The OS Doorstep - a helpful and supportive thread in these tough times

fuddle

and most probably the child who was doing that to your DD Lyn, was a child who didn't have boundaries, was never told no to and didn't have any respect for parents as they weren't no nonsense friends.

A child that will get their way regardless is a child who grows up into an adult scarred as they will have learned behaviours that are non too nice. When I think of my 'friends' they bullied me by blowing cigarette smoke in my face, chose to ignore me, said I should change to fit in with them etc. Every single one of them had their parents wrapped around their little fingers. Those friends had everything - but they didn't have a backbone and followed each other like lost little sheep. How did I solve it? I didn't, I endured it but I was determined to hang around like a bad smell, doing the opposite to what they wanted and found myself getting stronger by the day. It was pergatory, they didn't like me and I didn't like them but would I heck leave the friends I had had from being 5 on their say so. Nope, that means they would have won.

No-matter how I feel about my mam, she never pandered to us. She didn't spend time with us or give us life experience so I don't have the respect for her as I would hope my two have for me but I have thanks that she at least parented in a fashion that stood me in good stead behaviour and attitude wise. She was no nonsense but she wasn't my friend.

FairyPrincessk

Morning all,

Kez--big, big hugs. I think you're wise to avoid people who make you feel this way and that you think threaten your children. It sounds like you will have plenty of support in the decision from your other friends. I think becoming a mother at 17 must be incredibly difficult and I have a world of respect for anyone who overcomes those difficulties and creates a loving home life for their children. Anyone who feels the need to belittle you is not worth your time. Chances are, given a bit of time and distance, D will get bored with your silence, move on and find someone else to fixate on.

Princess--I hope you had a nice easy meal and a nice time with baby Ruby. We use the supermarket trick too--if we really want an easy meal one night. These days we don't even think of the takeaway, and we have to talk each other into the easy meals, but you do need them every now and then. My other trick is to have a few easy meals on the menu plan each week, or at least in the store cupboard. Cheese on toast is one of my favourites.;)

Mrs. LW, the basket sounds absolutely lovely.

Well, I'm pleased to say that last night was very enjoyable. The food came off and was very tasty, everyone seemed to really enjoy it and appreciate that it was just simple food, nothing fancy but well made with healthy ingredients.

I totted it up for one of the men who is watching his figure that our meal had 4 of your 5 a day in it. We have another friend in our circle who is away at the moment, she often has people over and stuffs them full of rich and heavy food, sometimes even asking people to contribute as much as they would spend on a restaurant meal. While I know she means well, I've always felt a bit intimidated, especially as we have had to miss a few of her lavish suppers because they weren't in the budget. I always felt I couldn't live up, and our friends would find our house dowdy in comparison. That is until yesterday when I was chopping the veg for our dinner and realized I don't want my friends to feel so uncomfortable and like they must go to the gym after they leave my table, or live off baked beans to pay for my company. It made me feel far more confident, and I think I'll worry less about the food in future.

We all have a lovely time chatting and catching up and there is leftover soup, salad and bread for lunch today. And a bit of cake:D None of our dishes match, and I had to dig some cutlery out of the picnic basket to have enough. It was also my first time cooking for so many people so there weren't seconds of the main, but everyone seemed to have had plenty. Happy friends, good food and an enjoyable evening that didn't cost the earth, what more could I ask for?

Right, it is off to Ald! in a bit for the weekly shop, and then I think today might be the day to wash jumpers for the winter. There are two warm days predicted so now is as good a time as I'm likely to get before autumn.

[Deleted User]

FUDDLE the child that was the ringleader was the daughter of a local county set well to do farmer whose father in law was a well respected solicitor!!!! She was bright, very pretty, very spoiled, had ponies, and a very privileged life and as long as she was the centre of her world life was fine!!! She was you see so used to the acclaim and adulation that went with all that she couldn't tolerate another child coming into the group to challenge her intellectually and performance wise, especially a child 18 months younger to boot. She turned into malice personified and because of her ability to give thier offspring the 'in' to a set of influential people via her parents no one was going to cross her will were they? Not one of the people who had previously been my friends ever made eye contact again, thier loss not ours believe me, friends like that I can do without, Cheers Lyn xxx.

fuddle

Well 'tis a day of packing for us. The plan is to leave at 5am Tuesday morning so I have to be sorted by tomorrow evening so the car can be packed.

