Is my boss bullying me??

inapickle9

Hi all, firstly thanks for reading...I am hoping someone may be able to help me with some advice or just confirm if they think my problem is normal or not....

I have been with my company now for 2 years, I work in business sales out on the road and my job is really stressful, however regardless of the stress/pressure, I do generally enjoy my job but it has become unbearable due to the way my boss treats me. Everyone I speak to such as family and friends says I am been bullied and I should take it further but I'm one of those people who prefers an easy life and hates confrontation. My boss has always been quite harsh/aggressive/unreasonable but I'm getting to the point where I have no motivation, I can't bare to get up in a morning, I'm a constant emotional wreck, panic/anxiety attacks are now pretty normal and i feel intimidated, anxious just by the sound of his voice. I'm generally a very strong confident person and I wouldn't take this from my family or friends, but he makes me feel worthless....I don't even recognise myself anymore. Here are just a few examples of things I have noted down this year that he has done.

We were not targeted/allowed to fetch on new business sales in November/December, he called me to a meeting first few days of January after Xmas hols to discuss how I would make up the shortfall for the business in January target, he said if I couldn't do this I'm not right for the business and it would take him 6 month to manage me out of the company and as things stood my job was at risk, however I finished 150% over target for that month??

- A team meeting, in front of me and another team member, he was on the phone to a colleague, swearing and shouting at him, he hung up and said to us "one of these days , I'm going to !!!!!! him" :eek:

- team meeting, we all do presentations, he said to me in front of the team "i'm going to embarrass you now " and proceeded to confront me about issues he had with me.

- Phone call a few month ago swearing at me saying if I couldn't be compliant with something on the system he would "get f**ckin rid of me (something trivial)

-One to one review (recorded this for my own reflection) - shouting and aggressive towards me, i remained respectful to him and defended myself, as soon as I try to stand up for myself, he has me in tears and tells me I'm arrogant and got an attitude, it is very clear from recording this is not the case.

These are just a few of many things I have kept a diary of. He also set rules for me and different for other people. I feel like I am been mentally abused (without sounding dramatic), its like he rips me to pieces but in the next breath, he says I'm one of the best sales people he's ever had and I have so much potential, he's got so many plans for me etc, then the next week he is awful to me again and making me feel insecure......I don't get it! He even apologised a few weeks ago and said he saw me as a friend but then goes back to been awful.

Anyway the only reason i am writing this is because I don't know what to do next, I've spoke to Acas who weren't so helpful, they advised me to report to HR....this has been done before in the past but nothing got done and this is really not the road I want to go down at all, it will make working life very awkward and I'm really just not strong enough to do this anymore, I'm a wreck!
Every morning I feel like calling in sick but I'm trying so hard not to go down that road.....

Do you think I'm just over reacting or is this not normal??? Just want someones honest opinion who isn't family/friends??

inapickle9

Please note also....when he apologised to me, I told him, I didn't appreciate the way he spoke to me, told him he has a negative effect on me and I am fed of been threatened with my job.......he was careful round me for a few week but he has gone back to been unreasonable. I don't think I can come back from this and I think in the next few days I won't be able to face coming in and I may have to get something for the nerves from the Dr, just so I can sort myself out...........can't believe a job can do this to you.

top_drawer_2

I would say this was bullying in that he has "issues" in dealing with people, "push me, pull me" making you feel insecure re how he will behave next - he's playing games with your head. I think you should leave as HR will likely conclude that its his "management style" and in the meantime he will erode your self-esteem.

In the meantime put up with him to try to preserve a reference from him. Maybe even ask him for advice on how to "advance" yourself :}{ or pursue a new direction.

paulineb_2

Its common but its not normal and yes I think you are being bullied and Im afraid I think you need to consider going down the official grievance route and getting to your GP for some support.

Its not that easy to walk away from a job if you have nothing lined up although I have done it in the past when Ive been suffering badly in jobs.

It wont change until you make a formal complaint. I think its serious bullying, no one should be aggressive and shouting at you in a supervision meeting.

I think you need to speak to HR as soon as possible and if you arent in a union join one because you may need support regarding representation at any future meetings.

No job is worth your health, I found that out the hard way.

Marker_2

inapickle9 wrote: »

We were not targeted/allowed to fetch on new business sales in November/December, he called me to a meeting first few days of January after Xmas hols to discuss how I would make up the shortfall for the business in January target, he said if I couldn't do this I'm not right for the business and it would take him 6 month to manage me out of the company and as things stood my job was at risk, however I finished 150% over target for that month??
Did you get 150% after he said what he said or were you already 150% over your target?

- A team meeting, in front of me and another team member, he was on the phone to a colleague, swearing and shouting at him, he hung up and said to us "one of these days , I'm going to !!!!!! him" :eek:
I don't understand how that can be bullying towards you?

- team meeting, we all do presentations, he said to me in front of the team "i'm going to embarrass you now " and proceeded to confront me about issues he had with me.
What were the issues he had with you?

