Son dumped on

Pixiechic

I think that £8 per week really is the least he can do, don't you? The child is his after all.

I agree that he should go and speak to Citizens Advice or one of the organisations suggested. He has a right to see his son and an arrangement and routine would be best all round.

Gigglepig

I understand what you are saying OP that any mother would try to find a solution, but it isn't your child. your son is the father and his ex is the mother. FBaby made an excellent suggestion that you try to help him raise money for legal advice.

Perhaps your son can also try to not just see the son a few times a week, but have a fixed schedule of access. The ex may be less negative the more useful he is, in terms of providing reliable and regular looking after his son which could free up some of her time.

Erinnire

I think on such a small income he is being more than generous with the amount of Child Support he is paying, as well as buying nappies etc... I get £2.50 a week from my ex partner, who receives much more in benefits than the OP's Son.

OP, Your son should start keeping a diary of when he gets contact, when it's said he can have it and then taken away or when he id denied it etc... It's a pain in the bum but document EVERYTHING even if it seems totally irrelevant.

Fathers for Justice is fine as long as your son doesn't get caught up in the extremes as it does nothing to help his case.

The mother wont be able to change grandson's surname or have him adopted without his permission so tell your son not to stress about that. But he needs to start collecting things together to prove himself a good father as it only takes one false allegation from her of mistreatment or abuse and he's lost access for months whilst it gets sorted.

If you can afford to help him see a solicitor then that is something to look into, but if not F4J may be able to put him onto a McKenzie (spelling) Friend who can help him out without needing a solicitor.

Maybe your son can try to approach her about regular access at set times every week but do this in writing from now on and keep a copy of everything along with the diary.

Good Luck


Also if he is handing child support over in cash stop! It should be paid directly to her bank marked child support so he can prove it's going to her as she can just deny it. Although she will only get £5 a week if she goes through the CSA she may deny he pays anything to make him look bad.

kazz3105_2

Gigglepig wrote: »

I understand what you are saying OP that any mother would try to find a solution, but it isn't your child. your son is the father and his ex is the mother. FBaby made an excellent suggestion that you try to help him raise money for legal advice.

Perhaps your son can also try to not just see the son a few times a week, but have a fixed schedule of access. The ex may be less negative the more useful he is, in terms of providing reliable and regular looking after his son which could free up some of her time.

He has tried to get access more regularly but she holds the strings, when it suits her he can have his son for the week (she was off on hols) we all loved having him around. Now like I said he is only allowed to see him when and if it suits her at her home meaning the rest of the family don't get to see him at all.

RAS

He would be well advised to make use of the contact that she does offer even if it is at her house, as this will demonstrate his commitment to his son to the courts.

Longer term, it is likely that the courts will offer every other weekend and one day the alternate week.

**professor~yaffle**

Judi wrote: »

I'll second this. Although my two children from my first marriage are now adults in their own rights we did look into my second husband adopting the children as his own but when I found out I would have to give up my rights as a birth Mother to become an adopted Mother......I decided hell would freeze over first.

I think this was the reason my step-dad never adopted me.. sounds a bit strange, though, that the birth mother would have to say she adopted the child??

pigpen

Judi wrote: »

It was easy for me to change their names to my new married surname but that was only because their 'biological' Father hadn't seen them in 4 years.

You still need consent of the childs father to change the surname.. my friends XH hadn't seen her boys in 14 years and she still had to get him to sign to say it was ok.

I believe they changed the 'birth mother/adoption' thing.. I know there were discussions about it, whether or not it was concluded or passed I have no idea.

It is likely the solicitor he spoke to no longer is registered to do legal aid.. http://legal-aid-checker.justice.gov.uk/ will say whether he is eligible or not.

red_devil

i cant blame you asking for advice for your son i would do the same?

neverdespairgirl

pigpen wrote: »

It is likely the solicitor he spoke to no longer is registered to do legal aid.. http://legal-aid-checker.justice.gov.uk/ will say whether he is eligible or not.

There were major changes in legal aid in April. Some areas of law (including some family law, such as this matter) were removed from public funding altogether.

flutterby_lil

Judi wrote: »

I'll second this. Although my two children from my first marriage are now adults in their own rights we did look into my second husband adopting the children as his own but when I found out I would have to give up my rights as a birth Mother to become an adopted Mother......I decided hell would freeze over first.

It was easy for me to change their names to my new married surname but that was only because their 'biological' Father hadn't seen them in 4 years.

I never had to give up title of "Birth Mother", how long ago are you talking?