Son been naughty at his Dads house

BitterAndTwisted

plane_boy2000 wrote: »

I think some of these comments are a little hard on dad.

Well, I don't.

You don't know his schedule / pressures, and that 5 minute shower may have been taken then for a reason.

Who cares? He could have taken his precious shower immediately after 7pm when the child was collected.

All kids are different, but IMO they know right from wrong by the time they are 6, however, I also doubt he will be able to articulate why he did it. Hopefully by saturday dad will have calmed down and they can work it out

SOME might know "right from wrong" but children of that age can't be expected to know the consequences of their every action every single time.

If the child is to be punished, it should have been at the time, not dragged out until the weekend. That would be ineffective and very unkind.

The child's father sound like another child, not a responsible adult.

iammumtoone

Thank you for your replies everyone. You have the same thoughts as me why was a screwdriver left on the table and why did he have a shower when my son was only there for 2 hours (he could easily have a shower when I picked him up).

I just wondered as there is a lot of bad feeling between us if it was me blaming him when I shouldn't have been.

Like others have said hopefully by Saturday he will have calmed down and be more reasonable.

glitter_fairy

A 6 year old should be able to be left while a parent is showing with out ruining furniture. I too would be unhappy. But shouting at a child down the phone is not the way to deal with it all all. In fact shouting at anyone is never conductive. If I was in your situation I would have a nice calm chat with your son at what you feel would be a good time.

iammumtoone

BitterAndTwisted wrote: »

If the child is to be punished, it should have been at the time, not dragged out until the weekend. That would be ineffective and very unkind.

I totally agree with the above but not sure how to tackle it. My ex did not notice until my son had got home and he will not see him again until Saturday.

MarilynMonroe_2

Well to me it sounds like he's expecting adult behaviour from a child and doesnt quite grasp how children are and how you have to avoid situations most of the time ie: make sure he couldnt get a screwdriver in the firs tplace which he could have hurt himself with while left unsupervised, never mind a table!
If I were you I would completely turn it round on your ex.
2 hours and he has to have a shower for part of his contact time? He left him unspupervised with a potential deadly weapon* ...
*I may be putting on thick lol but I think he's going ott over it.

BitterAndTwisted

Children of that age do stuff "to see what it might do", and really don't always anticipate the consequences. I know this because I did something equally as destructive at about the same age. Anticipating the thrashing was the worst part. The actual thrashing wasn't so bad in retrospect.

OP: In your position I'd be laying it on as thick as poss about how unfortunate it was that he chose to leave temptation in the child's reach.

pigpen

Aaaahh....

What the hell was he doing leaving a 5 year old unattended with a screwdriver in reach??? .. nearly 6 is not 6!!(not that it makes much difference)

Is he a moron???

Why did he need a shower when he was only seeing his son for 2 hours? Surely something as unimportant as a shower could wait until oooohhh.. 7:30 when DS is back with you??

Is it possible this is the way he treats/speaks to his son regularly?

This could be the reason for his inability to sleep properly.. If his thoughts are focused on his dads yelling and threatening and 'do as I say or I won't see you any more' ... what is that going to do to the mental state of a 5 year old child???

I think you need to sort out what is going on between father and son and look at the broader picture rather than this issue and the other issue.. it may well all be one in the same!

Oooh and at not much younger I stabbed a pencil into my grandmothers newly reupholstered armchair.... boy did I get what for!!!

iammumtoone

pigpen wrote: »

Aaaahh....

What the hell was he doing leaving a 5 year old unattended with a screwdriver in reach??? .. nearly 6 is not 6!!(not that it makes much difference)

Is he a moron???

Why did he need a shower when he was only seeing his son for 2 hours? Surely something as unimportant as a shower could wait until oooohhh.. 7:30 when DS is back with you??

Is it possible this is the way he treats/speaks to his son regularly?

This could be the reason for his inability to sleep properly.. If his thoughts are focused on his dads yelling and threatening and 'do as I say or I won't see you any more' ... what is that going to do to the mental state of a 5 year old child???

I think you need to sort out what is going on between father and son and look at the broader picture rather than this issue and the other issue.. it may well all be one in the same!

Oooh and at not much younger I stabbed a pencil into my grandmothers newly reupholstered armchair.... boy did I get what for!!!

Thanks for your input, there is not much I can do about his fathers behavior. To be fair I don't think this is a regular occurrence with our son (me yes but not our son). I am sure my son would tell me if there was a problem, he normally chats happily about what he has been doing however after this I will make a point of casually asking if his dad was kind to him during the time together. Also this is not a new thing hes never slept even when his father was living here and things were good he was still the same.

princesstippytoes

pigpen wrote: »

Aaaahh....

What the hell was he doing leaving a 5 year old unattended with a screwdriver in reach??? .. nearly 6 is not 6!!(not that it makes much difference)

Is he a moron???

Did you not leave two toddlers unattended in a kitchen of all places and even provided photographs of the damage as if you thought it was funny.

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/comment/61467383#Comment_61467383

People in glass houses shoudnt throw stones.

viscachaz

Having asked someone else to watch them and them having nothing more than cereal boxes is a little different to leaving them in reach of a potentially sharp screwdriver while you, the only supervisor in the house, goes for a shower..