Men not helping at get togethers...

Spendless

FIL has held only one baby under the age of 3 months and that's one of mine (and I'm not sure which one). Considering he has 2 kids of his own and an older grandchild and numerous neices and nephews it's not just at hosting parties blokes don't always help. My Dad used to be similarly as bad but my Mum gets on at him more than my MIL does her husband.

My son moans and groans far more than my daughter about any chores and I do wonder if this is the case in other families and why thinks often turn out like you describe as people think it's easier to ask the person who will moan the least.

ilikewatch

Well, this certainly isn't the case amongst my family/friends... I was up until midnight the night before my wedding making and icing 150 cup cakes, and at the reception venue at 7am on the morning of my wedding inflating helium balloons and decorating tables whilst my fiancee and her "entourage" we're getting hair and makeup done.

When it comes to bbq's I do tend to do the cooking, but then I also make all the burgers and sausages from scratch whilst my wife slices the bread rolls and puts some salad in a bowl...

Tropez

At the last BBQ we organised I did everything. I did the shopping, prepared all the food, prepared the outside seating, cooked all the food, did all the cleaning up... I even lugged all the crates of beer from my car into the back garden and put them in the cooler because my partner was busy making herself beautiful (as she put it, don't understand it myself, she already is beautiful... but whatever...).

Oh, I do tell a fib... my partner put herself in charge of the music but she always puts herself in charge of the music. She has this strange idea that Iron Maiden and Megadeth are not appropriate choices for relaxing afternoons.

Anyway, don't mind it myself. It really isn't that much work if there's a bit of organisational effort and we have a number of inquisitive dogs so while she's in the house making herself pretty she can also keep the dogs occupied so they're not getting under my feet or assuming large amounts of meat are going to be thrown to them.

Sometimes it is easier if one person deals with the majority, I feel.

I find it more odd that guests are expected to chip in at some people's get togethers. In my mind, they're guests and I invited them to relax and have fun. They're not here for an easy source of labour.

adonis

ostrichnomore wrote: »

Yeah, it's always one of the men who wants to cook on the BBQ because it's fun.

But who did the shopping, who prepared all the salads/got the bread out/put everything on the table/goes round with a bin bag to collect the rubbish blah blah blah. That's the main part of the work, not turning a sausage over now and then.

No it is a highly skilled job cooking on the BBQ without burning everything and of course the copious amount of beer consumed is only to replace the fluids lost from the intense heat.;)

LannieDuck

Doesn't bloomin' well happen in my house. But I've definitely spotted it when we visit the ILs.

My MIL will do all the cooking/serving (to be fair, FIL does help with some of this as the host), and my SIL and I will both jump up to help with the clearing away whilst my OH and BIL sit and chat.

I don't feel I can really question it because it's his side of the family and none of them seem to mind. Always bugs me tho.

aileth

At our house, I do all of the cooking and OH does all of the cleaning pre and post food. It works for me and means at least one of us is able to 'entertain' at all times, aka my OH while I'm cooking, and then when food has been served I take over and he goes to wash up.

Treevo

ostrichnomore wrote: »

Yeah, it's always one of the men who wants to cook on the BBQ because it's fun.

But who did the shopping, who prepared all the salads/got the bread out/put everything on the table/goes round with a bin bag to collect the rubbish blah blah blah. That's the main part of the work, not turning a sausage over now and then.

The men. They do everything in this house.

maman

It certainly doesn't happen here! When we have guests I do the cooking and shopping but DH does all the drinks, clearing up etc. We consider it a fair division of labour. If people stay he does breakfast too.That's the way we live day to day.

I do think it's partly a generational thing from when men worked and women stayed at home so it was their 'job' do all domestic duties except maybe some heavy stuff. What I have noticed is that my DD2 (who chooses to be a SAHM) also waits hand and foot on SIL. It's as if she thinks he deserves to come home and do s*d all (except clean the car, some DIY and attend to some bills) because he works. I find it weird that young people can live like that but then I find it odd that she wants to stay at home 'playing house' rather than out in the real world using her brain.

Pixiechic

I picked up on that too, that the 'Mothers and sisters' help out.

My OH is pretty hands on. He wouldn't think to write or organise a shopping list but that's my job. Which is fine because I love going food shopping . OH is a fab dishwasher though.

My OH likes to 'man' the BBQ until he gets distracted with the music! He runs about getting people drinks and everyone else sort of mills about ferrying things in and out.

I find men just as useful as women when it comes to 'helping'. I know where to find the men, all huddled around the BBQ, beer in hand, conferring on good BBQ management

ostrichnomore_2

*ducks* after last post in anticipation of horde of spitting SAHMs ;-).