Is my boss bullying me??

dktreesea

OP, your boss sounds like the corporate version of a psychopath. Just because they don't physically kill anyone doesn't mean they don't have a full saet of traits.

If you don't feel up to doing anything about it, my advice is to look around for another job. If you are prepared to take him on, then start recording every single instance of what he does to you and go through proper channels. You have already spoken to him directly about his behaviour. Next step is HR. But a word of warning - if you go down this road, it could get worse before it gets better.

Missme

oldgrumpygit wrote: »

I am sure it is, do you think that is what the OP is doing?

Don't be obtuse. It's tiresome.

ValHaller

Takeaway_Addict wrote: »

No but I would suspect alot of the claims of bullying come from when pressure is put on someone to do their job properly

And I suspect that more than a trivial number of claims of bullying arise when an employee demonstrates more than ample ability to do the job to an extent which the boss finds threatening

inapickle9

Thank you everyone for your replies.

Please let me assure you, I haven't been over sensitive with the situation previously but I do believe this past few month I have been a lot weaker and have ally struggled to cope with his behaviour. He's been like this from day one and I am certainly not the only one, there has been several people who have apparently been bullied out of a job previously, this is common knowledge however this is before I started with the company so I cannot jump to conclusions as there may have been many factors. I have heard that previously people have left the company and expressed their reasons for leaving after and he has been put on a people management course. I don't think he feels threatened by me, however I think he gets a huge buzz from expressing power and authority, he is very passionate about making money and very greedy so out of desperation he feels that threatening me with my job, shouting and intimidating me will make me work harder and earn him more money. I can't work like this, it just doesn't feel right.
I know at least 90% of the team would agree that his behaviour is not acceptable but they all earn a lot of money and he has been with the company 25 years so I think they would just rather keep quiet and crack on with earning a lot of money.
Someone said to me a few weeks ago when they saw I was upset that be is a bully and it's about time someone stood up to him (this was someone in high management but not linked to him in a working environment who has previously witnessed him force a previous employee to leave).

A few of you have mentioned me looking for alternative employment, I have an interview next week and the company seems like a good company.....however my concerns are..

Am I just jumping ship because I'm desperate to stop feeling like this and what if I choose the wrong company?
I'm due a very big bonus in September which will put a huge chunk towards a deposit for a house and I've been working hard to get it, I know money is not everything but I've worked so hard for it.
If I can't take anymore and I go on the sick, my references for a new employer are going to look very poor when they see I have had recent sickness, I certainly can't be honest about the reason for may sickness, a new employer could see me as a potential pain in the backside or a risk?

I can't even get my head into preparing my presentation for the interview because I'm a mess. This is not me and yes I have become weak and a little more sensitive, but by that I mean , I used to be able to cope with the threats and comments and aggressive attitude but now I can't. I have a review in a few days and I don't think I can face it after the last one, a team meeting in a few week which I know he will humiliate me at any given opportunity.
My performance has suffered over the last month because of this even though I will exceed my target this month, my heads all over, I can't focus and I'm struggling to be consistent.

I know many of you say to report to HR but this is a huge corporate company I'm talking about, I've never met anyone from HR before, they are based at head office so they are just a phone number really. Also after the stories of him been reported previously and nothing gets done I don't think I could do it. Not only that, I feel it's gone too far for me personally, my mental health has finally been effected, I have lost respect and confidence in my boss and I know I can't come back from this and proceed to work with him, the damage has been done.
I think he is aware he crosses the line with people but he is the top performer in the country, all through the hard work and results of his team so I think this another reason his managing skills are over looked and people turn a blind eye. He is not at all intelligent , don't want to be disrespectful but he has 100% been successful because his success is based on his teams performance.

Sorry to ramble on......so it looks like the better option maybe just to jump ship ASAP?

inapickle9

Marker wrote: »

Sorry for the extra question, but I feel I need them to be able to give a decent reply. One other than report him or your over-reacting.

Hi marker please find below



Quote:
Originally Posted by inapickle9
We were not targeted/allowed to fetch on new business sales in November/December, he called me to a meeting first few days of January after Xmas hols to discuss how I would make up the shortfall for the business in January target, he said if I couldn't do this I'm not right for the business and it would take him 6 month to manage me out of the company and as things stood my job was at risk, however I finished 150% over target for that month??

Did you get 150% after he said what he said or were you already 150% over your target?
I forecasted this and achieved it

- A team meeting, in front of me and another team member, he was on the phone to a colleague, swearing and shouting at him, he hung up and said to us "one of these days , I'm going to !!!!!! him"
I don't understand how that can be bullying towards you?
Sorry not directly towards me but just an example of his intimidating behaviour and not a comfortable working environment.

