Someone in my team just got engaged!!! Man I'm jealous!

thorsoak

pickledonionspaceraider wrote: »

Rather judgemental for one with limited life experience. Seems you got married at 19, been with your OH for four years, so that would make you 23 now.

I do hope that works out for you, and you don't ever have to find out the reason why people sleep with a 'variety' (as you put it) of people. Not everyone is as blessed as you to meet their soul mate at 19 years of age, so please do not look down your nose at others who have kissed frogs to find their prince!

Putting your friends personal life on an internet forum for strangers, in an attempt to make yourself feel good is seriously unclassy.

Please do not "look down your nose" at those of us who met their lifetime partners at an early age, who married early, grew up together, and who remained faithful to each other for over 40 years.

It does not matter that we rowed like mad at times - the making up was always as passionate as the rows and just as good. Some people are lucky, others are not, some content, some never will be, regardless of how many sexual partners they have.

thorsoak

I have have just realised just how old I am ........a friend of mine sued her ex OH for breach of promise ....he pulled out of the engagement just six weeks before the wedding, which my friend had virtually paid for (including deposit on the house that he was now attempting to sell). She was awarded damages amounting to the amounts that she had paid out, plus £500 (lot of money in the early 60s) for her hurt feeligs and loss of reputations. She also retained ownership of the big rock (which she sold, pdq!)

I now discover that breach of promise as a civil case was repealed in 1970!

Dunroamin

Torry_Quine wrote: »

Sadly true that many Christians do live together before marriage.

Some couples do move in together as getting to know you but then what happens when they realise that they want different things. To me living together should be as big a commitment as marriage and not something that can be treated casually as possibly only temporary.

I totally agree that it's not a good idea to marry someone without knowing about future plans.

If living together were as big a commitment as marriage then it would be a marriage, that's the whole point. When/if you find you want different things then you can move on because there isn't a commitment - better to do that than find out after you're married!

pigpen

Dunroamin wrote: »

Perhaps you wouldn't have put up with the "sphincter" if you hadn't married so young and with so little experience?

Sadly we are not all blessed with psychic abilities to predict the future. I doubt many people enter into what they feel is a forever relationship expecting that 20 years later that it will all fall to pieces.

pickledonionspaceraider

thorsoak wrote: »

Please do not "look down your nose" at those of us who met their lifetime partners at an early age, who married early, grew up together, and who remained faithful to each other for over 40 years.

It does not matter that we rowed like mad at times - the making up was always as passionate as the rows and just as good. Some people are lucky, others are not, some content, some never will be, regardless of how many sexual partners they have.

I wasn't 'looking down my nose' thorsoak. As I said, people who met their partners at an early age were blessed - that is exactly what I said.

I do believe that many people who spent years hoping to meet Mr Right, would rather have met him years before, than spend many years in heartbreak or lonely

I do think a lot of it is luck rather than judgement when getting married very young, as PigPen says, no one knows how things will turn out. My parents married when they were in their teens - and have just celebrated 44 years of wedded bliss, but as teenagers when they wed, there were no guarantees - and they have both changed a lot over the years.

ViolaLass

pigpen wrote: »

Sadly we are not all blessed with psychic abilities to predict the future. I doubt many people enter into what they feel is a forever relationship expecting that 20 years later that it will all fall to pieces.

Dunroamin' didn't say that you should have been psychic, rather that more experience and less hurry might have served you well. It's advice that would suit any 19-year-old, I suspect.

Person_one

ViolaLass wrote: »

Dunroamin' didn't say that you should have been psychic, rather that more experience and less hurry might have served you well. It's advice that would suit any 19-year-old, I suspect.

The thought of still being with the person I was with when I was 19 is pretty horrific!

That said, my mum and dad married at 20 and 21 and its their 30th anniversary this year, still very happy. Horses for courses I suppose.

pigpen

ViolaLass wrote: »

Dunroamin' didn't say that you should have been psychic, rather that more experience and less hurry might have served you well. It's advice that would suit any 19-year-old, I suspect.

I got married because I wanted to be with him forever.. he then turned into a prize pig.. If he had stayed the same it would all have been fine.. but it didn't and I was not prepared to watch my children suffer. And if by experience it means sleeping with more people.. I'm glad I didn't, that is not who I am and I doubt I am the only one.

If my 19 y/o wanted to marry who would I be to stop them.. The only reason I would interfere is if they were already displaying controlling or abusive behaviour..

I would never have thought he would disown any of our children either but he did. I never thought he would do a lot of the things he has..

It is like snorting scorn at a 60 year old whose husband left because they 'changed' into something subhuman in the last 20 years since they got marred. There isn't a 'right' time .. it doesn't come down to age it comes down to the type of people they are and the type of experiences each has and how they allow themselves to grow. I am bizarrely just the same if a little more bolshy and a lot more cynical..

littlerat

My parents were married from their early 20s for 19 years - my Mum died, there was no reason to think it wouldn't have been for live if she hadn't.

I've also seen plenty of people who got married (often for a 2nd or third time) much later - those have ended. I doubt age at the time of marriage makes that much difference to the outcome.


I do sometimes wonder why people divorce so much now, if people maybe don't work at marriages as hard? Not saying people should have to stay together, and obviously the fact people no longer end up obliged as often to stay in abusive marriages is great, but it's odd that when people seem to be together longer before marriage and kids, the marriages are lasting less.

duchy

To be fair -unless you've experienced your partner hitting that mid-life crisis and having a complete turnaround in their morals, attitudes-everything. It is very hard to understand how someone can change that much and there is an assumption that they were always like that and the spouse was deluded or ignoring the warning signs.