Is my boss bullying me??

inapickle9

I've decided to take a break and try and pull myself together and sort my head out but can't get to see a dr while Thursday. I am making myself ill and I just need a break. Feel just as anxious about making that call in and the consequences.

Missme

inapickle9 wrote: »

I've decided to take a break and try and pull myself together and sort my head out but can't get to see a dr while Thursday. I am making myself ill and I just need a break. Feel just as anxious about making that call in and the consequences.

Don't you self-cert for the first 7 days and why not call HR directly advising them of the reason rather than your boss?

While you may not want to confront issues while you're at work, you could let HR know you'll be submitting a grievance because your boss' behaviour has made you ill. Get your notes written up and maybe submit them with the Dr's cert.

Too many hours a day are spent at work to put up with idiots making it unbearable.

jollymummy

Inapickle I worked in sales years ago and sadly met a lot of people who behaved like this and felt it was acceptable in a high pressure sales environment. In fact they thought it encouraging!

Anyhoo, I thought, is the company car, money, bonuses worth all the stress, and came to the conclusion it wasn't. Looked for another job and left them to it (This was after taking a couple of weeks sick and my Dr telling me I'd had a burn out - blimey!).

No one has the right to swear and shout at you at work. This guy sounds like a real git. Take some time off, look for another job and move on, your state of mind and health is the most important thing.

Good luck.

Hezzawithkids

It amazes me in this day and age that anyone can get away with this sort of behaviour. When OH & I ran a business whenever we had to manage any employee performance issues we handled it very carefully, taking advice from our HR helpline at every step and documenting everything. We never ever placed ourselves in a position where an employee could accuse us of the kind of unreasonable behaviour you are describing. The papers are usually full of reports of CD hearings with bullying/harassment claims.

I agree with the majority here that if you feel like you are being targeted then you probably are. Does your company have a confidential employee assistance helpline? May be a better alternative then trying to find your way through an HR grievance process and at least give you a place to vent your feelings a bit more constructively.

inapickle9

Thanks for your replies. I'm not sure if they have a confidential line, I'm going to dig out my contract tonight. I'm not even under performing , I'm 154% to target for the year, I'm just having a bad few months because of how all this is effecting me. I'm mad at myself for allowing someone to make me feel like this , I'm even now stressed about being stressed. I'm scared to call in sick and face the music, I'm scared that having sickness on my record will come back on references when I'm trying to get a new job, I'm scared of having to go back to work after been off and deal with the confrontation. It's just all getting ridiculous

inapickle9

Hi Guys,

Just thought I would give you an update and hope someone can help with advice on what to do next.

I haven't been in work for the last 3 weeks, the DR has signed me off with, anxiety, stress and depression. She doesn't think I should go back to that job at all. I have been trying to pull myself together but I don't feel like I have had chance to de-stress as I'm constantly stressing and worrying about what I am going to do next.
I have joined a union and I have an appointment with occupational health in the morning who has told me not to put a grievance in until he has seen my notes etc. HR have offered me a meeting with a HR officer and the boss in question to discuss the issues I have but I feel so intimidated by him I cannot even tolerate the thought of it and also, I know he will be all apologetic as HR have told me he is really concerned, I know he's concerned about himself and obviously doesn't want to get into trouble. I can't believe the impact he has had on my mental health. I do have a job offer but there is no start date, it may be september/october. I can't possibly stay at my job that long, however they have stopped paying me sick pay from yesterday and I will now only be on SSP which is impossible for me to live off and is causing me even more stress. I don't know what to do at all. I'm so angry and upset that he has done this to me, I'm loosing out on thousands of pounds of salary and commission and will soon be getting in debt due to no pay all because of him.

Do I follow the grievance through until the end and leave? He will always be my boss and I cannot cope with that.

Any advice will be welcome

Takeaway_Addict

Have you looked at the possibility of a compromise agreement?

blackbelle_2

I just wanted to say hi and offer my sympathy as it sounds like you are between a rock and a hard place. I have my own experience of an awful working environment where I simply had to get out of there for the sake of my own health.

Either you take more time on sick to recover (but this may only result in worrying more about the situation and eventual return to work), or you return to work and try your best with HR's support to improve the situation.

Or, you can focus your efforts on securing employment elsewhere (and I appreciate you may not feel up to this) - either trying to secure a soonest start date for the offer you do have - or looking elsewhere.

