Is my boss bullying me??

wheezy57

Oh dear. You are desperate for a 'hearing' but there is noone listening.

I would get the name, number and rank of the person who is above this overworked, outofherdepth 'manager' and tell ALL. Dates, times - the lot.
I suspect that this person will have had an inkling as to what is going on. But, it doesnt need to be brought to his/her attention in a formal way. Not a chat over a coffee way. That doesnt mean anything.

Why do you think you may lose your job over this. You have been employed out of alot of others I guess and your work is being overshadowed by this out of control woman/man. You are beginning to not be able to do your job that you are employed to do. And reasonably well paid as well. Im on £7 per hour so that should put that one into perspective. But I digress.

Her/his behaviour needs to be addressed and pretty dam quickly too. Why on earth do you feel that you have done anything wrong. This is where the bully gets right under your skin. It all gets twisted and distorted.

If her/his boss is sooooo senior that you feel you cant 'reach' her/him then try first with her secretary. Try to ascertain through the power of investigativeness where you can go. You might just find a little pocket of hope just up the corridor.

Dont forget there is ALWAYS someone ABOVE!! There will be boards of Governors, there will be heads of departments, there will be heads of HR.

Be strong here and dont lose sight of the fact the you really NEED this job more than anything. Why should she be the one to ruin your family. Let her ruin her own. Ive just realised that I am assuming she is a she as my bully is a she.

Let me know how you get on tomorrow. As you know Im off but will be thinking of you and Pickle and everybody else who is being bullied to within an inch of their lives.....

wheezy57

SuzyZ if your reading this I will answer your PM shortly. I havent forgotten. Just got a bit tangled up in stuff that needs to be untangled..

Wheezy.

Coraline

wheezy57 wrote: »

Oh dear. You are desperate for a 'hearing' but there is noone listening.

I would get the name, number and rank of the person who is above this overworked, outofherdepth 'manager' and tell ALL. Dates, times - the lot.

I know exactly who the person (let's just call this person Sam as that's a gender neutral name, sammy samantha etc.) reports to. The trick is to approach, I think you're right maybe get in touch with the Higher Level org's HR department too.

wheezy57 wrote: »

I suspect that this person will have had an inkling as to what is going on. But, it doesnt need to be brought to his/her attention in a formal way.

Quite possibly..."Sam" is starting to develop a reputation in our office and the word is getting around, I'm not the only one getting this sh!te. Sam's boss is big executive that has zero contact with us underlings, and our team is very far removed from there.

But the thing is now complaints are growing about Sam's behaviour and people are noticing and talking. If were to go straight to the top and speak to Sam's boss, it would start an EPIC crapstorm that I can't even imagine! So it would have to be HR, but reading through a lot of threads I hear that NHS HR tend to not be the that helpful. I don' know because I'm so green to all of this.

I have to get my head straight and think this out--I think having an informal meeting with Sam and clearly explaining in a very calm manner that the way I was treated Friday absolutely humuliated me, made me feel worthless, and embarrassed to be shouted at in front of colleagues. My gut tells me that I have to play this soft at first--and if it continues then take it a level higher.

wheezy57 wrote: »

Why do you think you may lose your job over this. You have been employed out of alot of others I guess and your work is being overshadowed by this out of control woman/man. You are beginning to not be able to do your job that you are employed to do. And reasonably well paid as well. Im on £7 per hour so that should put that one into perspective. But I digress.

I get a good wage on paper....but when you factor in 60-70 hour weeks it works out to be about £5 an hour . The good news is that we have a new hire starting Tuesday which will unload one aspect of my job(s), and all of another aspect of my job(s) will be shifted to someone else entirely. So my workload will drop to what it should be...sort of. I'll still be doing the job of 2 people but at least there will be focus and not madness reporting to three different people and pulled in all directions at once.

wheezy57 wrote: »

Her/his behaviour needs to be addressed and pretty dam quickly too. Why on earth do you feel that you have done anything wrong. This is where the bully gets right under your skin. It all gets twisted and distorted.

You're absolutely right! I don't know why, but you nailed it on the head. I need to "woman up!" and grow a pair. (No actually I don't want a pair that would be really odd!)

But I know what you mean, everything in your head gets mashed and you feel like no matter you do it's wrong, and you start dread making any decisions.

wheezy57 wrote: »

If her/his boss is sooooo senior that you feel you cant 'reach' her/him then try first with her secretary. Try to ascertain through the power of investigativeness where you can go. You might just find a little pocket of hope just up the corridor.

Dont forget there is ALWAYS someone ABOVE!! There will be boards of Governors, there will be heads of departments, there will be heads of HR.

Absolutely--if this situation continues (Sam will be out of the office until Wednesday at meetings) after this week I'll have to think of game plan and find the right person to approach. The politics and back-stabbing, cliques, etc. are unbelievable, it's like that American TV show "Survivor." but with sociopaths. There are only 2 people I work with that I know I can absolutely trust with everything. Part of this "game" is figuring out who wouldn't screw me about. If I'm sounding paranoid, it's because I'm starting to get paranoid...

It's the kind of culture where Sam is obsessed with another director and doing anything she can to undermine him and make him look stupid.

wheezy57 wrote: »

Be strong here and dont lose sight of the fact the you really NEED this job more than anything. Why should she be the one to ruin your family. Let her ruin her own. Ive just realised that I am assuming she is a she as my bully is a she.

:T:beer::T

wheezy57 wrote: »

Let me know how you get on tomorrow. As you know Im off but will be thinking of you and Pickle and everybody else who is being bullied to within an inch of their lives.....

I guess I won't be able to report more until Wednesday so I'll depart for a while...thanks again for the support and advice. Best and Kind wishes to you all

wheezy57

At least you sound a lot more positive!! Good for you. What I would advise is that you musnt trust anyone - I mean it - just trust your own instincts. The girls in your office may talk the talk but they may just ( I could be wrong here) melt when under the lamplight. People like to sit on a fence and watch the spectacle.

