The OS Doorstep - a helpful and supportive thread in these tough times

FairyPrincessk

Princess, mine is like that too. Part of it is down to personality. I'm a planner, to the extreme, and he is spontaneous, also to the extreme. It means we balance each other out, but that doesn't mean the balancing can't be a little uncomfortable! He recently bought something that we do not need with money that we will have, but do not really have right now. It wasn't very expensive, and he has wanted it for a long time--but what really upset me was that he purposely didn't tell me about it. I've told him dozens of times that if he will talk to me about that things and tell me he wants to put it in the budget that it isn't an issue, but he gets it into his head that he needs something (usually meaning he wants it) and that he must have it NOW. He has gotten better, and I've gotten better at letting the little things go. The truth is, we probably would be buying this thing in three weeks anyway and it isn't actually taking food off our table so I just let it go. In the long run, he'll never be a super duper planner and I'll always feel a little frustrated with his easy going spontaneity, but as long as we're both mostly on the same page I think its probably a good thing. After all, I didn't complain that he spent money on some roses from tesc0 for our anniversary, did I?

Still, I know that feeling. Have a cuppa and maybe make a compromise with him when he gets home. Say, we can work in one pair of trousers for now, but could you wait until next pay packet (or whatever is feasible) for another pair? Or perhaps you could do several soup nights and take the money from the food budget, but make clear to him that is why you're eating soup.

Hugs.x

mardatha

My husband, the famous RV, is great at saving his own money and great at spending mine. It's a system and he likes it. But I'm wise to it now!

lynsayjane

Morning all,
There was a distinct bite in the air this morning, might need to start looking out some warmer clothes Bad times!

My BF is an utter nightmare financially. He came to me straight from his mums house so never had to worry about bills or budgets and now trying to get him into thinking that way is a bit difficult. He has this mentality that if it gets paid into his bank account he has to spend it. We were hoping to have a wee holiday for his 21st in June but getting the dates we wanted off work was a pain so we then said we'd delay it till my birthday in October, even with that notice he didn't manage to actually save to go away and it fell through. Worked out ok in the end as I'm due keys for the new house the day after my birthday but now I'm dreading the increase in bills and budget!!

Only a half day at work this morning, I've got some trades coming round to work up the relevant certs I need for renting the flat out. There's a giant pile of paperwork on the living room floor relating to the new job and house so I think I'll be working through all that. Will work out a better to do list when I know how long the guys will be and what time I'll have to myself!

Hugs and healing thoughts to those who need them. Hope the weather is nice where you all are!

LJ x

alfsmum

monnagran wrote: »

She: That's an awful decision to have to make. I'm so sorry. As N2M says, it's wonderful that we can put our furry friends out of their misery. It just doesn't seem so much of a privilege when you actually have to do it.

nutty: I'd be tempted to ask the disciplinary lot if they would rather you turned up to work drunk and nicked off when nursing a hangover, as that seems perfectly acceptable to them.

Pops: No worries. I happen to know of a vicar going spare, house trained and one careful owner. Oh! Wrong denomination. Sorry.

Someone came in to the drop-in this evening to see what we did. She sat in while I managed the food bank and by halfway through she was in tears. She couldn't believe that I knew all their stories and she was staggered at how grateful and humble all the folks were. She went off determined to get all her friends (and she has many) to donate food. Great! She was also amazed at the number of rough, tough chaps and tattooed girls who came for a hug. She even got a few herself. I had to explain that whatever their circumstances and however they got there, they were all lost, little children inside and it was important that just for a moment once a week they felt special and loved.
She left a sadder and wiser woman.

x

MONNAGRAN you made me laugh with your tale of the RC service and now you've made me cry. How lucky your drop-in folk are to have that special love and attention. However strong we may like to think we are, most of us need a hug now and then.

Food banks are springing up across the county here and I'm sure it is the same elsewhere. There but for the grace of God....(and I am not religious;) )

Keep up the wonderful work, I'm sure the reward is in seeing the difference it makes to people's lives.

alfsmum

Normal service has been resumed with the weather. Raining steadily when we got up just before 5 and pitch black not much lighter when we got back from a very soggy dog walk and still drizzling steadily now. Another heap of wet doggy towels await the wash.

Dd16 went off for her first full week at college this morning after induction week, didn't wake up when her alarm went off but luckily we were back with dogs in time to wake her. She slopped her cup of tea all down the stairs, her bus was late then she texted to say she had forgotten her timetable!!! Had to txt it through piecemeal so she knows where she's going today. In three weeks time she starts her Christmas temp job at weekends so heaven help us then. Job for next weekend is to look for a warm, waterproof, reasonably priced coat that she will condescend to wear as her course has lots of outdoor elements including farm work. She will have overalls and wellies but will need a layer to keep her dry walking back and forth from college to farm unit. I would dip into the savings to get a decent waxed type jacket if I thought she would wear it!

Dd18 has her Uni timetable for next week so is hyper excited. She has a couple of days work this week but wants to go clothes shopping today as her money is burning a hole in her pocket. I'm not good with shops and crowds at the moment but I've said I'll see how I feel in a bit as I'd love to look round. With this dratted anxiety it's ages since I've managed a proper perusal of the shops. Wish me luck!

alfsmum

shegar wrote: »

Thanks for your support messages , very kind, im gonna make her appointment to see the vet , and like one message said , I will see what the vet says and go with that. I know that its only a matter of time and she will pass, but ive had 16 good years with her , such a sweet little chihuahua, so loyal to me, never had a lead on her...........

