Is my boss bullying me??

blackbelle_2

wheezy57 wrote: »

Are you young enough to take on a new challenge (thats what life is really - one big bloody challenge) in another role altogether?.

This is what I am choosing to do.

I had to resign my last role because of the workload, I was basically trying to do the jobs of 3 full-timers. Every day, I started work between 8-9am, getting up at 6am in order to travel into the city. I did not finish work each day until anywhere between 11pm-2am in the morning (I had a laptop to work from home each evening), plus working over every weekend and I STILL physically could not do all the work and things were being dropped. I ended up crying every day in the car on the way home, and again sporadically in the evenings.

Add to that a horrible site manager, whom my relationship with deteriorated after I said 'no' to something illegal he wanted to continue doing (against head office's knowledge). From that point onwards his attitude towards me cooled, and he kept throwing more and more and more work at me. Even though he knew the hours I was keeping. And then he actually attempted to 'performance-manage' me .. and inferred that my time management was in question (even though he wasn't my line manager). I am still debating with myself whether or not to bring a tribunal claim against him.

I reached the point where being jobless and having financial worries was less than a problem than remaining in the job (I felt close to a breakdown), and I resigned after 3 months service. It has taken a visit to the doctor and antidepressants for me to feel better.

Still no job though, and I have admitted to myself that actually, I hate my career. I have decided that this is probably my best chance to try something new, just need to get my backside into gear and make it happen. This is difficult though, as my confidence has taken a real knock.

Coraline

blackbelle wrote: »

This is what I am choosing to do.
plus working over every weekend and I STILL physically could not do all the work and things were being dropped. I ended up crying every day in the car on the way home, and again sporadically in the evenings.
and he kept throwing more and more and more work at me. Even though he knew the hours I was keeping. And then he actually attempted to 'performance-manage' me .. and inferred that my time management was in question (even though he wasn't my line manager). I am still debating with myself whether or not to bring a tribunal claim against him.

This is difficult though, as my confidence has taken a real knock.

I can relate to this too blackbelle...a couple weeks ago I had to leave the office early and just decided to go to the cinema on a whim to "turn my brain off" and see a film. I don't know what triggered it but halfway through the film I broke down and started crying hysterically and had to leave the cinema. I went home and slept 22 hour straight (this was on a Friday).

I feel so trapped--it took me such a long time to find a permanent, well paying job (although I have found definitively that I am under-banded and am being shorted about £13,000 per annum in my salary) but I'm too scared to approach my supervisor about this.

I can't up and walk out because then my family will be back on benefits and I am not yet a permanent resident...I have to apply for permanent residency in May 2014 and one of the conditions is that we have to prove we don't need to rely on public funds/benefits as civil partners.

I don't mean to hijack the thread I just have to get this off my chest. OP, and everybody here with similar experiences you are not alone. I've read a lot of good advice here on how to deal with these situations from kind folks.

Coraline

wheezy57 wrote: »

Coraline - strangely enough I havent felt this bulllied since I was a child. I still havent learnt how to deal with it. But give me a bully who bullies some else at work or wherever and I am like a rottweiler who doesnt let go.

I asked my counsillor if he thought I was mentally ill. The look on his face. He as much said no - the one who has the problem is the bully'.

To you all - I think about you all the time and I hope something really good happens this weekend. Suns out and thats lifting my spirits a bit..

I just said to my partner last night that what happened yesterday was like nothing I experience since I was in the military. The more I've been thinking about it, it was WORSE because you expect to get yelled and get a royal chewing out in the military if you screw up.

After a month of getting bounced around from my GP to various agencies I finally got an appointment with mental health services in a couple weeks.

The only positive is right now we have a new staff member coming on board next week to take off some of my workload, and by the week after that I'm transferring officially all of my "old job" duties to someone else in the team. Then I will be able to focus just on my "real" job. But I will be directly reporting to this bully....

I can only hope as the chaos dies down and we get more staff things will get better. My strategy is stick it out for a year, get re-banded, then immediately find another job in the NHS along my line of expertise.

My other hope is that the bully gets fired...but my intuition doesn't think that's going to happen. The problem is that this person is way in over her head and can't handle her job. Her view, and she said this to me and my colleague Friday morning is that nobody in the team has any common sense.

So basically "everybody is wrong and screwing up except her."

