Someone in my team just got engaged!!! Man I'm jealous!

paulineb_2

pigpen wrote: »

I know 2 men who spent their stag night with other women and one even got ready at his womans house, went to the church and married my friend.. Some people should just be cats!

I think that for some people, they want to get married young then panic stations sets in. Two of my friends got married at 21 and at 23, both had been with their partner for about 5 or 6 years and both were with their first serious partners. But on the run up to the weddings both were having serious wobbles, in one of the cases because her partner to be had started being violent, but she married him, things didnt improve, met someone else we knew from school randomly on a night out, they started seeing one another, 6 months later she was pregnant and they married about a year later and are still together 20 years on.

In the case of the girl I spoke about above, she had also had a bit of a fling with her cousins bfs mate before she was married and as far as Im aware she did really want to marry her husband but I do think that for some men and women, reality starts to bite that this is it, if you stay with someone you wont be seeing anyone else again, sleeping with anyone else again and you add a bit of doubts and unhappiness into the mix with some alcohol and bingo, you are sleeping with someone else.

A couple of my friends who were having doubts were obviously approached by someone and if you are unhappy and someone says, I always fancied you but didnt think you liked me, it can be a dangerous situation.

Both the girls I spoke about above are divorced, the other girl I spoke about earlier is still with her husband.

I was also approached by a guy who had given me his number, this was about 20 years or so ago, he was single, I was single, his mate told me he liked me, I called him, he was rude and obnoxious to me so nothing ever happened then I met him on his stag night and he told me he had been trying to find me for the last 18 months or so.

He was very politely told to GTF and I know not everyone is like that but some people are and why the hell do people who dont know what they want even contemplate getting wed in the first place?

pigpen

I just don't get the sleeping with a variety of people.. I've only ever slept with the one I married and the one I have been with for just over 4 years now.. my friend once had more encounters than that in a 24 hour period! :eek:

I got married at 19 and it never even crossed my mind it wasn't forever and that there would ever be anybody else... then his mid life crisis hit

paulineb_2

To be honest I think people change so much between their teens and their early 30s, its a wonder anyone stays married at all and that might sound flippant, its not meant to be. My gran met my grandpa at 15, he was 7 years older and they didnt start dating for some years but they were married 35 years until he died.

So, lifelong marriages can and do work. But in my friends case, both of them. One started dating her bf at 16 and the other 17. A few years of dating, then an engagement ring then big fancy weddings, about 20 years ago 10 grand was quite a lot to spend on a wedding and then the invitations are out and everythings in full swing and then ooops. Im not sure if Im happy.

Both of these friends asked me should they go ahead with the weddings, my answer was no, certainly not. I have to say that the guy who hit his then gf hit her on a night out at Christmas in front of about ten of us so I saw it. But pressure was applied to her to go through with it and she did go through with it.

The other girl wasnt happy, married him and they were together maybe about 7 or 8 years. I remember meeting her mum and her mum saying they were as happy as larry, I thought I dont think so, was no surprise to me when they divorced.

Personally, apart from the legal aspects, I think theres a lot to be said for people just living together. My brother and his gf have been together about 8 years, live together and are happy. I do think that both of my friends got married and even engaged because it was what people expected of them, you've been together 5 years or so, next step engagement and marriage, without actually stopping to think was it what they really wanted and were their partners the right one for them.

Theres a lot of pressure to couple off, never mind get engaged and married. Its just whats expected of people.

pickledonionspaceraider

pigpen wrote: »

I just don't get the sleeping with a variety of people.. I've only ever slept with the one I married and the one I have been with for just over 4 years now.. my friend once had more encounters than that in a 24 hour period! :eek:

I got married at 19 and it never even crossed my mind it wasn't forever and that there would ever be anybody else... then his mid life crisis hit

Rather judgemental for one with limited life experience. Seems you got married at 19, been with your OH for four years, so that would make you 23 now.

I do hope that works out for you, and you don't ever have to find out the reason why people sleep with a 'variety' (as you put it) of people. Not everyone is as blessed as you to meet their soul mate at 19 years of age, so please do not look down your nose at others who have kissed frogs to find their prince!

Putting your friends personal life on an internet forum for strangers, in an attempt to make yourself feel good is seriously unclassy.

Gavin83

I honestly don't get the idea of not discussing future plans until after the engagement. Me and my girlfriend both know what we want in the future and therefore know if we're suited. I don't want children though which is obviously a pretty big life choice and potential issue so maybe I feel the need to get this out quickly. I wouldn't get more than a few months into a relationship without bringing it up.

I do fully understand the reasons people would want to get married. What completely confuses me is the people who stress about it and I think considering ending a perfect relationship because they haven't proposed is nothing short of crazy. Each to their own though.

I'm not really bothered about marriage. My girlfriend would definately want to get married so we will at some point. We've been together 6 1/2 years and I honestly don't see the rush, theres a whole life ahead of us.

pigpen

pickledonionspaceraider wrote: »

Rather judgemental for one with limited life experience. Seems you got married at 19, been with your OH for four years, so that would make you 23 now.

er.. no... I married at 19 (met at 14) was with this total sphincter for many years (20 years in total) before he had an affair and left (not before time) and I have been with OH 4 years.

Not judgemental at all. And my friend makes no secret about her promiscuity.. her facebook updates would make a hooker blush!

23.. pmsl.. my son is 22!! ... made me giggle

pickledonionspaceraider

pigpen wrote: »

er.. no... I married at 19 was with a total sphincter for many years (20 years in total) before he had an affair and left (not before time) and I have been with OH 4 years.

Not judgemental at all. And my friend makes no secret about her promiscuity.. her facebook updates would make a hooker blush!

23.. pmsl.. my son is 22!! ... made me giggle

Ohh dear, my apologies I misread

sulphate

We got married because we wanted to and it was a "life goal" so much as buying a house and having children is.

I can't stand it though when couples, after they have done something like get engaged, get married, buy a house, get pregnant, start asking people "when are you going to get engaged/married/buy a house/have a child?" therefore assuming that because they have done it everyone else must want to as well.

I think people just assume their partner will want the same things as them, i.e. marriage and children (or not) and don't think of discussing the important things, perhaps because they're blown away by things that aren't significant in the long run.

Dunroamin

pigpen wrote: »

er.. no... I married at 19 (met at 14) was with this total sphincter for many years (20 years in total) before he had an affair and left (not before time) and I have been with OH 4 years.

Not judgemental at all. And my friend makes no secret about her promiscuity.. her facebook updates would make a hooker blush!

23.. pmsl.. my son is 22!! ... made me giggle

Perhaps you wouldn't have put up with the "sphincter" if you hadn't married so young and with so little experience?

Torry_Quine

Dunroamin wrote: »

Plenty of Christians live together without being married so it's hardly a forgone conclusion that you wouldn't.

I have to say that I'd be very reluctant to marry someone without knowing that their lifetime plans were on similar lines to mine, or at least without giving us both the opportunity to seek acceptable compromises.

Many couples who move in together are doing this as part of the getting to know each other process rather than because they're making a lifetime commitment to each other.

Sadly true that many Christians do live together before marriage.

Some couples do move in together as getting to know you but then what happens when they realise that they want different things. To me living together should be as big a commitment as marriage and not something that can be treated casually as possibly only temporary.

I totally agree that it's not a good idea to marry someone without knowing about future plans.