I cant watch her suffer whatever , im sure right now she is not suffering , she is already on Incurin tabs to stop her weeing when shes a sleep , so we will see how it goes, ive put her cage beside my bed with 2 soft fleecy blankets , cos she likes to get under her blankets, yea she is ruined through and through:D:).................

Just fed the hedgehog, he comes right up to the patio doors , he as had porridge oats and sun flower hearts tonight , so far ......So im now off to bed ........
Sheila........

Sheila, I hope you and your little dog have had a good night. Hopefully the vet will be able to put your mind at rest and make sure your doggy is comfortable. We had to have one of our dogs PTS some years ago, he was 11 so not a bad age for a Lab but had lung cancer so would have been in more and more distress if we had left him much longer. Dh took him on his own as our girls were too little to take with us for something like that or to leave at home but I still feel guilty that I didn't go.

All the best with the appointment and hope you get good news.

katieowl_2

Morning Gang!!!

Baking day for the market (tomorrow) today, just having my brekkie and girding my loins, having whipped around & cleaned up the kitchen in preparation. Takings were definately tapering off last week, with the tourists heading home, so I've revised the plan for this week to include a vegan ready meal as they were so popular last winter with our constant local customers. I keep them GF too, so they tick all the boxes. A little bit of me hopes there will be one or two left after the market, as it's a quick dinner for me too

DS incinerated the deceased chicken last night. He's a good boy! He knew I wouldn't want to do it.

If you see me here again later tell me off...I'm supposed to be working :rotfl:

Kate

fuddle

Sheila my thoughts are with yourself and Rosie. I know a friend of mine had her old lady pup on medication for the same troubles but she didn't have other worrisome conditions. Sadly pup is no longer with us and died 3 months later but that was 3 months of love and affection. My friend did say that she found it incredibly difficult coping with knowing that she only had a very short time left with her and in hindsight wished she hadn't pushed for the medication.

Sheila it's an awful set of circumstances and you do the right thing in allowing the vet to guide you with what he thinks is right for Rosie. Sorry Sheila, it's so sad.

How do the Islanders view Open Arms monnagran? Do Islanders in general realise there is a need there? How are you in the aftermath of the newspaper piece? I hope you're getting some respite because I know you and you'll be concerned with making everyone else feel alright that you'll neglect yourself. Look after yourself ok

I have finally sorted the repayment for my tax credit overpayment. I can repay at £20 per month so that is a relief. I'm not normally one to bury my head in the sand but I was beginning to dread the phone or post and all that brought back too many memories of difficult times.

My mam apparently blacked out and had blurred vision on a 'lunch' in town with my aunty (also had alcohol problems but seems to be coping better now, although I haven't seen her in years as most of my family disowned me when I didn't go to my other aunty's funeral. The reason being it was when I didn't have a car - asked sister for a lift. Sister said she wasn't going. Sister did go but didn't tell me and now I'm the black sheep) Aunty took her home in a taxi. She's seen the state of my mam's house and now understands the extent of my mam's alcohol problem. I was telephoned last night and wiped the floor with regarding allowing my mam to get in that state and not helping her tidy her house. My sister, equally responsible and lives much nearer than I do wasn't called. I'm a bit all over the place today.

I spend my life trying to not be the victim. I try to be as positive as possible and take ownership of my own life. I can't deal with others infiltrating those thoughts and making me feel like a victim. I cannat stand feeling sorry for myself and after everything that has gone on and the hurt that I should feel, I don't I just feel angry at myself for feeling all 'woe me'.

DH rang, his boss doesn't get back to work till tomorrow so still don't know about the move.

monnagran

Hi all.
Both princesses and anyone else who has partners who don't share the same mean, (sorry, I mean 'careful') tendencies as us.

I suppose one man's extravagance is another man's necessity. The Rev likes to set up scenes in church for special services and believe me, she is never knowingly underdisplayed. Thus we have bags of candles, rocks, pebbles, gravel, candles, sand, shells, candles, stars, twinkly lights, candles, different coloured materials, dried leaves and artificial flowers. And candles. What does she do when she wants pebbles or a certain size or colour of candles? She buys another lot!
And there's me manufacturing amazing meals out of leftovers, making everything I can as cheaply as possible and turning over every penny a dozen times before reluctantly parting with it.

SIGH.............

Thoughts are with you Sheila, plus lots of hugs.

Have a good week AOT.

Off to make bread and muck out the fridge. I may be gone some time.

x

[Deleted User]

FUDDLE that is simply not fair!!! Your mother is an adult and can make her own choices, you are NOT her keeper. Your aunt is extremely out of order in phoning you and putting all the blame and guilt on your shoulders, why hasn't she helped? she can't have been oblivious to the facts of your Mums alcoholism, why hasn't she been to help clear the house and keep your mum off the booze? because no one can, that's why and it's far easier to use you as a scapegoat pet, than to take any responsibility on for herself!!! Don't beat yourself up over it, you're not in posession of a magic wand to fix it and it certainly isn't your fault or your sole responsibility to change it, live your own life lovie, don't let family get under your guard and don't let it get you down. I hope so very much that tomorrow brings you the news of a new life in Dorset away from all the family trials and tribulations you have to face where you are at present. I'll be keeping everything crossed for you, and I'm always here or on the other end of a pm if you want to talk.

MOLLY how is everything going love? Hope you have good news of your dad and that he is in better health now and also that your mum is able to cope at home. Are you back home yet? or still in hospital getting over the op? If you get a chance let us know how everything is going, been thinking of you and the puppies and hoping you're not all missing each other too much.

Look after yourselves everyone and have a good day, try not to get too wet, Love Lyn xxx.