think a lot of men will not propose "early" even if they are sure the partner is the one if they think they can get away with it

What do you mean by "get away with it", if he doesn't want to marry why would he propose at all? Or have I missed the joke

littlerat

securityguy wrote: »

Not, I suspect, amongst the products of our finer universities :-)

Many never appeared to have any plans past school - not for jobs or education, their whole plan was find a bloke, get married, have kids, stay at home. Unfortunately in their haste they've forgotten to a) find a DECENT partner and b) be more than just dating before #3.

Some are continuing to do college/uni, but they're a minority. I can't say much on college/uni but mine is health issues and I still hope to go one day!



I can't say I've ever pre thought out orders of things. As things stand I don't consider marriage overly important personally, except for the automatic legal protections especially if having children, next of kin and such. But things change of course.

Ronaldo_Mconaldo wrote: »

If I could just add: If my wife ever referred to me as "hubby" I wouldn't be very happy, in fact she probably already knows that and so never would. But if she had referred to me as "hubby" before we were even engaged let alone married well she wouldn't have to worry about our relationship any more. Seriously, OP, grow up.

Maybe you should be less offended by other people's personal terms of endearment. The fact they're not actually married I sort of get, but the fact the term annoys you that much generally is a bit childish.

Dunroamin

zagfles wrote: »

But a proposal is that conversation, surely? To me there's nothing more silly than having a "staged" proposal when both have already decided they definitely want to get married . Or setting a date for an engagement - you're engaged as soon as you've decided to marry!

How I agree!

The ridiculousness of the "we're getting engaged at Christmas" statement!

Dunroamin

zagfles wrote: »

What do you mean by "get away with it", if he doesn't want to marry why would he propose at all? Or have I missed the joke

I assumed that Duchy was referring to the old saying " why keep a cow when you can get the milk for free".

Torry_Quine

jackieblack wrote: »

Exactly!
But how do you do that if you don't discuss these things BEFORE getting engaged?
Unless you don't consider 'getting engaged' to be making a commitment to marry?

:think: Maybe we're just disagreeing about at what point you're committed to getting married?
For us, we had the discussions, then decided/committed to marry and 'got engaged'.
For you, it sounds like you got engaged, then had the discussions, then committed to marry?

As I said, all relationships are different, each to their own etc. If it worked for you that way, great! I'm happy for you.

As I said maybe I was just very naive but obviously we had talked about things and knew each others position but got engaged on the basis that we loved each other and nothing else. We were committed at that point but having known each other for only six months had a lot to learn. To be honest until you are married and living together you can only surmise how it will be.

zagfles wrote: »

But a proposal is that conversation, surely? To me there's nothing more silly than having a "staged" proposal when both have already decided they definitely want to get married . Or setting a date for an engagement - you're engaged as soon as you've decided to marry!

I agree here. To me if you've had a conversation and agreed to marry then you are engaged then and any proposal is superfluous at that point. You certainly can't set a date to get engaged as you say.

zagfles

Dunroamin wrote: »

I assumed that Duchy was referring to the old saying " why keep a cow when you can get the milk for free".

:rotfl:Thanks - but doesn't really apply in the 21st century! Even last one (when I got married). My wife wanted to do the traditional thing of waiting till we're married to move in with me (I was living alone), so getting married saved me a lot of money since we had two incomes to pay all the household bills when she moved in!

So maybe the saying should be "why just get free milk when the cow can give free gas too", err, maybe put slightly differently

Saturnalia

Just thinking out loud here really. An engagement is a promise to marry, there's no timescale attached, the wedding could be next month or in 10 years time - or more! But most couples tend to announce that they are engaged then the wedding happens within a year or two. So I guess that talking about whether you want to get married one day and both agreeing you would is unofficially engaged, but the proposal and official engagement happens when they are both ready to get married and ready to name the date & start arranging the wedding.

I've never heard of a couple saying they are going to get engaged on such-and-such date though, that seems silly to me.