The OS Doorstep - a helpful and supportive thread in these tough times

moments_of_sanity

katieowl wrote: »

he's got no idea how to use the washing machine (he only knows where it is cos' he plumbed it in)

Long time lurker here so please excuse me butting in, this made me laugh as my washing machine broke a couple of years ago and when I asked DH for a new one he said 'of course you can' and started looking on line. Great i thought, that was easy....he then brought the laptop over and showed me washing baskets, when I asked him why he was showing me them he said 'well, that is a washing machine, I put my clothes in dirty and they come out clean', needless to say I nearly beat him with my spatula! :rotfl:

I am a non worker at the moment and it does seem that everyone leaves everything for me, it's almost as if it's the attitude of 'well Mum's home all day' :mad:

DH works about 60 hours a week so I do everything for him so all he has to do is go to work and shower himself but I know if he was home more he would help more than he currently does.

Pooky

Evening all

I must admit that my new DH is amazing and he adored coming home from work, suit and tie off and instantly grubbing around in the garden with DDs. He loved his time with them and still does. He can't take them out like he'd want now but they're now old enough to take him. Tomorrow they're taking him to the cinema, how many teenage girls want to go to the cinema with dad? especially when dad is in a wheelchair and spasms/jerks and attracts attention.

Anyway.....had a lovely day out today, DD1 drove us 80 miles to my parents and back....she's a star! Mum loaded us up with food and I've got a huge bag of wool to play with! Lovely.

ArthriticOldThing

I'm sorry if my previous post gave the impression that I thought my late OH was perfect. He was not - nor are any of us. And he managed to keep the Sergeant Major voice in use until his last few months - and he was not afraid to use it.:eek::eek:

I meant to say that we were lucky in our marriage in that he was already retired so we did not have the problems that are a natural consequence of working partners/parents - although trying to bring up two boys on pension was another struggle.

We always worked together as a team and compromised as you say Lyn.

monnagran

Oh my! Katie you could have been describing my life with my ex. It was dire and everywhere I looked I seemed to see families doing things together, Husbands helping their wives and Fathers doing things with their children. I'm sure it wasn't as idyllic as it looked to me but I was so envious.
One thing, it made me so resourceful and capable. And thrifty! And gave me such a close relationship with my boys. When I broke the news to the children that we were divorcing the eldest said,"Right. Will you reconsider letting me have a dog?" and the youngest said rather anxiously, "We will be keeping the TV won't we?" And that was all it meant to them. In the 30 years we have been divorced they have had not one birthday or Christmas card or present and for the last twenty years have had no idea where he might be living. As someone else said, his loss.
When he finally moved out I felt as though I was free for the first time for years.

Anyway, on to happier things.

Fuddle dear, no-one deserves a bit of happiness more than you and your new home is your reward for all your hard work.

When I moved into a new house a friend sent me a Chinese proverb.

"May your house be filled with happiness. May your hen lay two eggs every day. May your cat and dog dwell together in amity and your garden flourish beyond all expectation."

This is my wish for you.

x

katieowl_2

monnagran wrote: »

Oh my! Katie you could have been describing my life with my ex. It was dire and everywhere I looked I seemed to see families doing things together, Husbands helping their wives and Fathers doing things with their children. I'm sure it wasn't as idyllic as it looked to me but I was so envious.
One thing, it made me so resourceful and capable. And thrifty! And gave me such a close relationship with my boys. When I broke the news to the children that we were divorcing the eldest said,"Right. Will you reconsider letting me have a dog?" and the youngest said rather anxiously, "We will be keeping the TV won't we?" And that was all it meant to them. In the 30 years we have been divorced they have had not one birthday or Christmas card or present and for the last twenty years have had no idea where he might be living. As someone else said, his loss.
When he finally moved out I felt as though I was free for the first time for years.

Anyway, on to happier things.

Fuddle dear, no-one deserves a bit of happiness more than you and your new home is your reward for all your hard work.

When I moved into a new house a friend sent me a Chinese proverb.

"May your house be filled with happiness. May your hen lay two eggs every day. May your cat and dog dwell together in amity and your garden flourish beyond all expectation."

This is my wish for you.

x

Yeah, I could see that would be the outcome for my kids. I've never met my Dad, it's one of the reasons I put up with him, because I'm convinced, given the lack of contact he has with his own family, who as far as I'm aware he's never actually fallen out with, that if I'd said right that's it, they'd have never seen their dad again. I hear you about looking wistfully at other couples, but these days I have divorce envy too

As it stands I still have DS at home (21) so what happens to him is tied up with my being here. I regret not splittting up ten years ago when the matter was first on the table. I won't say I regret moving to Wales because I love it here and it's much much better now I can have a 'life' outside the house, but I will never forgive him for not making more of an effort at keeping our relationship alive.

Kate

monnagran

Katie: I feel for you, truly I do. I am of a generation that was taught to really 'work' at your marriage, and how I tried! You must ask, as I do, "what on earth persuaded me to marry him?" I have this theory that there comes a time in every woman's life when nature is screaming at her to do what she was designed for, and reproduce. As soon as a likely seeming bloke wanders past she homes in on him and the die is cast. Certainly looking back on life I realise that all I really wanted in my mid twenties was a home and family, and at that moment there was only one likely candidate to give me that. Bingo!

Ah well. It works out for some. You won't hear me joining in the complaint that divorce is too easy these days. I remember my mother's generation where divorce was a terrible disgrace and you were a social outcast if it happened to you. I knew people living lives of quiet desperation and families living in a war zone. I cannot believe that anyone was benefitting from that.
Still, if children are happy and settled I would still carry on whatever my own feelings. Fortunately my two were better off out of it.

It's a mistake for me to come on here late at night. I start getting philosophical.

I'll put my boring self to bed.

x

stiltwalker

Fuddle - so glad about the house - wishing you and yours all the best for your new life - you deserve it lovey.

On the subject of husbands, my first one was a variety of small bird (t*t) and seemed to think that I would just automatically do everything with never a lick of help from him. DH has on the other hand always been more than willing to follow instructions but is just no good at innovation, he doesn't see the washing heap or the washing up that needs doing. He did however say all off his own bat before he gave up work to help me care for the kids that we could write up a rota to put on the fridge of jobs that need doing so we were splitting things fairly. It's been about a month since he finished now and he has already admitted how much harder work it is staying home than it was going to work!! I still do all the cooking - but to be fair, I'd rather eat my cooking than his!!!!

Car back home from the car hospital and for far less money than expected - a sensor had gone which meant the CPU didn't know the engine was going or something - what happened to the days when car could be mended at the side of a road by a nice AA man or a clever dad!! Not that I possessed a clever dad (well not car clever) he once attempted to jump start my car without starting his own and was slightly puzzled when I insisted he start his car's engine before attempted it saying- "it's your car we need to get going"!! .... Bless!

wondercollie

I've been reading blogs by one of the frequent posters here. I am horrified to see that they feel that government officials who are doing the job they are paid to do being called "goons" by someone who lives on benefits.

Hard_Up_Hester

Some people do have a strange understanding don't they WC, we had a visit at work from a family who's son had just left our school. They hadn't realised that he wasn't eligible for any benefits, they seem to feel that it was our fault and that any decent school would have ensured he was eligible.
Hester

fuddle

I just tend to think that we have so many people in our society that can't see their problems and adversities as theirs so have to seek someone to blame.

I just find it so sad that we're really very lucky to be part of a society that have people to help and support us in any given situation and yet it's often these people and organisations that have negativities thrown at them.