Am I being unresonable?

tayforth

Just saw your post #40. Cut up his credit card.

Yes, I'm serious. Yes, he can get a replacement but that'll take a week or so. By which time you'll hopefully have talked some sense into him.

I'm appalled at this, honestly.

LannieDuck

choir-girl wrote: »

It's difficult to cut off his cash supply as he has a credit card although he cannot access the bank account as he doesn't have a bank card.

Actually relatively simple, I would have thought.

Set him up a new account into which his earnings go. Set up standing orders for the day after his payday for half the utility costs to go into your account (from where you would continue to pay the bills). Everything that's left is his to play with.

If he wants to carry on spending via the credit card, make sure it's in his name only, and point it at his account.

kelpie35

Is there any way that you can both have your own bank accounts?

I have been in your position many years ago and also vowed I would never get into a mess financially again.

I choose to have separate bank accounts and it worked for me.

I DON'T think you are being unreasonable at all. You deserve to have a life too without having to alway worry about having enough money to pay the bills.

choir-girl

We do have separate bank accounts and I made sure that the main credit card is in his name. I think if I cut up the card he would probably explode.

His reasoning for having a new car is that he's a nice person, he dosn't interfere with small children, dosnt' get drunk or beat people up so why shouldn't he have a nice car. It really is so difficult to make him see reason. He's one of those people that once he starts talking (usually about himself) he can talk for hours!

When I get home I'm going to check in the mirror and see if it says MUG on my forehead!!:rotfl:

Bennifred

choir-girl wrote: »

We do have separate bank accounts and I made sure that the main credit card is in his name. I think if I cut up the card he would probably explode.

His reasoning for having a new car is that he's a nice person, he dosn't interfere with small children, dosnt' get drunk or beat people up so why shouldn't he have a nice car. It really is so difficult to make him see reason. He's one of those people that once he starts talking (usually about himself) he can talk for hours!

When I get home I'm going to check in the mirror and see if it says MUG on my forehead!!:rotfl:

Doesn't that apply to most people? It doesn't alter the fact that he can't afford a new car/lots of golf etc on his income.

LannieDuck

Would he let you replace his credit card with a debit card?

Wouldn't make any real difference to the way he lives his day-to-day life... except he wouldn't be able to spend what he doesn't have.

Rosemary7391

I don't do any of those things, yet I can't even afford to rent a room (having to move back to my parents ) let alone spend thousands of pounds on luxuries. OP, maybe look at it this way - ask him why he wants you to buy him a new car? With those figures that appears to be what is happening.

marisco_2

choir-girl wrote: »

The new vehicle is £26K, now bearing mind that he only eant £17K last year and has only earnt £5K so far this year, I have said this is unreasonable and we cannot afford it.

He disagrees and says it is his decision and he will do what he wants.

You are right OP, you can't afford it. To state the obvious is not to be unreasonable it is just facing facts and being realistic. I would be very surprised if your husband would be approved for enough finance to purchase a vehicle of that value, going on the amount you disclosed as being his income. Possibly something that has not occurred to him yet.

His response to this disagreement between you is unreasonable and he shows a scant disregard for your thoughts and feelings on the matter. I am not surprised that you are not happy about this situation. You need to try and talk things through with him and reach an agreement that you are both happy with. As part of a couple it shouldn't come down to one of you doing as they wish, while the other ones opinions are dismissed and ignored, when it comes to major purchases or anything else for that matter.

To be honest I have never understood people who want to spend thousands on a car. The minute you drive one away from a forecourt it starts to depreciate in value. Then there are all the running costs to take into account as well; fuel expenses, costs of new tyres, road tax, insurance etc. Has he checked into all this too and factored in whether he can afford to run this type of car long term?

JimmyTheWig

choir-girl wrote: »

His reasoning for having a new car is that he's a nice person, he dosn't interfere with small children, dosnt' get drunk or beat people up so why shouldn't he have a nice car. It really is so difficult to make him see reason.

Do you do any of those things?
What are you going to choose to the value of £24k, then?

Listen, there are two things at play here...
1. Is money being spent fairly between you. Sounds like it isn't, but with some couples they are happy with that. Some people don't need to spend much money. Others feel the need to. You love him, so if you are happy with letting him spend more money than you then that is fine. If you are not happy, then it needs to change.

2. Spending money is all about choices and priorities. Whatever happens, generally over the lifetime you will spend the same amount of money that comes in.
Some people buy things on credit which means they pay interest. These people, therefore, have less money to spend on stuff. Just stop and read that back again because it is slightly counter-intuitive. People who buy things on credit over the long run buy less stuff than people who save up for it. Is he happy being one of those people who buys less stuff, or would he rather change the way he does things and buy more stuff? Up to him.
If he is spending money on a car, that is money that he can't spend on anything else. By spending money on a car, he is choosing that car over stuff he could do with you. Is that ok with him? Is that ok with you? If not, it needs to change.

[Obviously there is a third point in that it doesn't look like he can afford this car. But he's not going to accept that, so I would concentrate on the priorities angle if I were you.]

tayforth

choir-girl wrote: »

We do have separate bank accounts and I made sure that the main credit card is in his name. I think if I cut up the card he would probably explode.

His reasoning for having a new car is that he's a nice person, he dosn't interfere with small children, dosnt' get drunk or beat people up so why shouldn't he have a nice car. It really is so difficult to make him see reason. He's one of those people that once he starts talking (usually about himself) he can talk for hours!

When I get home I'm going to check in the mirror and see if it says MUG on my forehead!!:rotfl:

Good. Just tell him that you're not going to be paying a SINGLE PENNY towards his credit card any more. And that's that.

As for the local car dealer, if he is using a third party e.g. a bank to provide the credit for your husband's cars, isn't he committing fraud or similar if he doesn't verify your husband's income?