Son dumped on

kazz3105_2

My son has a 3 year old boy with his ex- girlfriend. He sees him regularly 2-3 times a week. His ex has a new baby and lives with her current boyfriend. She is on income support and she also takes £8 a week off my son because "if she didn't take it the jobcentre would." Now I used to work for DWP and I know some of the rules have changed but 'other income' is supposed to be declared along with her letting the jobcentre know that her boyfriend works and he lives with her.
She has just told my son that she wants him out of their sons life for no other reason than she wants her new fella to adopt him and change his surname to his.
My son rang the solicitor who he used previously when he had a visiting dispute with her. She has also changed this, the only time he can see his son is when she says so and at her home, there is absolutely no reason for this apart from she enjoys seeing my son 'still being told what to do' she is the boss!!
Anyway he rang his solicitor and was told that legal aid was abolished and he would have to pay £120 to see her, He gets about £106 JSA (Every 2 weeks), and with giving her money for his son, he also has life insurance to pay and bus fares to job interviews so he is left with around £35-40 to 'live on' per fortnight.
Can someone please give us some advise, his ex is a really nasty piece if work, even when she was with my son she was the original !!!!! with her mother interfering.
How can he get regular access to his son away from her and her new beau (who by the way tells my grandson that he has to call him daddy because his real one doesn't care) since Monday my son has lost sleep is not eating because he can't see a way out he loves his son with every fibre of his body. Any help greatly accepted.

onetomany

shedosent have to declare the money ur son gives her well she does but it dosent affect her benifit, is the boyfreind working? maybe tho no they live together ? as for him adopting the little child its not that easy if he wanted to apot it would mean her giving up her rights two its not easy so just get ur son to refuse as for a contact order yes he would have to pay but i no a medation service in northants that are free if your on benifits might be worth looking for one and seeing if they can come up with a agreement check out farthers for justice its great for advice

**professor~yaffle**

Please don't go to Fathers For Justice, they are loonies (to put it frankly). Citizens Advice would be a far better bet, and they are free.

RAS

You both need to get up to date with this.

Maintenance no longer affect benefits.

You son can no longer get Legal aid but he can go to wikidivorce (he may nbot be married but the sections on contact will still apply) and speak to Families need fathers. He can apply for contact as a litigant in person.

The ex GF has another think coming if she believes that her new BF can adopt the child and she can change his name.

It would be advantageous if your son texts his ex and gets her to admit that she want to play happy famileis with the new squeeze and cut him out of their son's life. The courts will not be happy with this.

And

System

onetomany wrote: »

as for him adopting the little child its not that easy if he wanted to apot it would mean her giving up her rights two its not easy

I'll second this. Although my two children from my first marriage are now adults in their own rights we did look into my second husband adopting the children as his own but when I found out I would have to give up my rights as a birth Mother to become an adopted Mother......I decided hell would freeze over first.

It was easy for me to change their names to my new married surname but that was only because their 'biological' Father hadn't seen them in 4 years.

FBaby

It sounds like you could be interfering too. Probably better to stay away from the discussions especially as you will only get his side of the story. The best ready to help him would be to raise the money for him to see his solicitor. He should take any job to afford to fight for contact with his child (or pay you back).

neverdespairgirl

Keep in mind, before you make all the troubles of the world this ex's fault, that you son choose to have a relationship and father a child with her.

kazz3105_2

Gigglepig wrote: »

OP is your son involved in this kid's life? Perhaps the ex is disgruntled, if all your son does is pay a measly £8 a week? Does he at least contribute lots of time and effort?

As with the posters above I don't think the ex's new partner can just adopt, unless your son is willing for them to do so. So is should not be a worry.

I would also suggest it may just create more friction between the son and his ex, if you get involved OP. (especially if you imply some sort of benefit fraud! ) Your son was adult enough to have a child, so he should be adult enough to sort this out without parents meddling.

I am not meddling I just told him I would post on here and see if I can help him (any mother would try to find a solution)
My son sees his son a few times a week he also buys trainer nappies and clothes for him. In cash it's a measly £8 per week but he is currently voluntary paying into a trust that he started for his son so he will have a decent start in life or maybe even uni.

kazz3105_2

FBaby wrote: »

It sounds like you could be interfering too. Probably better to stay away from the discussions especially as you will only get his side of the story. The best ready to help him would be to raise the money for him to see his solicitor. He should take any job to afford to fight for contact with his child (or pay you back).

All I am doing is 'background' work for him, I have no interest in engaging her in conversation or having anything to do with her or this current situation but I will tell him about mediation he can look into that.

PoppingCandy

Why isn't your son working? I don't mean to sound unkind but surely he can't expect the taxpayer to pick up the tab for his legal bill.

RAS

PoppingCandy wrote: »

Why isn't your son working? I don't mean to sound unkind but surely he can't expect the taxpayer to pick up the tab for his legal bill.

Possibly becasue he is one of the 2 million people who have not got work? 25% of young people who are not in study are out of work.