Someone in my team just got engaged!!! Man I'm jealous!

Gavin83

I have been with my girlfriend for 6 1/2 years and living together for half of that and I still call her my girlfriend. I hate the term partner. I'll continue calling her my girlfriend until we're married.

Seems everyone has their own ways.

DevilsAdvocate1

sterl1ng wrote: »

Whilst I'm happy for my colleague I feel jealous at same time (her and my other engaged female colleague are now talking about insurances to protect their rings!) I know itmakes me totally selfish and espeically having just looked at the HUGE rock on her finger but when will it be my time :S....hubby isn't working at mo so wouldn't be able to buy a ring as he wou'ldn't feel ready to but I'm starting to get impatient! I'm not going to ask him as really I'd prefer he did.

Has anyone else felt like this?

I am married now and have been for 18 years but I remember feeling like this. Then one day, my then boyfriend said something which made me realise that he would never propose. He intended to stay at home with his parents. TBH, I think it was more a confidence thing, I don't think he thought anyone would want to marry him, so he hadn't even considered it.

Anyway, I finished with him a couple of weeks later, explaining that I wanted marriage, children etc. For the next two weeks, when he tried to ring me I hung up. Eventually, he persuaded me to meet him for one last time to swap our things back. However, when he saw me he decided he would have to marry me. Two years later we did.

It maybe that he hasn't considered marriage. I think it would be worth trying to have a conversation about what the future holds to see if he sees marriage in his future or not.

Dunroamin

Torry_Quine wrote: »

Of course but when you talked of people moving in together to save money it appeared to be different to an alternative to marriage and I really didn't think you meant couples here.

Usually on MSE people are working out if they can move in together as money will drop.

You're spending too much time on MSE - most people IRL don't live on benefits.;):)

Torry_Quine

Dunroamin wrote: »

You're spending too much time on MSE - most people IRL don't live on benefits.;):)

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

Dunroamin

Person_one wrote: »

I don't think it was 'solved years ago', I think its always been up in the air. Lots of people think 'partner' just means a same sex partner, or should only refer to a business partner.

There are no rules on this, unless you're fianc!/fiancee or husband/wife, essentially. You can call each other partner, other half, significant other, ball and chain or him indoors up until then and its not really anybody else's place to tell you that you're doing it wrong!

It really was pretty well sorted.

Years ago, when living together became socially acceptable, how you referred to the person you lived with or had a marriage like relationship was considered to be something of a problem. I can remember newspaper articles (the days of the Guardian Women page) discussing this with terms like partner, other half, significant other, lover and even inamorata being bandied around. When the dust settled, it seemed that most people in this situation had chosen to use the word partner and everybody understood this, just as they understand fiance(e)/husband/wife.

It really is a comparatively recent development for anybody to use partner for a person who they're not in a long term relationship with and with whom they don't cohabit. Equally, the term predates gay civil partnerships by many years.

Person_one

Dunroamin wrote: »

It really was pretty well sorted.

Years ago, when living together became socially acceptable, how you referred to the person you lived with or had a marriage like relationship was considered to be something of a problem. I can remember newspaper articles (the days of the Guardian Women page) discussing this with terms like partner, other half, significant other, lover and even inamorata being bandied around. When the dust settled, it seemed that most people in this situation had chosen to use the word partner and everybody understood this, just as they understand fiance(e)/husband/wife.

It really is a comparatively recent development for anybody to use partner for a person who they're not in a long term relationship with and with whom they don't cohabit. Equally, the term predates gay civil partnerships by many years.

Sorry, but I don't think you can speak for everybody on this one. My experience is different. It might be relatively new to refer to a partner you don't live with in that way, but there's never been an absolute and accepted by everybody 'standard'. I know a lot of older people who still sneer at the word as if its pretentious, or assume a same sex relationship (its been used by gay couples long before it ever had the word 'civil' in front of it, as I'm sure you know!)

Georgiegirl256

Dunroamin wrote: »

I really object to the use of the term partner when someone is only a boy/girlfriend. It's very misleading and I wonder whether it's the person who's keener on the relationship who initiates its use.

There's nothing wrong with that term at all IMO. Before I got married, I used it to refer to my now husband. Boyfriend seemed so immature, so teenagerish, and I hated the term fianc!, which to me sounded so poncy!

I hate titles, and partner to me seemed the best way to describe him.

To me, if I hear someone describe their OH as their partner, I usually assume that they aren't married, purely because if they were, then surely they'd say husband/wife.

Georgiegirl256

Torry_Quine wrote: »

No they don't but you said 'sharing to save on rent' which is surely flatmates not a couple. :rotfl:



I agree here. To me a partner is someone you live with as married.



Hence the confusion. If a two people are going out but not living together or engaged then they are to me at least boyfriend/girlfriend.

That's abit snobby isn't it? What gives anyone the right to judge how serious another couples relationship is?

Torry_Quine

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

That's abit snobby isn't it? What gives anyone the right to judge how serious another couples relationship is?

I'm not a snob :rotfl::rotfl: I'm definitely not judging another couples relationship just saying how the term 'partner' is understood in this context. People can call themselves what they want but realise that if they use terminology other than generally used then they are open to confusion.

Dunroamin

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

There's nothing wrong with that term at all IMO. Before I got married, I used it to refer to my now husband. Boyfriend seemed so immature, so teenagerish, and I hated the term fianc!, which to me sounded so poncy!

I hate titles, and partner to me seemed the best way to describe him.

To me, if I hear someone describe their OH as their partner, I usually assume that they aren't married, purely because if they were, then surely they'd say husband/wife.

But you were engaged to be married so partner was a wholly appropriate term to use. What I was objecting to is teenagers who use the expression about someone who they don't live with and who they've only known for a matter of weeks. For them boy/girlfriend is much more appropriate.