We have been saving change so that is to go in the car. Change for parking so we don't need to break into notes. The idea is we should spend nothing but on food replenishments. I have my food list and will be Aldi'ing tomorrow.

I'm sad to say that Alfie isn't coming with us. You know how he is - a mix of excitement and nervousness. He would not cope with hearing every noise on the camp site and we would not cope with him jumping up at the tent walls to get out to see what the noise is! With it being a rekkie too... we just need to be free to go and talk to whoever/wherever we need without thinking about the difficulties having a galoof of a dog full-time. Hear me trying to justify it? It's upsetting me as he's never been away from us and I know he will miss us terribly. We've been sleeping with a fleecey blanket all week and hoping that by giving him that, as well as his bed topper and favourite rubber chicken he will feel that we are near. Jeeez filling up here.

Littlest DD has been camping but can't remember it so she's very excited. I'm a little daunted as it will be the first time of proper camping... i.e no electric hook up, pub lunches etc but I'm so different now to even just 3 years ago so I will embrace it.

About to go look at recipes for scratch curry. I have a lot of spices so hoping it will cost me the protein and chopped tomatoes only every week. DH loved the 16p curry but when I saw how it has stained my dishcloth and metal on the side of the pan I am horrified at to what it will do to our insides. Spices stain but the colour that was left behind was somewhat nuclear!

Enjoy your Sunday folks

savingqueen

Hi everyone

welcome back maryb, did you go on holiday? would love to do you a summary of last couple of weeks but my brain is like mush right now, sorry.

Kez, when people act as these so called "friends" did, there is always a reason behind it. They are unhappy and probably jealous of your family life. If it isn't you they are bullying, it will be someone else. You know what sort of person you are, what sort of parent and these other people's opinions are worthless. Cut them out of your life, speak to the school if you want to, stick to your real friends and carry on being the wonderful mum and friend you are. Hold your head up high and carry on being you.

Glad your meal went well FairyPK. Well done, your guests enjoyed YOUR yummy food in YOUR welcoming home, what could be better? Thanks for sharing, helped me no end as I have issues with people visiting and cooking for them. I am working on having people over more, I get anxious about the state of the house (all aspects - untidyness, clutter, decor, all the stuff that needs replacing/repairing). Crazy thing is I know really that true friends have come to see me/us and don't give a fig and any that do, aren't worth worrying over. It is easier now I am getting more confident with baking so the house doesn't bother me as much if I can produce nice cakes for visitors! The whole meal thing will take some more working on!

Next door had a party, they turned the music down low before 12 but the teenagers shouting at each other rather than talking and generally mucking about in the street went on for hours. I have hardly slept and feeling the consequences. Tried going back to sleep but this morning someone has spent an hour revving their car up and now neighbours the other side are hammering. I give up! Supposed to have a family day out but ended up with DH taking boys into town for a couple of hours instead whilst I moan on here.

Okey will get some washing on, have tons to do and we have sun. Need a bath too. That's my list so far, not much of a list eh? I am useless without my sleep!

sq:)

savingqueen

Mrs LW - what an awful experience as a child, you went through so much. I wonder how happy the bully's life ended up, I hope that she became a better person as an adult. Those years are long gone now and I am so glad you have a happy life with your DH, doggie and lovely daughters and expanding family. We are so very lucky to have you here with us.

sq:)

savingqueen

Hi lillibet :wave:

Nice to know you are nearish, though suspect a fair distance away. I noticed you have a blog so will look forward to reading it later.