Does that sound familiar to you folks with your experiences?


(Sorry if I'm repeating myself about certain things, I really can't think straight at the moment!)

wheezy57

blackbelle wrote: »

This is what I am choosing to do.

I had to resign my last role because of the workload, I was basically trying to do the jobs of 3 full-timers. Every day, I started work between 8-9am, getting up at 6am in order to travel into the city. I did not finish work each day until anywhere between 11pm-2am in the morning (I had a laptop to work from home each evening), plus working over every weekend and I STILL physically could not do all the work and things were being dropped. I ended up crying every day in the car on the way home, and again sporadically in the evenings.

Add to that a horrible site manager, whom my relationship with deteriorated after I said 'no' to something illegal he wanted to continue doing (against head office's knowledge). From that point onwards his attitude towards me cooled, and he kept throwing more and more and more work at me. Even though he knew the hours I was keeping. And then he actually attempted to 'performance-manage' me .. and inferred that my time management was in question (even though he wasn't my line manager). I am still debating with myself whether or not to bring a tribunal claim against him.

I reached the point where being jobless and having financial worries was less than a problem than remaining in the job (I felt close to a breakdown), and I resigned after 3 months service. It has taken a visit to the doctor and antidepressants for me to feel better.

Still no job though, and I have admitted to myself that actually, I hate my career. I have decided that this is probably my best chance to try something new, just need to get my backside into gear and make it happen. This is difficult though, as my confidence has taken a real knock.

Reading you post makes me feel sick. At what point did any of the so called managers think it appropriate to land all this work on to you. Whatever your career - nothing is set in stone and really this bully has done you a favour in a way - I mean he has actually made you look at your career and you dont like what you see. Whatever you choose next will be infinitely better than the one who have wisely and bravely stepped away from.

You sound as though you do have a better chance of getting something else, retrain or re-educate - anything will be better than what youve had to go through.

One more thing - noone can possibly believe what youve gone through until you are the victim of a bully. We, on here do and we are on your side 100%. One last thing I bet your boss was livid when you wouldnt do the illegal thing for him. Probs thought you were a soft touch!! No such luck mate - your made of lion material......

Love wheezy

wheezy57

paulineb wrote: »

In my own personal experience, I always did my job properly, in fact I was promoted twice in a very short space of time.

There are a lot of reasons why people get bullied and there are many forms of bullying, sometimes its much more subtle than in your face screaming.

And sometimes when people are on the outside looking in, if they have never been bullied in the workplace, its hard to put yourself in someone elses place and actually get some understanding of how badly it affects your life. (And Im not saying no one on here has suffered, I bet lots of people have).

Id also like to say that I managed two staff teams over a 3 year period, one of them full of very strong characters who werent the easiest people to work with.

I never resorted to bullying anyone, I had no need to. I can manage people effectively without resorting to bullying behaviour.

If someone feels like they are being bullied, in my view that should be taken seriously enough for HR to do something about it, even if its just a conversation to begin with.

Wish I had worked for you then. Everyone seems to be so incompetent and lacking in basic people skills. We are not difficult people and we dont present a challenge but we are human beings who are suffereing at the hands of these oppressive, overbearing, obnoxious, lickspittles with over inflated senses of importance.

wheezy57

Even though Im off and not 'emtionally' fit for work I recall something that happened not two weeks ago. The boss above my line manager tends to say really childish playground things like - after me having training for two days to do a job which is a major lynchpin for the whole company - 'oh quick, has anyone got a camera so I can take a picture of wheezy (obv not my real name) - 'why' someone said - 'its just that I can take a picture to frighten my kids'. I was so stressed and all-over-the-place at the time I just glowered at him. He though it was hilarious. Since then he has called me stupid and dumb in public. The man got an email from me asking him to stop calling me nasty names. He apologised profusely for forty minutes. Its after this that I just hit the walling running and realised I was having somesort of breakdown all at the hands of these vile and evil people who thinks its funny to take the mick, provoke, accuse, lie (on oath) spread malicious rumours and I could go on but Im crying now..

So at whatever stage your at, Pickle, Coraline, Blackbell - take heart there is always out there worse off. Mores the pity.

My Best to all of you

blackbelle_2

wheezy57 wrote: »

One last thing I bet your boss was livid when you wouldnt do the illegal thing for him.

