The OS Doorstep - a helpful and supportive thread in these tough times

stiltwalker

Kidcat - yes, we love our tank with sliding doors too - couldn't even fit the double buggy in the estate we hired for the weekend, let alone a suitcase or anything else so had to manage on the small buggy and DD's walker. We're actually in the first stages of looking at the next size up again which will be something like a citroen dispatch combi, and hopefully the 6 seat version with extra storage space rather than the 9 seat version but are hoping to hold off for 12 months before we have to go down this route. Would really like to be able to transport the big double buggy plus a single and the walkers and still be able to get the trike and a bit of luggage in!!!!! so a roof box just ain't going to cut it, oh and the commode chair for any nights away as DD got herself constipated by refusing to do no 2 on her potty on Sunday/Monday while away and we didn't have room for the chair (sorry if TMI). She's ok now though.

Popperwell

Thanks WMF
I have been fortunate that the old plan was ending, that a new one was available, that I signed up before the company increased prices. That I managed to build up a decent amount and can be warmer this Winter. If they refund I'll not spend it on other things.

I was invited tonight to a Christmas meal so I will not be alone. How kind is that?

If up to it I am disappearing tomorrow to Roker park it could be the last chance to see illuminations as I think it ends this weekend. Will be going late afternoon as it needs to be dark to get the full effect.

Not been far for a couple of weeks...I may set the slow cooker away so there is something nice to come home to. Been thinking of doing some HM fish cakes myself...

gailey_2

late post from me.

3mins until 9 year wedding anniversary but me and m gailey had a row:(.

Been a hard day day 2 of school hols.
took kids for walk this morning got some free apples from local house.

popped round local corner shop.

hovered downstairs
tidies babies rooms a little
cooked hm lunch and tea.
washed up twice
made beds, tidied girls bedroom twice
manage to line dry 1l oad washing and washing another oads but still a laundry mountain.

why the row 1st phone call from mr g at 6p saying he was just leaving work and wont be home until7.30 as have to visit his mum again like every day 3miles frok us not even on way home.

after having kids all day 7pm is perfect bed time for them im not keeping them up later as know 7.30 quickly ends up 9pm or later evening gone,house still mess and no adults,chat time.

he got in 7.30 1/3asleep took ages get baby asleep.
then had to go out pick some 2nd hand toys up as xmas pressies.

hate going out in dark.


as I walked alone had time to think.

I love hubby love the kids.

but im so tired

im bit lonely.

I have no local friends to pop round coffee

not much money or drive so cant go far,

cant work apart fromnights around hubby,s career

worried about money and worry he will lose his job.

worries 4year old wont get a school place worry she hate and resent me being at home, worried 7year olds behind at school, worry 2,5year old bad teeth and not talking.

have no support network, no career, no independent income.
kids got used to having daddy around but nov/deceber hes doing days a week and helping out no school runs.

his mums better and thing his brother should be sharing his wife left him he has no kids and works in same city he could easily pop in .

feel like i always put last maybe im being irrational.
got back in around 9 after walking and ponderng im not happy when he has ago about the house and then feel sad like he doesnt understand im trying to be positive but some days its so bloody hard.

out house is too small, i hate it and feel so disconnected from community we live.
Might pass driving test few months time but feel far from confident not mention money of me driving.

all the other local mums drive, work and have support network and I feel so useless and alone like I failed,worry im not doing good enough job.

least I have you guys thanks so much for being supportive financially can see things improving just sorting out emotional side seems so much harder.

Popperwell

So sorry to hear that you've ended yesterday on a row and started the anniversary with cross words. Hopefully it will be better as the day goes, the bit of advice my parents was given by the Vicar when they married was never go to bed not speaking, without an argument solved.

How easy that is, I don't know.

Wishing you both well x

fuddle

Gailey sweetheart, you put too much pressure on yourself. Give yourself a break and think that every single one of us, no matter how content with what we've got, have days like that too.

The question you maybe need to ask is 'do I feel like this all the time or just every now and then?' Your answer will be the beginnings of feeling better and ultimately getting you to a place where you're strong enough to be able to think positively about the things that seem massive now but in real terms are only just life's worries and niggles. Find one thing you would like to change, however small, and seek to solve it/change it - feel the empowerment that taking control gives you and use that strength to gain confidence in sorting the next issue. Positive thinking is the key to success in life - life is a 'you know what' for everyone - the winners have a fight and determination to make it regardless of what obstacles come their way.

Our last night down in Dorset. It's been an emotional roller coaster, not least realising that we really could have been left in a pickle re: housing with our shot credit file but some how (and I'm looking for my guardian angel because the story is incredible) we have managed to secure a tiny HOUSE in our favourite location. I'm walking on fluffy clouds (and can't at all sleep!)