- team meeting, we all do presentations, he said to me in front of the team "i'm going to embarrass you now " and proceeded to confront me about issues he had with me.
What were the issues he had with you?
He said he was unhappy that I'd not put something on the system (something very trivial, anything to have a go at me for )

- Phone call a few month ago swearing at me saying if I couldn't be compliant with something on the system he would "get f**ckin rid of me (something trivial)
Were you not complying to the system? Something trivial, again looking for things he could have a go at me for

-One to one review (recorded this for my own reflection) - shouting and aggressive towards me, i remained respectful to him and defended myself, as soon as I try to stand up for myself, he has me in tears and tells me I'm arrogant and got an attitude, it is very clear from recording this is not the case.
Without listening to it its hard to say.

A few of my friends have listened, one of my friends cried as she thought it was awful how he behaved and how he upset me, I ended up having to leave the meeting as I couldn't take anymore.


These are just a few of many things I have kept a diary of. He also set rules for me and different for other people. I feel like I am been mentally abused (without sounding dramatic), its like he rips me to pieces but in the next breath, he says I'm one of the best sales people he's ever had and I have so much potential, he's got so many plans for me etc, then the next week he is awful to me again and making me feel insecure......I don't get it! He even apologised a few weeks ago and said he saw me as a friend but then goes back to been awful.
Not knowing your work ethic in the company it is difficult to say why he blows hot and cold. It could be that he feels you need the boot up the !!!! to get the job done. Managing you this way gets the best results? Or he's a jackaxx
It doesn't for me....just has a negative effect on me

Anyway the only reason i am writing this is because I don't know what to do next, I've spoke to Acas who weren't so helpful, they advised me to report to HR....this has been done before in the past but nothing got done and this is really not the road I want to go down at all, it will make working life very awkward and I'm really just not strong enough to do this anymore, I'm a wreck!
Every morning I feel like calling in sick but I'm trying so hard not to go down that road.....

Do you think I'm just over reacting or is this not normal??? Just want someones honest opinion who isn't family/friends??

Goldiegirl

I don't think you are over-reacting.

To my mind, shouting, ranting and intimidating people is not normal or acceptable behaviour, and you do sound as if you are being bullied. What you've said indicates that you are feeling helpless and worthless, which is a typical reaction in someone who feels bullied.

So the question is, what to do about it.

The easy thing would be to look for another job, as it is very difficult to stand up to a bully when he's made you feel worthless.

It sounds as if he's got away with it for years, so maybe it's time he was stopped.

I know you'll feel frightened that you'll make things worse, but maybe you can be the one to stop it.

At your next review, I'd suggest you take a trusted colleague in with you for support. It's easier to bully someone who is alone and vulnerable, so perhaps this will help a bit.

I was wondering if you had a staff association representative or union rep, perhaps speaking to them world be helpful, or an onsite HR person

Otherwise, I think you'll have to approach the HR department. I'm sure that they don't want colleagues feeling beaten down like you clearly do, so they will take you seriously, just document everything clearly and concisely.

I hope this might help a bit

Funky_Bold_Ribena

However, if he is bringing in the money you may find the top bosses are going to side with him no matter what.

You need water tight, documented evidence and you may want to look upon the next few weeks as your evidence gathering mission. Each time an instance occurs, look at your watch, note down everything word for word in your book, and say nothing in response. If asked, say 'I have been advised to document each and every instance of bullying behaviour' and say no more.

inapickle9

Thanks goldiegirl.

There's no hr on site as I'm not really based anywhere, I travel to meet my boss for my review as I'm out on the road most of the time. I don't have a trusted colleague I could take in, it's just not like that. I spend 90% of my time on my own within my job role. I think the option for me to leave will be the best but then I'm now questioning if I'm good enough to do another job.
You did hit the nail on the head though, many people have said it needs someone to stand up to him and stop this happening in the future. My initial thoughts are, I really can't cope with the pressure of it all but maybe if I left or wasn't actually at work to deal with it, I may have the confidence to express my feelings and share my previous experiences.

oldgrumpygit

Missme wrote: »

Don't be obtuse. It's tiresome.

Obtuse? Really.

Do explain who you think has a self serving agenda other than you who seem happy to dismiss the original posters concerns.

inapickle9

Funky_Bold_Ribena wrote: »

However, if he is bringing in the money you may find the top bosses are going to side with him no matter what.

You need water tight, documented evidence and you may want to look upon the next few weeks as your evidence gathering mission. Each time an instance occurs, look at your watch, note down everything word for word in your book, and say nothing in response. If asked, say 'I have been advised to document each and every instance of bullying behaviour' and say no more.

I believe this is what has happened in the past, however I wasn't employed by the company so I can't say for definite. I have also been advised to use as evidence for the next few weeks too, I'm just getting to a point where I can't stand the anxiety of reviews and meetings approaching .