Thanks Wheezy :-) x

Yup, livid just about sums it up. When I explained to him why it was illegal (though it became apparent later on that he already knew), he slammed himself down into a seat right in front of me in a really confrontational way, eyeballed me and said, 'Okay then, then you tell me how we achieve XYZ by X date then [the thing the illegal activity was designed to achieve].

I had to shrug my shoulders and say, 'I'm sorry, I don't know any legal way to achieve what you want to achieve'. And that was true, because both the goal he wanted to achieve and his means of achieving it were illegal.

I should have listened during interview for the role, when my then-prospective line manager warned me about him.

Coraline

It's truly astonishing what I'm finding out that goes one whilst we are sharing our stories.

In my regard, I'm not sure who to complain to. The person runs the entire organisation of 200 people and I report directly to this person. This person has a boss based hundreds of miles away in Leeds.

Other employees (I used to be a receptionist in my old days so I developed this ear for cacthing tid-bits) seem to be on consensus they are being treated similarly. Even on who is a top level Director.

What to do, who to inform, what to do? Anonymous letter to this Bully's boss? I've only been with the NHS for 3 months and am scared to death of reprecussions.

I apologise for the spelling errors, I just went through a bottle of wine.

wheezy57

To hell with the wine!! Enjoy it for whats its worth. Trouble is we all wake up the next day still feeling overwhelmed with mental anguish.

Whats your line manager like? Are you on speaking terms with any of the Sisters or Charge nurses. Are you a nurse? Are you ward based? Are you admin? Sorry to ask so many questions but someone in that organisation could be the 'ear' you need to listen to you.

HR are useless as they are on the side of the NHS not your side. I have since joined a union (Unison) but they cant help in retrospect. So as usual Im on my own.

Why go anonymous? Why not grasp the nettle and just say it like it is. Face to face. Ask for a confidential but vital meeting - you and him (not bully). Take someone trusted in with you. Oh and some tissues. Write down what you can remember and tell him that this is serious and what is he going to do about it. More than likely nothing will happen. Your bully will turn out to the Archangel of Wonderment and denial will be the word of the day.

I have two things still up my sleeve. Press and CEO. Because I have been so brow beaten in all this I now have the confidence of someone who has had their heads battered with a dirty big sledgehammer and another for the road.
What I am trying to say is that I fear that the CEO will make all the right noises but do nothing - talk the talk but not walk the walk. The papers are just a bit too scary for me at the moment.

Going to stop now as I am having a moment.....

Coraline

wheezy57 wrote: »

To hell with the wine!! Enjoy it for whats its worth. Trouble is we all wake up the next day still feeling overwhelmed with mental anguish.

I stopped after one (small) bottle ... no hangover!

wheezy57 wrote: »

Whats your line manager like? Are you on speaking terms with any of the Sisters or Charge nurses. Are you a nurse? Are you ward based? Are you admin? Sorry to ask so many questions but someone in that organisation could be the 'ear' you need to listen to you.

I am in Admin, in a PR role. I'm the only one in the organisation of several hundred people and report directly to the Chief in charge (the bully). This person is the top dog, and going above would be going to somewhere in headquarters which is several hundred miles away--not quite sure who to speak to there..they are all people I have seen in emails and never met. I'm only a couple months into the job.

wheezy57 wrote: »

HR are useless as they are on the side of the NHS not your side. I have since joined a union (Unison) but they cant help in retrospect. So as usual Im on my own.

I joined UNISON myself a couple weeks ago as the red flags started mounting.

wheezy57 wrote: »

Why go anonymous? Why not grasp the nettle and just say it like it is. Face to face. Ask for a confidential but vital meeting - you and him (not bully). Take someone trusted in with you. Oh and some tissues. Write down what you can remember and tell him that this is serious and what is he going to do about it. More than likely nothing will happen. Your bully will turn out to the Archangel of Wonderment and denial will be the word of the day.

Frankly I'm afraid...because I can't risk losing this job. "Officially" from what I read in NHS Business site that all employees band 6 and above are subject to a six month probationary period and can be dismissed without procedures...but there is no such clause in my employment contract.

I don't know who to meet with or where to go...I know where the bully's boss is but it's at the Head Office quite a distance away. That person is very very senior and I don't think that person would entertain such a meeting... I don't know what to do

Thank you for hearing me out wheezy, I really appreciate your support