Someone in my team just got engaged!!! Man I'm jealous!

Person_one

Torry_Quine wrote: »

Maybe so but to me once you call someone your partner then it's something that should be treated as seriously as if you are married. I don't see it as a stepping stone to see if things work out and possibly marry

Sorry Torry, but this is sounding a bit weird.

You don't seem to think there should be any 'stages' or gradually increasing levels of commitment. Once you call somebody 'partner' you have to act and think as though you're married to them? That's insane!

Marriage is marriage, if that's what people want its an option (for most anyway) but there's nothing wrong with taking your time and not being sure yet whether your current partner is one you want around forever. There's no deadline!

Lagoon

Dunroamin wrote: »

I really object to the use of the term partner when someone is only a boy/girlfriend. It's very misleading and I wonder whether it's the person who's keener on the relationship who initiates its use.

I used partner when we were boyfriend and girlfriend. Not at first, but after a while you're closer to that person and boyfriend and girlfriend start feeling a little childish, and as though they don't properly represent the relationship.

Person_one

Dunroamin wrote: »

I really object to the use of the term partner when someone is only a boy/girlfriend. It's very misleading and I wonder whether it's the person who's keener on the relationship who initiates its use.

Do you not think its a bit presumptuous to object to how somebody else chooses to define their relationship? Apart from engagement and marriage there are no other clear and unambiguous 'labels' that everybody agrees on. Older women can feel silly referring to their 'boyfriend', while a couple can definitely feel like partners in the truest sense of the word without living together.

Torry_Quine

Dunroamin wrote: »

Most flat mates don't share a bed!

No they don't but you said 'sharing to save on rent' which is surely flatmates not a couple. :rotfl:

Dunroamin wrote: »

I really object to the use of the term partner when someone is only a boy/girlfriend. It's very misleading and I wonder whether it's the person who's keener on the relationship who initiates its use.

I agree here. To me a partner is someone you live with as married.

Lagoon wrote: »

I used partner when we were boyfriend and girlfriend. Not at first, but after a while you're closer to that person and boyfriend and girlfriend start feeling a little childish, and as though they don't properly represent the relationship.

Hence the confusion. If a two people are going out but not living together or engaged then they are to me at least boyfriend/girlfriend.

Tropez

Lagoon wrote: »

I used partner when we were boyfriend and girlfriend. Not at first, but after a while you're closer to that person and boyfriend and girlfriend start feeling a little childish, and as though they don't properly represent the relationship.

That's how I feel about it.

My partner and I have been together for more than six years now. Referring to her as my "girlfriend" seems to understate the relationship, as to me a "girlfriend" is a new and only semi-serious romantic partner but really it is up to the people concerned how they define their relationship. I know some people who have been together longer than my partner and I and refer to each other as boyfriend/girlfriend so clearly they don't share the same associations with the words as I do.

securityguy

Torry_Quine wrote: »

Hence the confusion. If a two people are going out but not living together or engaged then they are to me at least boyfriend/girlfriend.

I'm sure that they'll be happy to be put right by you.

Dunroamin

Person_one wrote: »

Do you not think its a bit presumptuous to object to how somebody else chooses to define their relationship? Apart from engagement and marriage there are no other clear and unambiguous 'labels' that everybody agrees on. Older women can feel silly referring to their 'boyfriend', while a couple can definitely feel like partners in the truest sense of the word without living together.

Just to clarify. I used to work with teenagers who were lone parents who always referred to their partners. After some discussion, it frequently turned out that this person wasn't the child's father, they didn't live together and they'd only been in a relationship for a few weeks or months at most. I'm afraid that to me they were boy and girl friend and not partners.

The word came into use originally for people who were living together when unmarried and (to a lesser extent) for older people who found the boy/girl bit inappropriate. If teenagers are using the word partner for a casual boyfriend, it still leaves no suitable word for the person you live with as husband and wife, so the problem that was solved years ago still exists.

Dunroamin

Torry_Quine wrote: »

No they don't but you said 'sharing to save on rent' which is surely flatmates not a couple. :rotfl:

.

Couples are allowed to want to save money as well!

Person_one

Dunroamin wrote: »

The word came into use originally for people who were living together when unmarried and (to a lesser extent) for older people who found the boy/girl bit inappropriate. If teenagers are using the word partner for a casual boyfriend, it still leaves no suitable word for the person you live with as husband and wife, so the problem that was solved years ago still exists.

I don't think it was 'solved years ago', I think its always been up in the air. Lots of people think 'partner' just means a same sex partner, or should only refer to a business partner.

There are no rules on this, unless you're fianc!/fiancee or husband/wife, essentially. You can call each other partner, other half, significant other, ball and chain or him indoors up until then and its not really anybody else's place to tell you that you're doing it wrong!

Torry_Quine

securityguy wrote: »

I'm sure that they'll be happy to be put right by you.

It's not that I'm correcting them but pointing out what partner means to me and many others. If someone introduced me their partner then I would think it was the person they lived with as if married.

Dunroamin wrote: »

Just to clarify. I used to work with teenagers who were lone parents who always referred to their partners. After some discussion, it frequently turned out that this person wasn't the child's father, they didn't live together and they'd only been in a relationship for a few weeks or months at most. I'm afraid that to me they were boy and girl friend and not partners.

The word came into use originally for people who were living together when unmarried and (to a lesser extent) for older people who found the boy/girl bit inappropriate. If teenagers are using the word partner for a casual boyfriend, it still leaves no suitable word for the person you live with as husband and wife, so the problem that was solved years ago still exists.

Have to agree. Partner means the person you are completely sharing your life with such as home, financial responsibility etc.

Dunroamin wrote: »

Couples are allowed to want to save money as well!

Of course but when you talked of people moving in together to save money it appeared to be different to an alternative to marriage and I really didn't think you meant couples here.

Usually on MSE people are working out if they can move in together as money will drop.