Am I being unresonable?

System

If he's in the building industry the lads look at the car someone owns as some sort of status. Ive gone through this myself with my husband who has bought more cars than I can count in the 10 years he's been in the industry. The only reason he hasn't changed the car we have now is because he doesn't know what to have next. I'd like to think he's seen sense now he has almost finished paying off his loan but i'm not sure.

tayforth

Is all your money currently in joint accounts? Is your salary paid into that account?

If so, I'd contact payroll and get my salary paid into an account in my name only. Tell him that you're doing it, so that he can do the same if he wishes. What he doesn't have access to, he can't spend!

Then sit down and talk through your finances. He has one expensive hobby - golf. He can't afford the cars! Tell him that you're willing to spend money on things that will benefit you both, but you're done with the cars.

And start spending a little on yourself as well! Why shouldn't you?

I agree with vanessav - he sounds like an addict, constantly chasing his next 'fix'. He'll never be satisfied. The only way to deal with it is to cut off his supply of cash to pay for it all.

No way would I put up with this.

tesuhoha

If he's over 60, isn't he entitled to free chiropody?

MrsE_2

choir-girl wrote: »

The loan will cost him £548 a month, he's already paying £345 fo the current vehicle so is his eyes it's only £200 a month!

Apparently you can't get golf clubs on the back seat they have to go in the boot. He stopped going to the chiropodist as it was too expensive, £35 every 6 weeks.

I know I should spend more on myself, but theres never much left at the end of the month, golf isn't cheap, and as he is high profile at his club so has to play in lot's of matches which all cost money!

Why don't you split the household bills 50:50 & each do what you want wiith the remainder.
I doubt he will live the high life paying his full share of the bills.
If you do regular savings, he must match you.

sassyblue

choir-girl wrote: »

The loan will cost him £548 a month, he's already paying £345 fo the current vehicle so is his eyes it's only £200 a month!

Apparently you can't get golf clubs on the back seat they have to go in the boot. He stopped going to the chiropodist as it was too expensive, £35 every 6 weeks.

I know I should spend more on myself, but theres never much left at the end of the month, golf isn't cheap, and as he is high profile at his club so has to play in lot's of matches which all cost money!

Cheeky git!! He's on a good thing isn't he, spending your money AND money neither of you have?

Georgiegirl256

vanessav wrote: »

If your OH had 'several nice cars' in 10 years and his current car is 2.5years old, then he has a car obsession and won't keep this car! He may believe that this latest love is 'the one' - but it won't be. Then he will spend lots more money you can't afford changing it. You could try appealing to his need for variety and point out that he will lose far less money on depreciation with a good used car and will be able to satisfy his future need for change etc. He may get frustrated with an automatic, especially if he gets his foot sorted. I cannot conceive of anyone spending £24k - unless they are completely awash with money. Even then....

This is very true, my friends Dad changes his cars every year or so, sometimes even a couple of times a year! :eek: Its definetly an obsession, he's been like this for at least the 20 years I've known him! He is also changing my friends car for her all the time too, and they've both got personalised number plates as well, that's how I know they've got another new car when I see them driving down the street :rotfl:

podperson

So last year he earnt 17k while you earnt 24k but he can go spend his money on golf and new cars while you never seem to have anything left after the bills? Sounds like a rather unfair distribution is going on somewhere!

If he claims he can spend 'his' money on what he likes that I would run with that. Tell him that since he obviously sees it as his and your money rather than a joint pot then you will now be splitting the bills equally and both paying half of them and he can then spend 'his' leftover money on what he likes and you can do the same with yours. Then sit back and enjoy your piles of extra spare cash and see how long his golf membership lasts!

choir-girl

He has admitted that he is obsessed with cars and when he bought the last car I told him that it has to stop and that this car would be kept until it was paid for, and at that stage we would decide whether or not we needed two cars.

It's difficult to cut off his cash supply as he has a credit card although he cannot access the bank account as he doesn't have a bank card.

I have always handled the finances in our relationship, it soemthing he has never done, his father was the same and his brother, but they all like to spend money.

My money is kept seperately, although I pay the bills and etc and he pays the credit card, although for the last few months I have paid everything as he wasn't working. He has work at the moment and some of it is well paid, but it could easily dry up by the end of the summer and most winters he has a period of several weeks of no work and this tends to get longer every year.

choir-girl

podperson wrote: »

So last year he earnt 17k while you earnt 24k but he can go spend his money on golf and new cars while you never seem to have anything left after the bills? Sounds like a rather unfair distribution is going on somewhere!

If he claims he can spend 'his' money on what he likes that I would run with that. Tell him that since he obviously sees it as his and your money rather than a joint pot then you will now be splitting the bills equally and both paying half of them and he can then spend 'his' leftover money on what he likes and you can do the same with yours. Then sit back and enjoy your piles of extra spare cash and see how long his golf membership lasts!

The thing is if there is no money left in his account to pay the credit card then I end up paying it, as I don't want to end up with credit-card debt. We were in this situation about 20 years ago and it took us years to pay it off and I vowed then that we would never have credit card debt again!

I know he feels bad about it sometimes, because he comments that I cut coupons out of the paper to save money when if he wants something he just hands over the credit card and buys it.

We have managed to decrease our credit card bill, when he had no work I told him that only necessities go on the card i.e. food and petrol, although I know he buys the odd packet of cigars on it, suddenly our credit card bill has gone down by £400 a month! Which I suppose he thinks is where the car money is coming from!

tayforth

He pays the credit card? Well, that's big of him, since it sounds like he spends it on himself.

You could keep paying the household bills but refuse to pay for anything else. That's what I would do.

He sounds like he's just abdicated responsibility for the finances, and expects you to subsidise him, but HIS money is his own. Not fair on you. Not fair at all.