You dont sound paranoid. You sound as though you have just had enough of this woman and frankly shes got to go. She goes or she will try tomake you go. Hold on tight. Its going to be a bumpy ride. And do not under any circumstances leave or even mention the word. Also I have thought of something else. If word is getting around that she is being an colossal b&tch then someone may actually do the do for you!! You are not the peoples champion and Ive learnt that one the hard way. Self preservation at all costs!!
This job which means so much shouldnt be snatched away at the whims of a complete tyrant. Good word that. Tyrant!!.

She has a battle going on with this other guy (am I reading correctly) and you my friend are right in the firing line. You got it both barrels. But what she doesnt know is that you have got the measure of her.

Im proud of you! Go girl go!!

Love Wheezy x x



Im glad however that you are getting some sort of support in the workload area. That will soften the tension. I bet you are enjoying today with that bad smell away from the office!!

Coraline

Thanks wheezy.

I was out of the office yesterday for some training but came in today to find one of the junior assistants in an utter state--she became sick in the loo and went home from stress.

The word is getting around big time, as 2 people overheard the tirade on Friday and now are sharing similar stories (six people so far). I'm staying out of the gossip but it's all starting to fit together as all of us new colleagues have been together--this person has a bad reputation.

My colleague whom I sit with almost had a breakdown today and had to leave the office to wander the corridors of ASDA.

Thank you for your kind words wheezy, love you too!

Not sure what's going to happen tomorrow, she's called for of into a one hour meeting. I won't be able to air my grievances in front of everybody, but I'm getting all of my ducks in a row.

I have to add that I have a pre-existing (mild) mental health condition and that this whole experience has finally driven me back into mental health help after a decade of being totally stable. I have declared this condition as part of pre-employment screening and it's in my personnel file.

Thinking in terms of a chess game, I am thinking of getting my story on official record with the psychiatrist (NHS, not private). Just trying to think 2 or 3 moves ahead and no matter what--NEVER be the one who loses compusure and gets angry in the office.

wheezy57

Well, its like squeezing a bad boil. I dont think you are going to have to do anything here. I think she has cooked her own goose, dug her own grave and as its now common knowledge that she is losing control, her 'seniors' will certainly know.

However, keep your head down and keep your wits at the ready. I know that my boss/s are under extreme pressure BUT it doesnt give them the 'power' to berate, scream, yell and stare at you in your personal space. NO WAY. In fact when my boss called me stupid he thought he was just trying to lighten a mood and to make me feel welcome on the new department. He thought his humour would pave the way to wonderful working relationships. WRONG.

I can swear like a trouper, joke around and have fun at work but calling people names is never acceptable.

My boss also doesnt get that on his scale (Band 9 and rising) he can afford to keep horses, four children and a flash car so why cant I on bottom Band 2. Why do I have to pick mould out of my bread, why do I have to call in sick sometimes as I havent the petrol money for the car to get to bloody work.
The list goes on. I think it could be small man syndrome. However he has the power to get me gone. I still have to toe the line.

Whilst I am on this enforced sick leave (enforced becasue I didnt choose to be off - they, the system made me take it off as I was a mental wreck due to their incompetence and inability to reign in a bully) and the pills are taking their time in working, I am going to leave but not until I have another job. Who the hell is going to give a 60yr old with a bad sickness record any kind of job. So I am at their mercy.

Enough of me!! Let me know how you get on with the 1 hour meeting today. I bet its all about her and what shes going through. Betcha!!

Keep in touch..

Wheezy x

Coraline

Hi Wheezy, I'll PM you...I'm starting to feel embarrassed that I hijacked this thread!

wheezy57

Coraline Ive PMd you back but in three parts because of the restrictions. You havent hijacked the thread at all - I am worried about inapickle though. Hope shes OK.

Take care

Wheezy x

inapickle9

Hi guys,

Sorry I haven't been on he for a while. My heads been up my backside, worrying about all this still. It seems to have been going on forever....having nightmares about it all and waking up in a panic thinking its the day of the grievance meeting all the time, it's becoming normal.
So my grievance meeting is on Thursday, the union representative will be attending with me, he is going to tell them that I won't be going back and he will be asking them for a settlement offer which makes me cringe really. However I do need to cover my losses as they didn't even pay me SSP, I got £96 to last me 5 weeks as they said they needed my original copies of sick notes (I had been scanning them over). They have been ignoring my requests to review my pay due to the circumstances and they eventually replied after the union rep emailed to chase it up stating they would address this in the grievance meeting.
I'm absolutely terrified about this meeting on Thursday, I've been so stressed out and upset with it all, I honestly don't know how I'm going to hold it together when I'm telling them how I've felt about it all. Also I'm worried about the union rep asking for a settlement of 1 years salary. He says this is a standard amount to ask for after everything I've been through, I mean it will obviously cover my losses and help me out until I find a new job but I think they will just laugh when they ask him for that amount.

Does anyone have any thoughts on this?

I'm so anxious about having to discuss it all over again and even walk into my workplace and tell them I'm leaving etc.

Just want it to all be over..

Coraline

I'm so sorry inapickle but I don't know what to say, I've never been in a union before or had a grievance meeting before.

In the past month the word about the bullying got around and another senior executive actually listened to my concerns and told the person involved that "enough was enough." As of last week they've taken off one of my jobs from my workload and let me focus on what I was hired to do.

Does anybody else out there have advice for inapickle? I'm not from here and the grievance procedure is a bit foreign to me (no pun intended).

I was too scared to bring up anything to HR the higher ups out of fear of losing my job. Kudos to you for taking the step!