I am experiencing a very difficult time with mam and emotionally it's very worrying and draining. Practically I'm needed but time is running out. Emotionally i'm drained. Sisterly love has all but gone and i have been dropped right in it with dealing with mam's mess. In order live a guilt free new life I have to clear my mam's house to help her with a fresh start. things have took a horrid twist and mam needs my help. Sister, of course, is not with me to support me practically or emotionally. I am under the most pressure I have had to face in my entire life but my new life is very nearly here.

Striving for something, however small, helps you get through adversity, no matter how big.

wondercollie

Gailey, I think you are being a bit over optimistic expecting your husband's brother to help out.

I know what it is to be isolated with small children. My husband has been in the services all of our married life. I have never lived closer than 1200 km to mine or his families. I have been left at home alone for six months with a newborn, a 3 year old and a very hyper dog. Neither side visited during the time he was gone.

I just had to learn to be alone and get on with it. I had to look for free to inexpensive things to do. Playgroups almost saved my sanity at one point. Even going out with the pram, the dog and the toddler hanging on to the pram was sometimes the highlight of my week. People will speak to you if you smile or just say hello.

I had no income because, let's face it having no relatives, all the family responsibilities, and a husband in a warzone hardly made me employable.

Just take it hour by hour. It eventually passes. Our children turn out how they will because once they start school we are no longer the main influence in their lives. Then we start to wish for them to be little again.

It will pass, the world will get better.

Pooky

Morning all

Fuddle - so pleased you've found a little house! Well done. At least there's an end date to which you can help your mum now, you can get her house sorted with her help and then move on. Time for your families new life to begin!

Gailey - it sounds like you've got a lot of things going round in your head, I went through this when my DDs were small and I was with my ex. Every day was a battle of housework, decorating, renovating, child Care, money worries, self loathing etc etc. one day it all just snapped, I had a darn good cry and decided to just concentrate on one thing fully and the rest was allocated a small chunk of the week. Child care came first, I stopped resenting that ex wasnt home on time or that he didn't help when he was there, by not expecting any help, making the daily routine work for me. If he couldn't get home to see them before they went to bed, his loss. The house had the basic housework done daily, air the beds whilst having breakfast, make beds whilst dressing kids, a quick wash up, tidy and Hoover of one room and out the door for a walk/play group etc. I didn't faff around looking for reduced food, just cut out all the "treats" and reduced the shopping bill as much as possible. Kids were always in bed by 6.30/7pm and then I'd have a half hour whizz around tidying up and popping some laundry going (hung on airer before I went to bed). Even now when I have lots going on in my head and to much to cope with I revert back to "one thing" and doing that one thing properly. If your head space is taken up with lots of things, your life will be too.

Gorgeous morning here, feeling all perky after a good nights sleep too (was in bed at 8pm). got the back door wide open and it's fresh but not cold, lovely crisp air and such a treat to be able to do so nearly at the beginning of November!

DW and WM doing their thing and we're off out for the day. Aside from petrol it's a NSD so even better!

kidcat

Gailey I agree with pooky. That's how I am getting through this. I have accepted that currently I am working solo and getting on with it. Kids to bed and all. If he misses out that isn't my fault.

Try some new play groups out until you find one that fits. Racing out at moment but will reply properly later.

nuttyp

good morning everyone, tiz a very cold one here. brrrrr. Fuddle congrats on the house find, it sounds lovely and cozy. Im sure you will make homely and comfortable. How is alfie??

Monnogran, what will the island do without you and the rev?? All the homeless will no doubt be worried too, at least you care x Thankyou for reassuring us all that they were all safe.

Gailey I think we all experience loneliness at some point with littlies. Even tho I work, I only have a few friends. I know people by sight but that's about it. You can always chat to us here, I hope your feeling better today x

I took DD to the bus stop on the main road, the car read 3 degrees. Definatley a turn in the weather.

Just watching on catchup, obsessive compulsive cleaners. OMG, what an eye opener! Makes interesting viewing. Im not ocd, but my kids say I am as I insist on cleaning the bathroom and kitchen everyday and I air the beds daily. Oh well we are all different.

Must get some bits done, take care x

Cheapskate

Morning toughies

So many unhappy bunnies here this week (including us!), know it doesn't help much, but have a virtual strong cuppa and some homemade parkin on me for the time being.

Fuddle, have texted you, keep strong and feel free to have a moan! Families can be the very best or very worst of things, so just hang on to your DH and girls whilst it's carp!

All those fighting with authority, keep at 'em, especially if you know you're in the right.

Major hurry right now, wil chat properly later, (((hugs))) to everyone,


A xo