no wedding invite

RatherGutted

First of all, I'm a regular poster on other boards but i've registered with a different username so my OH won't recognise me.

I'm after a bit of advice really about something which has been getting me down for a while now. So here's the story:

I've been with my OH for a year now. We don't live together but we're very close and spend every weekend together. We used to work together (that was how we met) but I move to a different job in a different town about 6 months ago.

Recently two couples from our friendship group, who we happened to both work with, have got engaged. And in both cases, my OH was been invited to the wedding and i've not. I thought weddings were about celebrating couples being together so i've been particularly surprised by this. Especially given I know both the bride and groom in both couples and they all know we're together.

After the first invite went out, my OH turned it down and didn't go to the wedding because he was upset I hadn't been invited. He didn't tell me about this until he'd done it so there was no pressure from me. But he's decided he doesn't want to miss out on the other wedding so he'll be going without me. Which of course, I understand and would never dream of stopping him. However I'm still upset that whilst he's off enjoying himself with all of our friends, I'll be stuck at home alone. Am I right to be upset about this or am I making a mountain out of a molehill?

amandada

I'd be a bit cheesed off if I were you. It's exceedingly rude on the part of the host to invite your OH without a partner, and even more so when they know you too, and obviously know you as a couple.

Are you sure he's definitely been invited alone-there's not been crossed wires somewhere along the way, where the host has assumed that yout OH will automatically include you? (ok so I'm clutching at straws here, but I'm unable to understand how someone could knowingly be so rude)

Sagaris

I thought you usually put 'Mr Smith and Guest' if not the OH name? Seems a bit strange to me, I think I'd be tempted to make a few discreet enquiries to see exactly what the bride and groom mean - if not I agree with amandada, it's a bit rude!

RatherGutted

Thanks for your replies. I'm afraid there's no mistake. Both invites clearly stated Mr Rather Gutted. And there was no mention of me or a guest

taggiesgirl

Ahh I really feel for you, I too had a kind of similar thing my bestfriend was getting married to my then boyf(hes now my hubby) best friend. The couple introduced us!, but for their wedding even though they knew we were together sent one invite to my boyf and one separate invite to me!! not a joint one i was totally miffed as to why we didnt just have a joint invite after all they were are best mates who introduced us so they knew we were together!!!.

when i aked my mate she never realised that shed done this and i dont know how in your case anyone could be so mean.
could your oh not ask and say 'oh i was surprised you havent invited ....'(you)

I agree, for my wedding the people we invited on their own we put and guest... (although i do realise that weddings are wxpensive and not everyone can afford to do this)


I wish you luck

regards
x

filigree_2

I know it sounds cheesy and not everyone would agree with me, but I do think it is the social norm to always invite couples together.

If I were getting married I would definitely invite well established couples together, even if I hadn't met one half of the couple. After all, it's a nice way to meet your friends partners especially if you live a long way apart. The only exception would be if a previously single friend phoned and said "I copped off with this great bird last night, can she come?" because I wouldn't want to increase the catering costs on the basis of a first date

I think you're right to be upset, but I can't suggest a solution.

Scarlett1

Its often the parents of the bride or groom that sends the invites out so it could be RG that you had your own invite that hasnt actually got to you, although I would have thought that your b/f would have asked the couple if you were invited also, did he not do this ?

Mizz_Pink

I would phone up the bride and ask her for an explanation as this has caused you a lot of upset, there wouldnt need to be an argument but I would want this explained as it would hurt me. I cant think of any reason at all why you wouldnt be invited. If its costs then your partner shouldnt of been invited either.

Agutka

I remember going to great lengths to find out my invitees partners' names, spellings etc. I wouldn't dream of inviting people without their however short or long term partners. The only reason for this would be if the numbers were really tight but then I would explain this to my friends and they would have the choice of declining.
What an odd situation, they seem to be basically ignoring you, you have every right to be peeved. Just make sure you're doing something fun on the day.

pinkshoes

Mizz_Pink wrote: »

I would phone up the bride and ask her for an explanation as this has caused you a lot of upset, there wouldnt need to be an argument but I would want this explained as it would hurt me. I cant think of any reason at all why you wouldnt be invited. If its costs then your partner shouldnt of been invited either.

That would be rather mean as it would but the bride in an awkward position!! Organising a wedding day is stressful enough without people phoning up and moaning that they haven't been invited!!

I would get your OH to discretely email the groom and ask whether the invite is for both of you, or this was just your one. (implying that the 'other' one could be in the post...). You'll get a reply saying one of 3 things:

1) other invite sent separately and maybe got lost,

2) invite is for both of you

3) Rathergutted is not invited...

At least this way it then gives them a chance to send another invite out if they forgot, or give a reason why they didn't send you one! You never know, maybe she thinks you're too pretty and will upstage the bride!! or maybe her husband to be has a crush on you so she doesn't want you there!

newcook

gatecrash!!!

if anyone mentions it just say you assumed the invite was for both of you!