The OS Doorstep - a helpful and supportive thread in these tough times

FairyPrincessk

Hear, hear SQ! Princess, what a helpful and reassuring post!


SQ, I'm so glad my rambling helped you. I often worry--that the dishes and furniture don't match, that we have a chair that can't be sat in because it needs a repair, that I haven't gotten around to clearing the weeds between the cracks in the path, that my food is simple and not very expensive. You know? I think people actually appreciate what I see as shortcomings, it makes them feel welcome and cared about to be invited in to see the things that make me vulnerable. We are often so much harder on ourselves than we are on others, aren't we?

savingqueen

FairyPrincessk wrote: »

Hear, hear SQ! Princess, what a helpful and reassuring post!


SQ, I'm so glad my rambling helped you. I often worry--that the dishes and furniture don't match, that we have a chair that can't be sat in because it needs a repair, that I haven't gotten around to clearing the weeds between the cracks in the path, that my food is simple and not very expensive. You know? I think people actually appreciate what I see as shortcomings, it makes them feel welcome and cared about to be invited in to see the things that make me vulnerable. We are often so much harder on ourselves than we are on others, aren't we?

Yes! That makes so much sense thank you:A

I have increasingly over the last few years been able to tell people about my past, feelings and so on and find people opening up and unburdening themself to me. My home is a physical representation in some ways of me, the good bits (comfy sofa, friendly cats, big old kitchen table etc) and not so good (battered furniture, french doors you have to heave open as runners going,far too many too list!) and even the clutter, a lot of it is important to us like our books, the kids' toys and games, their drawings etc. Why do I feel the need to put on a false, perfect front?

DS9 had a friend over last week and although I made sure the downstairs was swept and loos clean etc, I didn't do my old trick of stuffing paperwork in bags to discover weeks later still untouched, along with previous bags creating more work in the long run. I am slowly learning to let some things go. Having said that, we have way too much clutter and do need to decorate etc so don't want to go completely the other way either! When I was single and a stressed out workaholic, I cleaned my flat obsessively, all part of control thing I guess. It is taking me years to reach a healthy equilibrium.

Today has been the noisest Sunday here with lawnmowers whirring and people fixing cars (as they should on a bank holiday weekend ) so couldn't sleep. DH has offered to make our dinner - been giving him instructions from the sofa to make a fish pie. He has got so used to me cooking now that he rarely offers and when he does it's a frozen job. Will do him good .
I am propping up my eyelids, decided to try and stay awake and hopefully will sleep tonight. When DH took boys to town, they had donuts from bakers and he bought me back a minibag of thornytons chocs to cheer me up - lucky me eh?

sq:)

[Deleted User]

SQ our house is full of things, He Who Knows idea of tidy is to put it on the floor so he can see where it is, the study I am typing in now is like that, but it's his study and I do dust and vacuum occasionally.
I have masses of books, mostly cookery but I read them all, none of our furniture is new, none of it matches but somehow it all sits happily beside the other bits and makes the room homey. When I see pristine, tidy, minimalist rooms on TV or in photographs, with the arty flower arrangement on the shining glass topped table, no photos on the walls, the big TV and the games console the only entertainment visible I think some folks must lead very dull and arid lives. Our homes are a reflection of us as people and most of us, you included have warm, full, lived in, loved living spaces that are for living in and not just for looking at. So the crocks don't all match and maybe the picnic cutlery does come out occasionally well, so what? Your guests won't remember what they ate the lovingly prepared and delicious food off of, they won't remember mis matched mugs they drank coffee from, what they will remember is the warmth of the company, being relaxed because houses like ours do make you relax, feeling happy and welcome and that well being that comes from having hosts who are really pleased you are thier guests!!! You can't pay for that, you can buy a showroom home if you really feel the need, I know which I prefer, Cheers Lyn xxx.

floss2

Just been to pick up my entries from the Allotments show and have to share: I got 3 Firsts! Also got 6 Seconds so am a very happy bunny

GreyQueen

floss2 wrote: »

Just been to pick up my entries from the Allotments show and have to share: I got 3 Firsts! Also got 6 Seconds so am a very happy bunny

:j:j:j

Oh very well done! Are there some celebratory bevvies lined up? Cheers! :beer:

Pooky

Well done Floss!

I've just ordered everything for my raised bed, will be digging up half the lawn next week!! Exciting!

fuddle

Well done floss2!! What produce did you get your rewards in?

[Deleted User]

Brilliant stuff FLOSS, huge congratulations on your fantastic results,Cheers LYN XXX.

GeorgieFTB

PRINCESSX87 wrote: »

Just wanted to shed some light on the “reporting of child abuse”

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Social services and allegations of child abuse are taken seriously, HOWEVER SS has to have “just cause” in investigate in any means. So some moron calling telling lies might end up you gaining a visit, However these people are trained to see the whole picture.

If your child(ren) are screaming in pain, have bruises all over their bodies, are showing abuse signs then they will go ahead and check for police reports or other claims / complaints.

Kez, You have no worry. I have worked closely within the SS abuse lines and from what your saying teaching your children the difference between right & wrong will show itself. The complaint then will be held as malicious & they will be aware for future call’s emails ect.

...

I would also advise that you “do” speak to the head teacher of your children’s schools, playgroups ect. Make sure you hand the complaint as you want to remain as anonymous. The school then will have no choice but to keep an eye on your children. Should they then fail you & the kiddies, You have the school over a barrel.

...

I’m here if you would like a shoulder to rant on chicken. Keep strong & enjoy those lovely buba’s in your life. Their precious

I couldn't agree more, kez. I just wanted to add my two pennth worth to the debate...

I inherited my two boys about 7 years ago, actually 7 years in October, I'm 31 now so I was quite young when I got them. For a start age doesn't make a difference, some people make great parents and some don't...

Because of what my kids went through I know something about abuse, if you know what you are looking for you can tell if a kid has been abused, SS know what they are looking for, so don't worry on that score. And just to make you even more secure my in-laws, but I could never prove it was them, call SS on me, accusing me of neglecting the boys. The first I knew about it was a letter that came in the post from SS telling me there had been an allegation and that they had found no evidence so were not pursuing it.

A few weeks later I was talking to the lady that runs the after school club, she mentioned that she had been asked about the boys and was glad that it had been dropped. I wanted to know what had been said... (Word for word) "oh they asked if I thought the boys were always scruffy, well I laughed and said of course, they are little boys, and they wanted to know if I thought the parents were to blame, I laughed again and said no because in the holidays they start out neat but very quickly get very scruffy here..." Her honesty made me giggle as DS1 can leave the house looking neat but somewhere on the walk to school, while walking next to me I might add, will look like he's been dragged through a hedge backward!

Handle talking to the school as reasonably as you can, try to make sure you come across as normal as you can for an old styler, I have found that the more normal and reasonable you come across the more likely they are to take your side, if D or L or any alphabetty person (sorry couldn't remember the letters) do come across as a haraden then you can just sit back and smile.

Keep your head up
Gx

floss2

Thank you!

Firsts were Fruit pie (blackberry & apple), Biscuits (choc chip) and Muffins (banana), Seconds for Chutney, Lemon Cake, Victoria Sponge, Herbs, Peppers & Shallots