Son dumped on

Joons

Mmmmm, £8 a week isn't much to support your own child, yes I know your son is on benefits but still, it's his child. Has he ever worked and contributed to his child's upkeep? Whether you like it or not the mother obviously deems him as a pretty inadequate father, she must have reasons for this, whatever they may be. Sorry but I find it hard to believe he's putting more of his benefit moeny into a Trust, again, as has been said, is that to antagonise the mother, if it's even true. No way can she have the b/f adopt, your son is safe in the knowledge that he is the dad. As has been said, he needs to contact the relevant people to get a court order set up for visitation, she can't stop that. As for meddling, it does sound like you are a bit, if your son was so concened, why can't he write. It sounds like there is so much bitterness in this it's became all about point scoring and nobody is really putting the child at the forefront, as usual, he's the pawn in the game of getting even.

RAS

Joons wrote: »

As for meddling, it does sound like you are a bit, if your son was so concened, why can't he write. It sounds like there is so much bitterness in this it's became all about point scoring and nobody is really putting the child at the forefront, as usual, he's the pawn in the game of getting even.

As the OP explained

kazz3105 wrote: »

She has just told my son that she wants him out of their sons life for no other reason than she wants her new fella to adopt him and change his surname to his.

.... since Monday my son has lost sleep is not eating because he can't see a way out he loves his son with every fibre of his body.

Gigglepig

RichardD1970 wrote: »

Looks like it might have been reported, and removed by the mods. Seems strange, it wasn't that offensive. It is quoted in full in post #8 and in your own post #32.

Sorry if anyone took offense. Maybe I shouldnt play devils advocate, but I think the way to find solutions when there is a conflict, is to try to understand where the anger and resentment of the other party might be coming from.

If I were in the ex's shoes, it would make a big difference whether someone handed me £8 and said 'there you go' or if they said "I am sorry that this is all I have, you are doing an excellent job at making do with such a small amount. I am looking for jobs and hope it will improve soon. In the meanwhile, while I am unemployed, don't hesitate to call if I should keep him while you are at work, on top of the normal access days. ."

I think Joons has raised a valid point that ex, rightlyor wrongly, perhaps doesn't consider OP's son a very useful dad at the moment. Hopefully OP's son can sort out a formal access agreement soon, good luck OP.

neverdespairgirl

Gigglepig wrote: »

richard, I am merely trying to point out some different PoVs here, since we don't get the ex's story. Surely £8 is very little to cover 1/2 the costs of a child? I would say it is a measly sum from the POV of the mum. It must be hard. She might feel really financially stretched and let down, even if the father has good reasons for not affording more.

It doesn't have to cover anywhere near 1/2 the costs of the child, though. The mother, if not employed, will get income support, child benefit, child tax credits, housing benefit, council tax benefit, and all the rest of it!

gotnodosh

On JSA, if he was paying through the CSA, he would be paying £5 a week. That's all that I get and only because I went through the CSA, otherwise I wouldn't be getting any...

Gigglepig

neverdespairgirl wrote: »

It doesn't have to cover anywhere near 1/2 the costs of the child, though. The mother, if not employed, will get income support, child benefit, child tax credits, housing benefit, council tax benefit, and all the rest of it!

Good point. who knows if she is employed. but she probably also pays for the majority of clothes, food, activities and also puts in vastly more hours... If i were left with a child, ex stopped by a few times a week and paid £8 i would be unimpressed with him, but maybe my expectations are too high. Although it is very unfair for the father and son, maybe the ex reasons to herself the child would be better off adopted by the stepdad. Hopefully a formal access agreement will just nip it in the bud.

RAS

Gigglepig wrote: »

Good point. who knows if she is employed. but she probably also pays for the majority of clothes, food, activities and also puts in vastly more hours... If i were left with a child, ex stopped by a few times a week and paid £8 i would be unimpressed with him, but maybe my expectations are too high. Although it is very unfair for the father and son, maybe the ex reasons to herself the child would be better off adopted by the stepdad. Hopefully a formal access agreement will just nip it in the bud.

Perhaps you could read the original post?

kazz3105 wrote: »

She is on income support and she also takes £8 a week off my son because "if she didn't take it the jobcentre would."

She has also changed this, the only time he can see his son is when she says so and at her home, there is absolutely no reason for this apart from she enjoys seeing my son 'still being told what to do' she is the boss!!

And

kazz3105 wrote: »

He has tried to get access more regularly but she holds the strings, when it suits her he can have his son for the week (she was off on hols) we all loved having him around. Now like I said he is only allowed to see him when and if it suits her at her home meaning the rest of the family don't get to see him at all.

gotnodosh

Gigglepig wrote: »

Good point. who knows if she is employed. but she probably also pays for the majority of clothes, food, activities and also puts in vastly more hours... If i were left with a child, ex stopped by a few times a week and paid £8 i would be unimpressed with him, but maybe my expectations are too high. Although it is very unfair for the father and son, maybe the ex reasons to herself the child would be better off adopted by the stepdad. Hopefully a formal access agreement will just nip it in the bud.

I think the OP says that the Mother is on Income Support with the boyfriend living there, which is actually Benefit Fraud as they should be on a Joint Claim of JSA.

It sounds to me that OP's son is doing as much as he can for the child but mother is being obstructive.

Gigglepig

RAS sorry for my ignorance, I did read the post but as I don't know the inns and outs of the benefit system I did not know if income support was in addition to a low paid job/part time job.

I still don't quite understand why he did not get a formal access agreement sorted out immediately (with the help of free advice from CAB or google if needed)? Hopefully things will improve as soon as this is done.

Valli

Gigglepig wrote: »

richard, I am merely trying to point out some different PoVs here, since we don't get the ex's story. Surely £8 is very little to cover 1/2 the costs of a child? I would say it is a measly sum from the POV of the mum. It must be hard. She might feel really financially stretched and let down, even if the father has good reasons for not affording more.

When my ex was unemployed, living with a new partner and no kids to support there (at his new home) a year or so back I was getting £5 a week from him, for two teenagers.
The mum should also be getting CB for this boy.
So yes, £8 is not a lot. But we don't know the ins and outs of her other household income.