- Phone call a few month ago swearing at me saying if I couldn't be compliant with something on the system he would "get f**ckin rid of me (something trivial)
Were you not complying to the system?

-One to one review (recorded this for my own reflection) - shouting and aggressive towards me, i remained respectful to him and defended myself, as soon as I try to stand up for myself, he has me in tears and tells me I'm arrogant and got an attitude, it is very clear from recording this is not the case.
Without listening to it its hard to say.

These are just a few of many things I have kept a diary of. He also set rules for me and different for other people. I feel like I am been mentally abused (without sounding dramatic), its like he rips me to pieces but in the next breath, he says I'm one of the best sales people he's ever had and I have so much potential, he's got so many plans for me etc, then the next week he is awful to me again and making me feel insecure......I don't get it! He even apologised a few weeks ago and said he saw me as a friend but then goes back to been awful.
Not knowing your work ethic in the company it is difficult to say why he blows hot and cold. It could be that he feels you need the boot up the !!!! to get the job done. Managing you this way gets the best results? Or he's a jackaxx

Anyway the only reason i am writing this is because I don't know what to do next, I've spoke to Acas who weren't so helpful, they advised me to report to HR....this has been done before in the past but nothing got done and this is really not the road I want to go down at all, it will make working life very awkward and I'm really just not strong enough to do this anymore, I'm a wreck!
Every morning I feel like calling in sick but I'm trying so hard not to go down that road.....

Do you think I'm just over reacting or is this not normal??? Just want someones honest opinion who isn't family/friends??

Sorry for the extra question, but I feel I need them to be able to give a decent reply. One other than report him or your over-reacting.

oldgrumpygit

If you feel you are being bullied then yes you are.

It doesn't actually matter the intent of the person doing the bullying it is the perception of the person on the receiving end.


Not sure why you spoke to ACAS first.

What is your company's policy on bullying?
You should be able to access this without any problems.

Missme

Your boss sounds like a pig. The best thing to do with pigs is to turn them into sausages.

If you're neither inclined to report him formally again nor make mince/sausage meat of him then walk away from him at least. Nothing more frustrating when chucking a wobbly than to have someone leave you to erupt on your own.

That being said, you say - in so many words - that he is making you ill. I can't see a way to ameliorate that without taking formal action or leaving.

Good luck.

Marker_2

oldgrumpygit wrote: »

If you feel you are being bullied then yes you are.

It doesn't actually matter the intent of the person doing the bullying it is the perception of the person on the receiving end.

.

No I don't believe this at all. Not talking about the OP here, but some people are overly sensitive. Just because someone is extra sensitive does not make somebody else a bully.

Takeaway_Addict

oldgrumpygit wrote: »

If you feel you are being bullied then yes you are.

It doesn't actually matter the intent of the person doing the bullying it is the perception of the person on the receiving end.


Not sure why you spoke to ACAS first.

What is your company's policy on bullying?
You should be able to access this without any problems.

Utter rubbish....

Though I do think the OP is being bullied.

MrsPBikerChick

From what you have said this is bullying behaviour, and by the sounds of things you are not the only one who is on the receiving end. In most businesses threatening a colleague, especially one you line manage, with physical violence is considered gross misconduct and can result in instant dismissal. I know that particular comment wasn't aimed at you but it engenders a very hostile working environment.

Oldgrumpygit is spot on - it's not a question of whether he is intentionally bullying you but whether that is the end result from your point of view, which it clearly is.

I appreciate you've said you prefer anything for quiet life, but that isn't what you've got is it? At the moment you're stuck being managed by someone who is having a serious negative effect on your mental health and emotional wellbeing, which will spill over into other areas of your life whether you want it to or not. Ergo you need to do something about it. Your options are basically to either walk away or to make a grievance against him. You've already been keeping a diary of incidents which will assist you when you speak to your company's HR department.

If you do decide to make a complaint, and I really think you should, then perhaps you could speak to a colleague first - is there someone you're quite friendly with who might be able to come with you or support you? You might find that there are actually a number of others in exactly the same position who are equally reluctant to come forward on their own but together you can make a stand against him.

Your HR department would be incredibly foolish to not take your complaint seriously - if they fail to do so they leave the company wide open to the business end of an employment tribunal. If they do nothing and the situation continues or even worsens you could have a case for constructive dismissal as well as harassment (make sure you keep that diary going). To that end I would strongly suggest getting a bit of legal advice as well - from either your union or CAB. A word with your doctor regarding the level of stress you're suffering would also be a good idea.

Don't be under any illusion, inapickle9, this is not right and you should not have to put up with it! *hugs*


To those who think what oldgrumpygit said is incorrect, I strongly suggest you read some ACAS's material on bullying. He's absolutely right.

oldgrumpygit

If you perceive you are being bullied then you are.

The person may have no intention to bully you or even understand the consequence of their actions that make you feel bullied.

"Bullying and harassment is behaviour that makes someone feel intimidated or offended"

From the ACAS website.