The OS Doorstep - a helpful and supportive thread in these tough times

jem132

Hi all sorry this is going to be quite long and a bit of a rant.

Dh and I have just had a massive row over nothing he says he runs around after us all same old story with him and wants me and the kids to move out.

He has taken me off the car insurance as it's expensive when I don't use the car. I am a very unhappy driver and feel unsave when I am alone after a bad accident wich killed a family member. So asked him to take me to Ikea he was ok with that then the lady from dla rang to say they are waiting for information from cams.
He started shouting at me telling me to get it sorted out and do things for my self there is nothing I can do. I feel like I can't do anything right.
Ds9 is so unhappy with his education situation as am I.
Every time dh and I argue he tells me to move out (its his house I left Myne 3 years ago to move into his silly me )

I just feel I can't take anymore and top it all a few weeks ago I ended up with a black eye stopping him from fighting with some one on our street.
Now every time he starts shouting I am waiting for it to happen again.

He thinks all the walking is good for me I am over weight so maybe it is but not that much it's just making me feel ill.

Not that he cares he's just stormed off to work 2 hours early so he doesn't have to give me a lift as school is on his way to the motorway.

I am sorry I just don't know where to turn if I speak to any of my rl friends I will feel like iv failed a second marriage as this is how it started with him then it got worse been attacked constantly for not doing things right I don't want to feel like that again.


Thanks for reading sorry x

VJsmum

Jem - for a start, it isn't his house it is your marital home and you have as much right to it as he does. I don't think he can just say that you and the kids should move out - what does he think you will do? He would still have to provide.

Have you thought about relate?

stiltwalker

Couldn't just read that and run jem, sending you big hugs (for what it's worth) and I really hope we can sort you out with some good advice or just plain old shoulder to cry on on here.

Have to run now as got to go and pick DH up from work, although not for much longer as he finished next Tues. He had the meeting at work about taking a career break but only had a quick text to say Tues so need to find out details.

PRINCESSX87

Jem. Hugs. I understand the difficulty your in. I do think sometimes we do become reliant on our OH’s. Its completely natural. I think my OH would trade me in - In an instance!
However, You both need to decide on what course of action your going to take to either make your relationship work or call it a day.

We’re very guilty of saying nasty things in the heat of the moment. Maybe he’s way of hurting you is say about you & the kiddies to move out. Its not right, But maybe its not meant either?

One thing you both should concerned over, No doubt you both are is what your children are seeing & hearing.

It can cause further issues down the line if they are hearing & seeing aggression from the pair of you. Heat of the moment or not. Therefore I was suggest as a matter of urgency that you spent time discussing what your options are for both of you.

Sorry if you feel my post was a little snappy or intrusive! Its just an outsiders point of view?!!

Good luck with whatever you decide.

savingqueen

jem, just a very quick read and reply as need to go out v soon. Huge hugs to you love. Doesn't sound if any of it is YOUR fault at all. Am I correct in thinking your OH gave you a black eye - if so that is not right - you know that sweetie? It is domestic abuse along with the threats of throwing you and your children out and you walking on eggshells. Sorry if I sound harsh but I think it needs saying as we all care about you. We are all looking out for you and on your side. I know you might jot want to hear this ans I am typing this fast without thinking. Your OH has NO right to hurt you as he has. If you feel unsafe today or any day PLEASE contact your local women's refuge or Women's Aid or similar. I will post again later, sorry have to go now. Stay calm and don't feel guilty and please stay safe.
sq xx

boultdj

[Hugs] jem, and I know you won't like the surgestion, but just in case he does get violent again, find out where your nearest shelter is and how to get there, be it on foot or public transpot, after all it's better to have the knoglage[sp?] and not need it, than to need it and have no knoglage of it.

RAS

jem

His behaviour is NOT acceptable.

Is this a rented house? In his name?

or social housing?

Please give Women's aid a ring ASAP, please

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/1276963

jem132 wrote: »

Hi all sorry this is going to be quite long and a bit of a rant.

Dh and I have just had a massive row over nothing he says he runs around after us all same old story with him and wants me and the kids to move out.

He has taken me off the car insurance as it's expensive when I don't use the car. I am a very unhappy driver and feel unsave when I am alone after a bad accident wich killed a family member. So asked him to take me to Ikea he was ok with that then the lady from dla rang to say they are waiting for information from cams.
He started shouting at me telling me to get it sorted out and do things for my self there is nothing I can do. I feel like I can't do anything right.
Ds9 is so unhappy with his education situation as am I.
Every time dh and I argue he tells me to move out (its his house I left Myne 3 years ago to move into his silly me )

I just feel I can't take anymore and top it all a few weeks ago I ended up with a black eye stopping him from fighting with some one on our street.
Now every time he starts shouting I am waiting for it to happen again.

He thinks all the walking is good for me I am over weight so maybe it is but not that much it's just making me feel ill.

Not that he cares he's just stormed off to work 2 hours early so he doesn't have to give me a lift as school is on his way to the motorway.

I am sorry I just don't know where to turn if I speak to any of my rl friends I will feel like iv failed a second marriage as this is how it started with him then it got worse been attacked constantly for not doing things right I don't want to feel like that again.

And if you are around next time he wants to get into a fight, leave him to it and let him take the consequences.

ArthriticOldThing

Jem your OH has no right to treat you in such a manner and you do not have to put up with it. I don't know much about the legal side of things but surely if you have been living there for three years then you have been making a contribution and as has been said, it must now be as much yours as his.

Its awful living on eggshells as you are, not knowing from one minute to the next what he is going to be like. You need to get yourself and children to a place of safety. Do I understand you've gone thru all this in a previous relationship? You don't have to go thru it again.

((((HUGS))))

kidcat

Jem I am appalled he can even consider saying such a thing. Can I suggest that maybe you take kids away for a couple of days and let him see how awful it is without you all there.

I dont remember what happened with your old house did you sell it or was it rented?

savingqueen

Jem - how are you love? Please PM me or someone else here if you need to offload, need any practical advice or help/support in any way. Please PM or post as soon as you can so we know you are ok.

I am happy to find out your nearest women's shelter if you PM me the area you live in. You can google yourself but make sure you delete your viewing history after. Also owing to the nature of your post and our replies - it would be a good idea NOT to let your OH see this thread.

BTW I have visited a women's shelter (not for myself) and it was a lovely, warm, welcoming, supportive and non-judgemental safe space. I hope you will consider what I and others have said about you and your children's safety. Might be worth gathering your important personal documents, bank details etc in case you do need to leave the house in a hurry. Hope I don't sound dramatic, we are just looking out for you and are all here to help you through this. Hugs.

sq x