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Son dumped on
Comments
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RichardD1970 wrote: »Wow, judgemental or what :eek:. It might only be £8 a week, but he is on JSA so that works out about 15% of his, already extremely small, income.
Hope your kids never have any trouble that they might want/need some advice or help with. She was only asking for advice on a forum, hardly meddling.
Same reason millions of other aren't
Not trying to judge anyone, however IF all the guy did for his child was £8 then the ex might not feel very supported? Support is not just aboutmoney, time and effort matters too. The OP has come back to explain that he does make an effort to see his child and to contribute to other things when he can.
Regarding your other point, i was suggesting that OP stays out of it because it may cause further friction between son and ex. One of the things mentioned in OP's initial post sounded like a concern that the ex didn't correctly report income. IF (and we don't Know if this was the case) the OP mentioned this allegation to her son, or ex-DIL, it could be quite inflammatory.OP is your son involved in this kid's life? Perhaps the ex is disgruntled, if all your son does is pay a measly £8 a week? Does he at least contribute lots of time and effort?
As with the posters above I don't think the ex's new partner can just adopt, unless your son is willing for them to do so. So is should not be a worry.
I would also suggest it may just create more friction between the son and his ex, if you get involved OP. (especially if you imply some sort of benefit fraud! ) Your son was adult enough to have a child, so he should be adult enough to sort this out without parents meddling.0 -
Other option, if you are near a University which offers Law as a subject, is to enquire if they do Pro Bono work. It's practice for the students and they are (or should be) supervised by their tutors.Don't put it DOWN; put it AWAY"I would like more sisters, that the taking out of one, might not leave such stillness" Emily Dickinson
Janice 1964-2016
Thank you Honey Bear0 -
In cash it's a measly £8 per week but he is currently voluntary paying into a trust that he started for his son so he will have a decent start in life or maybe even uni.
I'm surprised no one has picked up on this. So he only gives £8 a week because he can't afford more BUT...his paying in a trust? How insulting for the mother. Maybe that might one of the reasons she has the hump, that he would prefer to put money she probably desperately need to support their child in a trust that will be years before it can be of any help. He needs to stop this and at least until he does get a job to support his child properly, give EVERYTHING he can afford to give.0 -
Not trying to judge anyone, however IF all the guy did for his child was £8 then the ex might not feel very supported? Support is not just aboutmoney, time and effort matters too. The OP has come back to explain that he does make an effort to see his child and to contribute to other things when he can.
Regarding your other point, i was suggesting that OP stays out of it because it may cause further friction between son and ex. One of the things mentioned in OP's initial post sounded like a concern that the ex didn't correctly report income. IF (and we don't Know if this was the case) the OP mentioned this allegation to her son, or ex-DIL, it could be quite inflammatory.
Well the use of the word measly, and the fact that in the second line of the OP, she statesHe sees him regularly 2-3 times a week
It is the mother of the child that is seeking to cut contact with the father, but you seem to want to blame him.0 -
richard, I am merely trying to point out some different PoVs here, since we don't get the ex's story. Surely £8 is very little to cover 1/2 the costs of a child? I would say it is a measly sum from the POV of the mum. It must be hard. She might feel really financially stretched and let down, even if the father has good reasons for not affording more.
From her PoV it might matter not just if the dad "sees him" but also how reliable , how long, and how qualiy the access is... There are some posts on this board from RPs who find it stressful with access, if the NRP shows up late, the child is returned in dirty clothes, etc.
Ayway In order to improve the relationship with the ex, if I were the son, I'd look at what I could do to contribute as much as possible time/money/effort.
We haven't heard from the father, so it is hard to have an impression of him. It does leave a slightly bad impression with me that it is not him but his mum who comes on here to tryto sort this out, but this does not mean he is passive in real life.
Edit: i can't find myoriginal post, not sure what happened to it.0 -
Purely based on the semantics of £8 a week......
Why should he give any more?
If he was working, he would be handing over 15% via the CSA. What he chooses to do with the remaining 85% is his business alone.
Just because he's on JSA the *rules* don't change!
Kudos to him for making the effort to put money away out of his JSA for his child's future!
Maybe he could sell a kidney or something <sarcasm.Autism Mum Survival Kit: Duct tape, Polyfilla, WD40, Batteries (lots of),various chargers, vats of coffee, bacon & wine.0 -
It is perfectly easy to apply for a contact order yourself. See here:
https://www.gov.uk/looking-after-children-divorce/overview
There is a fee to pay but since the father is on JSA he may be exempt.
The first process will be mediation. This can still be paid through Legal Aid.
If you go to CAB then they will be likely to have a list of local solicitors who specialise in Family Law and may still give a reduced fee/free initial consultation for any particular queries the father may have.0 -
OP, as well as encouraging your son to keep a diary make sure that he (or you) take lots of photos too, if he doesn't already. Keep them on a computer AND a memory stick as back-up, it's extra proof of your son's contact with his child and may be helpful if the ex claims that your son doesn't see the child regularly.
What a horrible situation, especially for the boy."I may be many things but not being indiscreet isn't one of them"0 -
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