Son dumped on

lindsaygalaxy

Ok, what your son needs to do is go to his local court house or google it and download an application form for a contact order. He doesn't need a solicitor. There is a fee to pay but only this fee. They will both be sent a date to attand a family court anf the judge will try get them to see mediators. Hopefully it will be sorted at this stage and what is decided can be put into a court order. They are not money focused, they are child focused. He will then get regular access that she can not stop or control. It is very unlikely they would stop his contact or make him have it at her place unless there are things about him you have not said. If it goes to the next stage then the court will decide (though this takes several hearings).
He can talk for himself, most people do now because of no legal fees.

mum2one

**professor~yaffle** wrote: »

I think this was the reason my step-dad never adopted me.. sounds a bit strange, though, that the birth mother would have to say she adopted the child??

Its unbelieveable but right, as for the "step parent to adopt", the mother haD to give up her birth mother rights then she becomes the adopted mother - even thou she is one and the same person. Whether this has now changed don't know.

The legal aid system has all changed, and unless their has been violence and this has been proved, such as court order, doctors letter then the legal aid won't pay, but you dont need a solicitor, as the first step when you go to court now would be mediation so I would def say you are prepared to go down this route x

x

System

flutterby_lil wrote: »

I never had to give up title of "Birth Mother", how long ago are you talking?

Gone 25 years or so. Obviously things must have changed since then. My eldest is 32 now.

System

You still need consent of the childs father to change the surname.. my friends XH hadn't seen her boys in 14 years and she still had to get him to sign to say it was ok.

I didn't. Still, he could have taken me to court. Saying that, I didn't go through the deed poll route. I didn't need to. I didn't have any problems changing their surnames from their old names to their new one. The schools were most obliging. Doctors/hospitals etc.

RichardD1970

Gigglepig wrote: »

if all your son does is pay a measly £8 a week?

Your son was adult enough to have a child, so he should be adult enough to sort this out without parents meddling.

Wow, judgemental or what :eek:. It might only be £8 a week, but he is on JSA so that works out about 15% of his, already extremely small, income.

Hope your kids never have any trouble that they might want/need some advice or help with. She was only asking for advice on a forum, hardly meddling.

PoppingCandy wrote: »

Why isn't your son working?

Same reason millions of other aren't

pigpen

Judi wrote: »

I didn't. Still, he could have taken me to court. Saying that, I didn't go through the deed poll route. I didn't need to. I didn't have any problems changing their surnames from their old names to their new one. The schools were most obliging. Doctors/hospitals etc.

they had been in my friends maiden name right through school/drs etc but they had to have the signed documents for passports/provisional license and oddly college applications.. they wanted birth certs and because they were a different name to the one they were using wanted proof that was their names etc.

My stepbrother however has used my dads surname without any form of paperwork to change it since he was 2.5

Valli

lindsaygalaxy wrote: »

Ok, what your son needs to do is go to his local court house or google it and download an application form for a contact order. He doesn't need a solicitor. There is a fee to pay but only this fee. They will both be sent a date to attand a family court anf the judge will try get them to see mediators. Hopefully it will be sorted at this stage and what is decided can be put into a court order. They are not money focused, they are child focused. He will then get regular access that she can not stop or control. It is very unlikely they would stop his contact or make him have it at her place unless there are things about him you have not said. If it goes to the next stage then the court will decide (though this takes several hearings).
He can talk for himself, most people do now because of no legal fees.

Just to add that there are mediation fees which would need to be paid; moreover while a court will look at a mediation agreement it may well not follow it.

The diary/record, in the interim, is an excellent suggestion.

RAS

pigpen wrote: »

they had been in my friends maiden name right through school/drs etc but they had to have the signed documents for passports/provisional license and oddly college applications.. they wanted birth certs and because they were a different name to the one they were using wanted proof that was their names etc.

My stepbrother however has used my dads surname without any form of paperwork to change it since he was 2.5

I encounter a lot of young people who have massive problems because their mothers have changed their name; in some cases repeatedly.

If your passport and birth certificate are in the name Joe Bloggs and your qualifications are in the name Sam Smith, then Joe Bloggs has no qualifications. Even if you meet a nice employer, it is acutely embaressing.

And getting a DBS check done when you have to list every name you have used but have no evidence of a legal name change is great fun (or not). Had kids in tears explaining the mess.

System

pigpen wrote: »

they had been in my friends maiden name right through school/drs etc but they had to have the signed documents for passports/provisional license and oddly college applications.. they wanted birth certs and because they were a different name to the one they were using wanted proof that was their names etc.

My stepbrother however has used my dads surname without any form of paperwork to change it since he was 2.5

I remember having two pieces of paper written out and signed by a Justice of the Peace stating their names as written on the original birth certificates and the name they were going by from then on.

I'm not sure if they needed the paper for passports and such like. I cant remember.

marisco_2

I feel very sorry for your grandson. How awful that his mum cant find it in her to make his needs her priority, instead of using him like some weapon with which to hurt your son. Encouraging her current partner to tell him that his dad doesn't care, shows no understanding or concern for how much that will hurt and negatively effect such a young child. I question the mentality of a man who would go along with such horrendous action. I wonder if it ever crosses his mind, if he may find himself on the receiving end of just the same one day, if she ever finishes with him!

Unless there are serious reasons for contact not to take place, such as previous violence or abuse, then every child is entitled to have a strong, loving and positive relationship with both of their parents. It must be heart breaking for you OP, to see your son having to fight for fair access to his son, and how the stress and strain of doing this is effecting him so badly. It doesn't sound as if your sons ex would be agreeable, to talking this out and working with him to resolve their differences, so as an access agreement they are both happy with could be set up. Unfortunately I think the only way to get anywhere would be to involve a solicitor. As your son cant afford to do this at the moment then he could contact CAB and ask for their advice on any other avenues he could look into. Another organisation he could contact for guidance is Families need fathers. I really hope things will work out for him.