The OS Doorstep - a helpful and supportive thread in these tough times

savingqueen

(((((((((((Nutty, we are all thinking of you, your mum and the rest of your family.)))))))))))


I am sorry your brother isn't more considerate - probably a very silly question but does he realise how you feel? He may just assume (wrongly I know) that you will always do the running around as you always do. He may even feel you prefer to always be the one to look after your mum. When things are less fraught, could you have a word with him and maybe alternate visits etc if it that is practical.


Huge hugs and no apologies for offloading - very understandable and any road that's what we are here for. Let us know how your mum is when you can. Take care


sq x

kidcat

nutty ((hugs)) its possible that your brother does not get that he is wanted/expected to be there, I know there was a period of three years where my uncles never spoke to each other as both resented the others roles/lack of involvement in my grandfathers life. It was only when he was dying that I finally unpicked both sides of the story and discovered this.
Could you possibly sit down with him and maybe come to an agreement about what he should do/is willing to do.

Have been to DS9 parents evening and he has made heaps of progress this year, there is however a residential trip this year that when we discussed in length is only feasible if I go to, they are willing to take him without me but when I pointed out various issues it became apparent that they would be overwhelmed, so I will be going too. Just need to arrange a way of getting DD7 to and from school each day which I think will end up being DD19 using taxis.

greenbee

Nutty - sorry to hear about your mum. As for your brother, I'm afraid it's a boy thing. All of my friends agree that it is daughters who generally go out of their way to support parents, boys just seem to think that everyone can manage without them. So you need to tell him that you want him to visit your mum/call the hospital/meet you to talk to the doctors/sit down with you to work out how you are going to help her when she comes out.

My brother is finally getting the hang of it, but I've resigned myself to having to ask him rather than expect him to think of it himself. On the other hand he never assumes that I will do stuff for him - I have to offer (when I finally find out he needs help!)

nuttyp

Hi, update is mum is staying in. Her heart rate keeps fluctuating quite a bit and she has heart pain. As you all say shes in the best place. Rang my brother and his wife said to call if there is any changes.


Thankyou for the suggestion, I will speak to my brother at the weekend, and ask him to help with mum. I appreciate he works and has a young family, but he does need to be more involved - and my mum doesn't want to go in care home - his last idea!!!!!


Take care x

Possession

Hope your mum's OK Nutty. I agree it tends to be a boy thing. My grandma, now 92, has 5 children and the 2 men do nothing but phone her. My mum and her 2 sisters (but mostly my mum!) do everything.

Mrs_Chip

Sorry to hear about your Mum Nutty, could it be SiL who is putting the brakes on your brother - or is she someone who would respond to a quiet word to get him involved?

For everyone with a fleece stash and a bit of time on their hands - this FB lady is after some chicken coats - can anyone help by making a few using the diagram? I am going to make some, I have a few old fleece jackets I can cut up.

https://www.facebook.com/esther.behnke

monnagran

Dear Nutty, Your life is a roller coaster with your mum, isn't it? I do know what everyone says about men caring about their parents but not able to see what they should be doing for them. My poor Grandmother had 6 boys - she always said that she never wanted girls, but that was a big fat lie. Two pre-deceased her but of the four who were left my Dad was the one who was always there for her and was with her when she died. I know the others cared but not enough to do the constant visiting and taking responsibility.
I have two boys so don't hold out much hope when my turn comes. Fortunately I have a dearly loved DIL and a couple of unofficially adopted daughters who will step up to the plate if necessary. I am so lucky. Sadly, not lovely SG , just very lucky.

When my Dad was old and ill my brother was wonderful. We both lived a few hours travelling time away from him but we shared the visiting and responsibility equally. I don't know how I would have managed without him, especially after Dad died and we had to sort out all his affairs. DB is a wizard mathematician and dealt with all the financial side, Tax Office etc. Again, I am so lucky, we have always got on well but grown even closer as we get older. And I adore my SIL.

I'm drivelling again!

Still no smilies.

x

ginnyknit

Have been watching Jamie O programmes a lot lately as I missed them first time. Some of his ideas are quite good but obviously we do them cheaper

One idea I picked up was to put my spag bol in zippy bags and squash all the air out before sealing the last bit. I now have 9 portions all lay nice and flat in my freezer. I made a full sc of lamb/mutton mince (Mr T 500gms £2) with passata, chopped toms, lentils and veggies. It tastes richer than beef mince. So far I have the 9 portions and 8 small portions of lasagne (cooking now). My freezers contents of my freezers have been run down on purpose the last month and now are looking quite neat. Everytime I buy a cooked chicken from the market (cheaper than buying raw and putting the oven on) I have been putting the legs in bags in the freezer for future use so have a drawer full of those now. I even wrote on the bags what everything is :j

Nutty, sending hugs for you and hope you can talk to your brother and get him on board - have the same problem with mine but Mum needs minimal help thank goodness. xxx

grandma247

Nutty i hope you all have a good night and they find out soon what is causing the problem.

burtha

Mrs chips , so want some of those jackets for my chickens, mine would look so cool in them but would need matching wellies to go with them.lol . may have to try and make some ...we have 8 in total 1 boy - Elvis, his girlfriend Betsy and her friends ,pinky,Winnie Mandela, skwarky 1,skwarky 2,ginger and checkers . all named by the kids ..well all but Elvis,he's a silky and has a big Elvis hair cut , sorry I sound like a true crank but they are fab, would spend all day with them if a could ..