no wedding invite

Smashing

I can't believe people are suggesting 'gatecrashing' a wedding.
Great way to endear yourself to others, that one. :rolleyes:

Counting_Pennies_2

It is upsetting, I had the same situation when my now husband's family invited him and not me to his brothers wedding after I had been with him for a year.

But their view was that unless you were engaged or a very long term partner their numbers were so limited that they could only invite those they knew well.

I didn't appreciate it at the time, but I do now. Having been through a wedding and having to make tough decisions on who comes and who doesn't. I personally chose a different route, I went for very close people, and included their partners and children, I just made it a more intimate event with very special people. But others might decide that more relatives and close friends come without partners who haven't been on the scene for that long as their decision.

Personally, I am happy to accept the decision of whoever hosts and pays for an event. It is ultimately for them to choose who is to attend their event (which is probably costing them an absolutely fortune). I would however not expect to be great friends with whoever I snub through this route, because ultimately it is a snub, but one they do have a right to make!

Guinea_2

My partner and I are getting married in August and sent out the invites ages ago and people who we thought didn't have partners we just put them and no guest. Basically because of the money! But....three of the people replied saying thanks for the invite for blah AND blah. They just added their other half on!! I couldn't believe it but of course I can't phone up and say no way so he could do that couldn't he??

MortgageMamma

You shoudl watch the film, the wedding crashers on the night OH is at wedding. its absolutely hilarious, I'm not normally one for amercian trash but this was funny

VickyA_2

Guinea wrote: »

My partner and I are getting married in August and sent out the invites ages ago and people who we thought didn't have partners we just put them and no guest. Basically because of the money! But....three of the people replied saying thanks for the invite for blah AND blah. They just added their other half on!! I couldn't believe it but of course I can't phone up and say no way so he could do that couldn't he??

We had this happen last year at our wedding, and I'm afraid that we had to reply that due to numbers and cost only X was invited - which is why we only put X on the invitation! It's rude to assume that X AND Y are invited if it's written to X!

TBH, those that did reply that X and Y were coming also understood when we explained our reasons

SeptemberBaby_2

VickyA wrote: »

We had this happen last year at our wedding, and I'm afraid that we had to reply that due to numbers and cost only X was invited - which is why we only put X on the invitation! It's rude to assume that X AND Y are invited if it's written to X!

TBH, those that did reply that X and Y were coming also understood when we explained our reasons

Did they attend without their partners? Would you attend a wedding on your own without your new DH?

Of course no one can tell the bridal party who they should and should not invite but if cost really was the biggest issue when I married then I would have invited BOTH to the evening reception.

Janepig

SeptemberBaby wrote: »

Did they attend without their partners? Would you attend a wedding on your own without your new DH?

Of course no one can tell the bridal party who they should and should not invite but if cost really was the biggest issue when I married then I would have invited BOTH to the evening reception.

Why not? I can understand if you only know the bride/groom and no-one else, but if you'll be with a group of friends/work colleagues who are all without their partners then what's the problem? In fact in that respect having your partner with you is a pain because they don't know anyone and you've got to balance socialising with the people you know but not leaving your OH out.

Wedding invites are such a load of old nonsense honestly - families getting upset because this great auntie gets an invite, but this cousin doesn't, or the B&G don't want small children there, someone's nose put out of joint because they weren't asked to be bridesmaid, etc... I mean after all it's the B&G (or their parents) who are coughing up for it so what (and who) they say, goes.

Jxx

melancholly

i'd seriously double check about not being invited..... it could be that there is an assumption that inviting him means you coming too. it might not be, but your OH could just ask one of the couple whether or not they meant to include you.

i agree with september baby - obviously a couple can invite whoever they want, and if i'd been with someone for 10 minutes then i wouldn't expect both of us to be invited to any event. but when it's clearly a permanent couple, it is a bit odd . if they'd done what some other people had suggested and explained why and that they really aren't meaning to offend people it's just that numbers are tight, that would be a different thing. but at an evening reception when it's not about paying for someone's food, you can invite couples and avoid the whole mess.

they've either made a mistake (or the person who wrote out the invites has - ie a parent), or they're very insensitive or they have a problem with you that you don't know about. your OH should be able to make some discreet enquiries to sort out exactly what is going on. i would avoid anything that vaguely resembles confrontation since that will escalate quickly and make things impossible.

in your position, with your OH not checking out things, i'd be having strong words!! he's entitled to go, of course, but he should find out what you haven't been invited first. if they do have an issue with you for some reason, a wedding invite snub is hardly the way to deal with it!

Rachie_B

i would be miffed too TBH

if the B&G didnt know you / never met you etc before then i could understand as i wouldnt want someone i didnt "know" at my wedding !

but they know you and know you are with your OH etc etc
so it all sounds a bit odd to me !

id def sound out some other mutual friends / or get OH to do it

gelato_cat

I'm inclined to think that you should just accept that you haven't been invited and don't worry about it. I can understand that you're upset, but as others have said, it's up to the bride and groom who they want to invite...

Maybe they have only invited work friends and no partners - you've said that you no longer work at the same place as everyone else. Bf might find when he gets there that all the other workmates have come on their own too.

Why don't you go out with your mates the night your bf's at the wedding, and organise a night out with the old workmates a few weeks later? I don't agree with all those who have suggested having a word with the bride, or turning up anyway - I'd rather keep my pride than do that.

Suze

RatherGutted wrote: »

First of all, I'm a regular poster on other boards but i've registered with a different username so my OH won't recognise me.

I'm after a bit of advice really about something which has been getting me down for a while now. So here's the story:

I've been with my OH for a year now. We don't live together but we're very close and spend every weekend together. We used to work together (that was how we met) but I move to a different job in a different town about 6 months ago.

Recently two couples from our friendship group, who we happened to both work with, have got engaged. And in both cases, my OH was been invited to the wedding and i've not. I thought weddings were about celebrating couples being together so i've been particularly surprised by this. Especially given I know both the bride and groom in both couples and they all know we're together.

After the first invite went out, my OH turned it down and didn't go to the wedding because he was upset I hadn't been invited. He didn't tell me about this until he'd done it so there was no pressure from me. But he's decided he doesn't want to miss out on the other wedding so he'll be going without me. Which of course, I understand and would never dream of stopping him. However I'm still upset that whilst he's off enjoying himself with all of our friends, I'll be stuck at home alone. Am I right to be upset about this or am I making a mountain out of a molehill?