Am I being unresonable?

choir-girl

marisco wrote: »

You are right OP, you can't afford it. To state the obvious is not to be unreasonable it is just facing facts and being realistic. I would be very surprised if your husband would be approved for enough finance to purchase a vehicle of that value, going on the amount you disclosed as being his income. Possibly something that has not occurred to him yet.

His response to this disagreement between you is unreasonable and he shows a scant disregard for your thoughts and feelings on the matter. I am not surprised that you are not happy about this situation. You need to try and talk things through with him and reach an agreement that you are both happy with. As part of a couple it shouldn't come down to one of you doing as they wish, while the other ones opinions are dismissed and ignored, when it comes to major purchases or anything else for that matter.

To be honest I have never understood people who want to spend thousands on a car. The minute you drive one away from a forecourt it starts to depreciate in value. Then there are all the running costs to take into account as well; fuel expenses, costs of new tyres, road tax, insurance etc. Has he checked into all this too and factored in whether he can afford to run this type of car long term?

Unfortunately he dosn't factor in anything, he just wants the car, bit like a spolit child. We've had these issues throughout most of our marriage, him wanting things we cannot afford and me stopping him. It used to be vast extentions on the house, but we eventually sold that house because we couldn't afford to live there anymore. But apparently I think small and that's an issue for him (who thinks big)!

choir-girl

JimmyTheWig wrote: »

Do you do any of those things?
What are you going to choose to the value of £24k, then?

Listen, there are two things at play here...
1. Is money being spent fairly between you. Sounds like it isn't, but with some couples they are happy with that. Some people don't need to spend much money. Others feel the need to. You love him, so if you are happy with letting him spend more money than you then that is fine. If you are not happy, then it needs to change.

2. Spending money is all about choices and priorities. Whatever happens, generally over the lifetime you will spend the same amount of money that comes in.
Some people buy things on credit which means they pay interest. These people, therefore, have less money to spend on stuff. Just stop and read that back again because it is slightly counter-intuitive. People who buy things on credit over the long run buy less stuff than people who save up for it. Is he happy being one of those people who buys less stuff, or would he rather change the way he does things and buy more stuff? Up to him.
If he is spending money on a car, that is money that he can't spend on anything else. By spending money on a car, he is choosing that car over stuff he could do with you. Is that ok with him? Is that ok with you? If not, it needs to change.

[Obviously there is a third point in that it doesn't look like he can afford this car. But he's not going to accept that, so I would concentrate on the priorities angle if I were you.]

I like your second point, and will try to remember to use this next time we have this discussion.

He's gone quiet on the subject now, we had words last night when the mate from the garage called with a better deal! Apparently he's going to wait until the end of the year, as his present car will be worth more then when he trades it in (work that one out)!

choir-girl

tayforth wrote: »

Good. Just tell him that you're not going to be paying a SINGLE PENNY towards his credit card any more. And that's that.

As for the local car dealer, if he is using a third party e.g. a bank to provide the credit for your husband's cars, isn't he committing fraud or similar if he doesn't verify your husband's income?

Trouble is I can't let us run up credit card debt, it's happened in the past and I vowed it would never happen again!!

For some reason he seems to be able to get credit without anyone asking about his income, I've also bought a car from this garage and it was the same for me, just asked who my employer was. The credit is with a well known high street bank so it's not dodgy!!

pawsies

tinkerbell28 wrote: »

So he is taking out fiance on a car, for a whole lot more than what he earns in a year?

I don't even see him being accepted. Car fiance requires pay slips, bank statements, etc.

Taking who's fiance out? :eek:

Lou67

You're NOT being unreasonable OP. That is a LOT of money to pay for a car. Some men of 18 to late 20s may have obsessions over new, flash cars, but someone past middle age? That's just weird. I would seriously try to talk him out of it! Good luck.

CH27

OP your husband is a selfish git.

Georgiegirl256

choir-girl wrote: »

We do have separate bank accounts and I made sure that the main credit card is in his name. I think if I cut up the card he would probably explode.

His reasoning for having a new car is that he's a nice person, he dosn't interfere with small children, dosnt' get drunk or beat people up so why shouldn't he have a nice car. It really is so difficult to make him see reason. He's one of those people that once he starts talking (usually about himself) he can talk for hours!

When I get home I'm going to check in the mirror and see if it says MUG on my forehead!!:rotfl:

What a weird thing to say regarding the small children comment.... If someone used that as justification as to why they wanted to buy a new car or whatever, I don't know, but that would freak me out abit....very strange.

tayforth

choir-girl wrote: »

Trouble is I can't let us run up credit card debt, it's happened in the past and I vowed it would never happen again!!

For some reason he seems to be able to get credit without anyone asking about his income, I've also bought a car from this garage and it was the same for me, just asked who my employer was. The credit is with a well known high street bank so it's not dodgy!!

You may have to resort to contacting the garage owner and explaining that your joint income has reduced considerably and you won't be in a position to buy any cars from him for the foreseeable future. To conceal it from your husband, all he has to do is ask for proof of income next time. He could blame the bank, saying that they've tightened up on loans.


Only you know whether that's a viable option, but it seems as if it's that or the debt.

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

What a weird thing to say regarding the small children comment.... If someone used that as justification as to why they wanted to buy a new car or whatever, I don't know, but that would freak me out abit....very strange.

I agree, I was speechless when I read it before!!!! :eek:

paulineb_2

I think there must be far more issues than just the car. Because if hes that selfish it will come across in other ways

Tbh, as long as you arent paying a penny towards it, Id let him do what he liked, even if it meant he sinks

Maybe then he might realise he cant live beyond his means and Id also be having a good long think about whether I wanted to stay with someone who has no regard for your feelings, only his own.

tayforth

paulineb wrote: »

I think there must be far more issues than just the car. Because if hes that selfish it will come across in other ways

Tbh, as long as you arent paying a penny towards it, Id let him do what he liked, even if it meant he sinks

Maybe then he might realise he cant live beyond his means and Id also be having a good long think about whether I wanted to stay with someone who has no regard for your feelings, only his own.

I agree. His underlying selfishness is a major problem, IMHO.