Is my boss bullying me??

wheezy57

P0123 wrote: »

Hi
Firstly, (replys) unless you can say something with understanding or constructive, then don't say anything at all.

- keep a diary of every situation, with date, time and circumstances;
- you may record conversations but, unfortunately, if you want it to stand up in Court you need to advise whomever you are recording first. However, you can still take this recording to Human Resources/Personnel/a Senior Manager or the Citizens Advice Bureau, etc.
- get his 'warnings', etc, in writing, (eg, by e-mail replies, etc,) which you can keep and use later;
- check if other Staff have felt the same responses; if so, get 'proof' from them;
- see your own Dr;
- once you have all of this, the CAB or online (free dep on personal finances/income) Legal Advisors usually have specialist info and advice on this sort of situation.

Whether 'joking', having bad taste, or any other 'excuse', there are boundaries in place that no Staff should overstep.

Should you decide that you would rather not work there any more, whatever the outcome, you may well be able to make a claim based on 'compulsory resignation' (- again, your Dr's assessments will assist in this).

Most important, I think you are showing signs of depression and/or anxiety. (THIS DOES NOT MEAN THAT YOU ARE 'OVERSENSITIVE' - THEY ARE VERY REAL ILLNESSES.). You do need treatment, whether it is long-term or short-term, aided by tablets or therapies.

Good luck, (and try and ignore the negatives)!

I agree with all of this. The one thing hat has come out in my situation is that all the people who promised to stand beside me and support and add weight to my argument have all but disappeared. Except for my family. Try not lean too heavily on these so called witnesses as they wont want to be involved . My bully and her boss have told my peers that they will lose their jobs if they discuss whats happened over coffee or in a corridor or certainly within earshot of some toady or other.

wheezy57

Ive just had a thought - how old are you? Are you young enough to take on a new challenge (thats what life is really - one big bloody challenge) in another role altogether?

I have no chance at all. But this may be the making of you. But dont leave on an emotional whim. That way spells disaster..

wheezy57

Have I just killed off this thread?

Coraline

I really can relate with the OP. I'm three months into a job, well doing 2.5 FTEs per work and it's been an utter Charlie Foxtrot since day one.

The 2 bosses I work for are like the Yin and Yang of the Psychopath and the Professional Victim. And they feed off each others dark matter in some sort of toilet vortex only found in the bowels of Skunk.

I can't even go into all of it now, my hands are still shaking after today. To get screamed at by the top of her lungs in front of five colleagues in the hallway because I didn't alert her to an email that came to me and I had no idea what it was (I emailed to look at but supposedly was supposed to immediately printed and stormed into her meeting and interrupted everything because it that important).

Flash forward to the afternoon, yelling at me book a room for a meeting. Things aren't that simple,,,they need to go through a process of taking a reservation, then it's sent up to corporate management, etc, etc,. Whole time I'm on hold on the phone she's just staring at me with eyes like "JAWS." You know? Like Doll's eyes?

Then she completely fü%% th hell out and screamed in my ear whilst I was trying to book the room "No are you stupid, I said one hour, (the paper says three hours) while i'm trying to talk to an agent. I can't type anymore I'm shaking too much.

She calls her staff flat out idiots behind their backs, accuses everybody in the company (except her and her advisor) of having no common sense and unable to function.

It's unbearable, I'm not the only one getting this behaviour either, the receptionist noted I was in bit of a state this morning and said she's seen/heard examples just like at around the office.

I really feel for you OP, I know exactly what you're feeling like now. It's like you're never out of work and can never relax. with 60 70 hour weeks and sleepless nights it winds up into basically an 18-24 hour sleeping pattern from Friday to late Saturday with nightmares.

inapickle9

Thankyou all for your kind words and support. I am currently writing out my grievance and I am hoping to submit it in a few hours so they will have it on Monday morning. I'm just constantly questioning myself, I have 7 strong points that I've noted down over the last 6 months but the others I have lost as I didn't back my phone up with them all on and I lost everything ... I just hope the 7 will be enough. I have joined a union and the union rep has said he will come with me to the meeting when it is arranged which makes me feel a little better. I've just lost all my confidence, questioning myself, feel emotional and upset all the time, stressed, no motivation. It's also putting pressure on me and my partner financially as I will be getting SSP. I'm going to request a sick pay review in my grievance due to the nature of the complaint.

I will be leaving when this is over, I have no choice, I have lost all respect and faith in the company as I believe they turn a blind eye to his behavior and I've been told complaints have been made against him in the past. I can't believe I'm going to be the one to stand up to him and go through with this, I'm the last person he would expect this from but I have suffered mentally, my partner is also suffering, he's so upset for me and luckily has been very supportive.

I'm not sure if I am strong enough to go ahead with a constructive dismissal claim if I do have a case, however at the same time, I'm so angry and I am possibly going to have to get into debt until I start the new job (whenever that will be) that I believe I should at least be compensated for what I have lost.

I've been seeing the Dr and a counselor and they both do not believe I should be going back to work there, they think I should follow this grievance through and leave for my health.

