Son been naughty at his Dads house

iammumtoone

My son sees his Dad on Wednesdays from 5-7.

I had a phone call from my ex after I had picked son up, he was going mad demanding to speak to our son (who's nearly 6) I asked what the problem was and he explained that our son has stabbed his wooden table with a screwdriver and he wanted to know why. Apparently he was in the shower at the time. My son wouldn't speak with him, this is not unusual he doesn't speak on the phone, never has done. I explained that he would have to sort it out on Saturday when he sees him next, I got alot of abuse that it was my fault I wasn't bringing him up correctly and he never did anything like that (he did!). And if he vandalised his house again he wouldn't be able to go round any more.

I don't know what to do about this situation I know my son has been naughty he has never done anything like that at home (buts that not to say he definetly wouldn't, I know kids do sometimes do things like this). His father is expecting a reason but a 6 I am not sure if he knows why he did it?

CH27

Why did he leave a child of 6 alone with a screwdriver while he had a shower?

hubbabubba71

Tell Dad that if he only has son for a 2 hour window he shouldn't be spending some of that precious time in the shower.

mrcow

Kids fiddle with things.

The trick is to supervise them appropriately (i.e. not leaving them with sharp objects) and stuff like this won't happen.

You can't blame a 6 year old for something which is his father's fault.

minimoneysaver

I agree with the above two posters. Questions need to be asked. Shocking that he left the six year old unattended & used his precious two hours with his son for his personal care. Not quite the doting dad.

JanCee

minimoneysaver wrote: »

I agree with the above two posters. Questions need to be asked. Shocking that he left the six year old unattended & used his precious two hours with his son for his personal care. Not quite the doting dad.

^^^

seconded.

simbasheen

I would be furious if I were you with your ex, what would have happened if your son fell over with a screwdriver in his hand, it doesn't bare thinking of the possible consequences :eek:

marisco_2

OP your ex sounds like a selfish individual who has anger management problems and very distorted logic. He gets to spend precious time with his son for a couple of hours midweek. Instead of being a good selfless dad by putting his son's needs first and going out of his way to make this contact enjoyable and fun for him, he decides this is the time to leave a six year old child unsupervised with a screwdriver, to go off and have a shower. What a total fool he is!

It is not good obviously that your son decided to play in a way that damaged his dads furniture, though I doubt that this was his intention at all. Children's imaginations mean they get carried away with games and role play and occasionally have accidents. Most parents can appreciate this and make sure they give a child age appropriate items to play with, that most importantly wont harm the child or cause damage to anything else.

For your ex to think it appropriate to phone you, go mad and demand that a 6 year old gives an explanation for their actions is appalling. That is not the best way for him to handle this situation at all. He sounds like a verbal bully who thinks nothing of deflecting his own failings onto you, by getting abusive and claiming that it is your parenting skills at fault here. Some personal reflection is well overdue on his part by the sounds of it. Has it occurred to him that your son refused to speak to his dad because he is scared of him?

What type of parent accuses their young child of vandalism and threatens that they wont be welcome at their home if it happens again. What a terribly dismissive and uncaring approach he has to his son.

plane_boy2000

I think some of these comments are a little hard on dad. You don't know his schedule / pressures, and that 5 minute shower may have been taken then for a reason.

All kids are different, but IMO they know right from wrong by the time they are 6, however, I also doubt he will be able to articulate why he did it. Hopefully by saturday dad will have calmed down and they can work it out

valk_scot

Screwdriver + piece of wood = playing being Bob the Builder. Blindingly obvious, really. More fool Dad to leave him alone and unsupervised where there are tools about. And that's only from the point of view of the table...my mother told the tale of her new walnut wardrobe, a pair of nail scissors and my four year old self for five decades.....

Plus of course your ex should no way be off for a shower leaving a five year old in a relatively unfamiliar environment that by the sound of it isn't childproofed. And what about spending time with his son? He can shower another time. Actually it sounds like he's making up excuses not to see the wee lad on Saturday....and if that's the sort of environment he's leaving the lad alone in, I'm not sure I'd be that unhappy about that. I'd have done my nut at my own OH if I'd come home from a shopping trip and OH started complaining about damage done with a sharp tool while he (OH) left our son unsupervised....

dancingfairy

If he had noticed at the time then I would hope that you had fairly similar attitudes to parenting and that he could discipline him appropriately at the time.
The problem is, now that time has passed and he might not even remember doing it, let alone associate a punishment now with the action that caused it.
Your ex does sound a bit of an idiot though to be honest.
Hopefully your ex will over it and be a bit more attentive in future.

df