no wedding invite

Mizz_Pink

pinkshoes wrote: »

I

But the bride and groom can invite who they want to their wedding, and maybe one of them has a problem with Rathergutted, or maybe they have limited numbers so can only afford to invite one of them. It's really rude to start kicking up a fuss demanding to know why you weren't invited!

It could have been a really difficult decision for the bride not to invite Rathergutted, so imagine how humiliated she'd feel if Rathergutted started phoning her up demanding to know why!

Maybe it was just a mistake and the parents sent the invitations? Mr Rathergutted can question his invitation to see if it's for both of them, but Mrs Rathergutted can't just rush in, all guns blazing, demanding why she didn't get one!

That's the problem with weddings nowadays. SO much politics!!

Re: your first paragraph "have a problem with rathergutted or maybe they have limited numbers " Fine, why is that such an issue for Rathergutted to be told that. And where in my post did I advise she "kick up a fuss demanding to know why she wasnt invited"

You have taken my comments out of context at which I am peed off. How the OP handles it is up to her, I was just giving my opinion that if I was here I would want to know why I wasnt invited. Regardless of costs or numbers I would never ever invite 1 person out of a couple to my wedding, if I coudnt afford it then neither would be invited to the day and just the evening. Like I say that is only my opinion. I dont appreciate you all having a dig.

RatherGutted

Hi all,

Thanks for the replies. They're all much appreciated. I accepted not being invited to the first wedding because it was a very small wedding and my OH thinks he was on the reserve list anyway so that wasn't such a big deal but it's the other one that i'm annoyed about. Ok, the couple are closer friends with my OH but they still know we're together. As suggested, I sounded out someone else in the friendship group and as far as she's aware, I've done nothing to offend anyone. And as she pointed out, they were all happy to come to my leaving do.

I'd never phone the bride or gategrash the wedding, I just don't have the confidence to do that! But I will be having words with the OH.

Then i'll just stop thinking about it and plan a treat for myself for the day

Thanks again.

mr218

rathergutted

that is the right attitude. enjoy yourself. i would be a bit disappointed in your position that my OH went because it is a tacit acceptance of them disregarding you. but you are more familiar with the whole group dynamics there. i would stay friendly but not be too close with this couple.

in the end what is the point of gatecrashing. if they dont want you there, why would you want to be there in the first place.

Violet_Isle

Do you think you OH could be having an affair with one of the guests and thats why you have not been invited?

Its very strange that it has happened twice and he's accepting the situation (and going).

Even if they didnt particularly like you that much if they thought anything of you OH they would have automatically included you

Counting_Pennies_2

RatherGutted wrote: »

Hi all,

they were all happy to come to my leaving do.

The problem is a wedding is a much more costly affair than a leaving do.

When I went through my costs, my wedding came out at £250 per guest, when you look at it that way, you really can't just invite anyone.

I invited friends from work to the evening do as this didn't cost me anything extra, although I now looking back regret this, as I hadn't had the chance to speak to all my guests come the evening and felt torn in two.

I really do think you need to respect the views of the bride and groom and not take it so personally

Dumyat

we've had a similar problem with my mum recently. she has been invited to a family wedding (she is a great aunt to the bride) which is fair enough, but she is elderly and infirm and can not go on her own. its a great shame since she would love to go, so she has had to send a regrets card.

its the bride and groom's party and ultimately they can ask who they like. and there is a great expense involved, which in our case I think is the issue.

gelato_cat

It's a shame none of the rellies who are going can look after her

Suze

dogrose wrote: »

we've had a similar problem with my mum recently. she has been invited to a family wedding (she is a great aunt to the bride) which is fair enough, but she is elderly and infirm and can not go on her own. its a great shame since she would love to go, so she has had to send a regrets card.

its the bride and groom's party and ultimately they can ask who they like. and there is a great expense involved, which in our case I think is the issue.

gelato_cat

FWIW, I really don't think it's anything personal - I have a feeling that it's more to do with the work situation. Like I said, bf might find when he gets there that none of the other workmates have brought their partners. Also, the reason they came to your leaving do was because you all work together! You wouldn't invite them to your leaving do from your current place, would you?

I hope you have fun - whatever you have planned!

Suze

RatherGutted wrote: »

Hi all,

Thanks for the replies. They're all much appreciated. I accepted not being invited to the first wedding because it was a very small wedding and my OH thinks he was on the reserve list anyway so that wasn't such a big deal but it's the other one that i'm annoyed about. Ok, the couple are closer friends with my OH but they still know we're together. As suggested, I sounded out someone else in the friendship group and as far as she's aware, I've done nothing to offend anyone. And as she pointed out, they were all happy to come to my leaving do.

I'd never phone the bride or gategrash the wedding, I just don't have the confidence to do that! But I will be having words with the OH.

Then i'll just stop thinking about it and plan a treat for myself for the day

Thanks again.

filigree_2

dogrose wrote: »

we've had a similar problem with my mum recently. she has been invited to a family wedding (she is a great aunt to the bride) which is fair enough, but she is elderly and infirm and can not go on her own. its a great shame since she would love to go, so she has had to send a regrets card.

I'm sorry that your mum has been upset This reminds me of my own wedding plans. Interfering MIL insisted that we should invite all sorts of frail elderly relatives because they'd be offended to be left out. She assured me that they wouldn't actually attend, but out of etiquette we had to ask them anyway! One of the elderly aunties (who had terminal cancer) got really upset because she felt that she had let us down by not attending, poor woman. It was a royal pain in the butt because while we waited for all these aunties to send regret cards, we couldn't invite a number of people we wanted to.

I thoroughly agree that the bride and groom should invite who they want - having been in that position I wouldn't appreciate open criticism of my plans! HOWEVER, I think that there might simply have been a misunderstanding about invitations, perhaps there is an interfering MIL in the background who is dictating the guest list and the happy couple would actually like the OP to attend!

I agree what someone else said, that it would be best tackled in a very casual way between the OH and the groom. It would be a shame for the OP to miss the wedding because of a simple mixup.

andyrules

RG I can understand how you feel, you must be very hurt. Personally, I would never invite one half of a couple, and you seem to be an established couple after a year. If numbers and money are such an issue, then neither should be on the list. It may be a long time since I was involved in weddings, but I can well remember the juggling around to ensure someone wasn't left out of a family group or couple.

FWIW. I also think Mr RG wants a kick up the backside for accepting the situation, and the invite. Someone said earlier that he should have a quiet word with the groom - is that not possible? If I was the only one invited somewhere where both of us are known, I would be offended and turn it down.