Again thankyou for all your help.....I need to finish this grievance but I hate having to think about it all over and over again, I'm even having nightmares about him all the time now, can't believe what this has come to. x

inapickle9

wheezy57 wrote: »

I am so sorry to read this thread as it churned up alot of recent past history of bullying in my workplace.

The internet can offer you loads of readable help and can shine a light on stuff that is happening to you and you feel as though you are alone. You are not alone. This I can promise.

I work for a huge 'company' and they have all sorts of procedures and systems in place. What I have learned is that HR is as useless as a chocolate fireguard. No teeth and no substance. They just print our bullying polices and hope it will go away.

Be strong and appear strong. You are feeling as battered as a bit of cod in a chip shop but for now you really have to rise above that negativity.

I get the feeling that this vile guy is just going to deny everything(bullies are very very good at that) and he will turn on the charm and the words will come out like 'oh Im so sorry, I just didnt realise what I was saying, I was only trying to get the team to pull together and get some results blah blah.' He will be plausible and 'sincere'. You know and I know that that is not the case. He is bullying you because he can. It empowers him, it makes you look stupid in his eyes and he is getting off on that one...

Why he picks on you I have no idea. I got bullied within an inch of my life as I stood up to my bully. I followed works procedures to the enth. I now am signed off sick with severe clinical depression/breakdown. The bully is so ring fenced by her manager and I have been left to flounder. They wouldnt allow me to go forward with the Formal Grievance as the investigating officer is involved as well.

I dont know how to help. But you have the best support possible. Suppose you dont get your bonus when you leave - you will just have to find some other way to fund your deposit.. Your health is paramount. How can you fight a battle when you feel like the way you do.

I am so totally understanding of your plight and I wish there was a majic word I could say to put a different slant on things.

Be strong and believe in yourself that you CAN and WILL get through this, but try not to get too swamped with negativity.

You have a family who needs you right now, and you need them too. Fight for the truth and it will all come out in the wash.

Thankyou so much for your kind words and I'm really sorry to hear what you have been through too. Good on you for standing up to the bully!!!! They should not be left to get away with it, I don't think they realise what an impact they can have on someones life. I hope you feel better soon x

blackbelle_2

inapickle9 wrote: »

I am currently writing out my grievance and I am hoping to submit it in a few hours so they will have it on Monday morning

Just wanted to say - don't rush your grievance letter, as the odds are that at some stage over the weekend you will think of some additional details which you will really wish that you had included, or you may think of some corrections to be made.

Why not finish it in draft form tonight, and then provided you are still happy with it on Sunday night, email it to your work then, and they will still have it the following morning?

Glad your partner is being a great support to you, and for what it is worth, for the sake of your health and future happiness, I think you are taking the best course of action. It may be a rough couple of months but you will come through it stronger and happier xx

jollymummy

Hi OP, this is exactly what happened to me, see my earlier post. I was in such a state I kept bursting into tears. My git manager said I'm so concerned about you, can you cope - after months of hassle from him !!

The only advice,I can add to the great tips you've already had is ask your union rep what the time frame to lodge a grievance is. Perhaps, you might feel stronger in a few months and decide to go down that route then?

Meanwhile, be kind to yourself cognitive behaviour therapy and a complete change in direction worked for me, but we are all different.

But know it is not you, it is your boss who is at fault.

Good luck.

Coraline

I feel ashamed in saying this because I never had to deal with sort of !!!!! since I was in the military 30 years ago!

As of now everything in the near future rests on this job/s, as I am applying for ILR in May and I can't just walk out. My family must have stability and I must have a track record of being able to support ourselves as a unit with no access to benefits.

I feel really trapped and it's not a nice feeling. I'm a ball of stress every weekend on what to expect in my in box Monday morning. I don't know what to do but I am about to have a breakdown.

The one positive out of all of this is at least I navigated the labyrinth and got an appointment with mental health services.

wheezy57

Pickle - thats good to hear. What you must remember pickle is that the truth will out. Not in my case, but there are tales of winners against these disgusting people. I have been shouting the truth from the rooftops and everyone put their hands to their ears and said I was lying!! So, I was a liar on top of everything else.

I have been put on a different medication and I cant think straight. I have tried talking to myself - the kind of get a grip talk. My alter ego says to just go on and be bloudy miserable - its all your fault. Sorry to ramble. Its part of the condition.

So, because of my bully Im off work and seeing a counselor - who is great. But then at the end of the day its me that has to sit in a room on my own desperately trying to work things out.

I expect you feel as if its all your fault and you have let everyone down and that your moral fibre has taken a nosedive. Not at all. Something happened out of your control by a person who loses his control. This leaves you with the momentous burden of HIS failings. Whilt trying to get on a d do our jobs we now have something else to think about. My bully and your bully.

Coraline - strangely enough I havent felt this bulllied since I was a child. I still havent learnt how to deal with it. But give me a bully who bullies some else at work or wherever and I am like a rottweiler who doesnt let go.

I asked my counsillor if he thought I was mentally ill. The look on his face. He as much said no - the one who has the problem is the bully'.

To you all - I think about you all the time and I hope something really good happens this weekend. Suns out and thats lifting my spirits a bit..