Anyone else in Essex out of interest?

sq:)

[Deleted User]

SQ bless you, it was my DD who did the suffering, I was so cross with the whole situation, mostly cross that all we'd done was go home after a few years abroad for the company. Someone very wise, one of He Who Knows work friends said the most sensible thing to me when he said, sometimes you have to accept that you can't fix things, no matter whose fault, no matter how innocent you are, some things are unfixable. All you can do is cope, you'll never be able to change it!!! He was right, so we walked away, leaving it unfixed. I don't know what happened to the child at the centre of it all, I do however know that my child, recovered from her hurt, although she will not even speak of it to this day, made lifelong friends here in Hampshire, made the most of her education and is now a fully qualified Doctor well on her way to becoming a fully trained GP and I have my lovely life here, with really lovely people in it, my home, my village, my river and all the walks, my garden everything that we are together, frankly I don't really care what happened to her, I wish her no ill but she is insignificant in what has happened since then, and now is so very much better for all of us, she can do and be what she likes, it doesn't matter a jot!!! Cheers Lyn xxx.

PRINCESSX87

Just wanted to shed some light on the “reporting of child abuse”

I don’t claim to be a professional in the field, However, I started working in childcare at 13, Once an adult I studied childcare in more depth and this is what I can advise.

Social services and allegations of child abuse are taken seriously, HOWEVER SS has to have “just cause” in investigate in any means. So some moron calling telling lies might end up you gaining a visit, However these people are trained to see the whole picture.

If your child(ren) are screaming in pain, have bruises all over their bodies, are showing abuse signs then they will go ahead and check for police reports or other claims / complaints.

Kez, You have no worry. I have worked closely within the SS abuse lines and from what your saying teaching your children the difference between right & wrong will show itself. The complaint then will be held as malicious & they will be aware for future call’s emails ect.

Nowadays people who have issues with others use the police, SS as a scare tactic. It doesn’t work no more, The authorities have gotten wise to it. So, Hun, Sit back & relax. If they really feel hell bent on making their selves look stupid then so be it.

I would also advise that you “do” speak to the head teacher of your children’s schools, playgroups ect. Make sure you hand the complaint as you want to remain as anonymous. The school then will have no choice but to keep an eye on your children. Should they then fail you & the kiddies, You have the school over a barrel.

Also, In regards to the threats, Your well within your rights to head down to the local police station and ask them to report what’s happened. Its slander and threatening behaviour. Therefore your so called friends could actually spend a night in a cell or receive a lovely fine should their behaviour continue.

Nobody should be made to feel - what your feeling. I have worked with many young parents and many are better than older mums. If you have brought your children up in a happy & healthy environment & the kiddies have learnt life skills and anything else needed to make them strong well mannered future adults then your doing something right lovely.

Keep your chin up & cut the rubbish out. Everyone is having it hard right now, If you don’t need or want them, Delete them…. Xx

I’m here if you would like a shoulder to rant on chicken. Keep strong & enjoy those lovely buba’s in your life. Their precious

savingqueen

Sorry MrsLW, although I read your post at first and realised it was your DD you were writing about, in my current head state I converted your DD to you. Of course my empathies go out to your daughter but still you would have suffered too. So I will add that it is brilliant that your daugher got over that experience and has a fantastic life same as you and HWK. You are a wonderful family with lots to look forward to.

Sensible words from HWK's friend - that what we sometimes have to do us toughies, just cope and that is good enough in itself.

Princess, a great post for kez. A young mum friend of mine who I sort of took under my wing a while ago had a similar experience with another young mum who was spiteful and horrible and threatened my lovely friend with SS and talking to the school. Thing is my friend hadn't done anything wrong at all, never has, doubt ever will. My friend mustered up the courage to talk to school who were very supportive and actually knew the other woman's history. She was known as a troublemaker to them all and her children's father were given custody of them for a while. I think the woman has pulled herself together now and has the kids back and she is closely watched I think. Kez, all will be well in the end- and you have a secret weapon - real friends in RL and us lot here.

sq:)