It is really good that you have taken detailed records of the bullying by your manager, and this could be used to support any grievance complaint that you wished to make. But bear in mind that colleagues may not wish to 'stick their neck on the line' and give evidence in support of your complaint, and your line manager may choose to deny some or all aspects of your claim.

However, I personally think that once you go down the road of making a grievance, and even if your complaint is upheld, the chances of your being able to create a good future working relationship with your manager will be rather small. So if I were you, I would only lodge it if you were intending to move on, and perhaps to use it as part of a tribunal claim for constructive dismissal.

Again, if it were me, I would lodge a grievance complaint ... wait until after the hearing when hopefully it is not looking too good for your line manager. I would then engage an employment solicitor to write to your employer with a 'without prejudice' offer, which would be up to your employer to accept, re-negotiate, or decline.

And if you lodge a formal grievance complaint against your line manager, HR should NOT be allowing him to hear that grievance - it should be heard by a more senior manager. So you would not have the stress of having to face him at that hearing.

Please check very closely what your contract of employment OR company sickness policy says you are entitled to in terms of Company Sick Pay, based on your having over 2 years service.

Hope this helps in some way, none of the above options are easy to negotiate, I do appreciate, and the stress may increase before it decreases again. I hope you are getting plenty of support from friends and family xx

P0123

Hi
Firstly, (replys) unless you can say something with understanding or constructive, then don't say anything at all.

- keep a diary of every situation, with date, time and circumstances;
- you may record conversations but, unfortunately, if you want it to stand up in Court you need to advise whomever you are recording first. However, you can still take this recording to Human Resources/Personnel/a Senior Manager or the Citizens Advice Bureau, etc.
- get his 'warnings', etc, in writing, (eg, by e-mail replies, etc,) which you can keep and use later;
- check if other Staff have felt the same responses; if so, get 'proof' from them;
- see your own Dr;
- once you have all of this, the CAB or online (free dep on personal finances/income) Legal Advisors usually have specialist info and advice on this sort of situation.

Whether 'joking', having bad taste, or any other 'excuse', there are boundaries in place that no Staff should overstep.

Should you decide that you would rather not work there any more, whatever the outcome, you may well be able to make a claim based on 'compulsory resignation' (- again, your Dr's assessments will assist in this).

Most important, I think you are showing signs of depression and/or anxiety. (THIS DOES NOT MEAN THAT YOU ARE 'OVERSENSITIVE' - THEY ARE VERY REAL ILLNESSES.). You do need treatment, whether it is long-term or short-term, aided by tablets or therapies.

Good luck, (and try and ignore the negatives)!

wheezy57

I am so sorry to read this thread as it churned up alot of recent past history of bullying in my workplace.

The internet can offer you loads of readable help and can shine a light on stuff that is happening to you and you feel as though you are alone. You are not alone. This I can promise.

I work for a huge 'company' and they have all sorts of procedures and systems in place. What I have learned is that HR is as useless as a chocolate fireguard. No teeth and no substance. They just print our bullying polices and hope it will go away.

Be strong and appear strong. You are feeling as battered as a bit of cod in a chip shop but for now you really have to rise above that negativity.

I get the feeling that this vile guy is just going to deny everything(bullies are very very good at that) and he will turn on the charm and the words will come out like 'oh Im so sorry, I just didnt realise what I was saying, I was only trying to get the team to pull together and get some results blah blah.' He will be plausible and 'sincere'. You know and I know that that is not the case. He is bullying you because he can. It empowers him, it makes you look stupid in his eyes and he is getting off on that one...

Why he picks on you I have no idea. I got bullied within an inch of my life as I stood up to my bully. I followed works procedures to the enth. I now am signed off sick with severe clinical depression/breakdown. The bully is so ring fenced by her manager and I have been left to flounder. They wouldnt allow me to go forward with the Formal Grievance as the investigating officer is involved as well.

I dont know how to help. But you have the best support possible. Suppose you dont get your bonus when you leave - you will just have to find some other way to fund your deposit.. Your health is paramount. How can you fight a battle when you feel like the way you do.

I am so totally understanding of your plight and I wish there was a majic word I could say to put a different slant on things.

Be strong and believe in yourself that you CAN and WILL get through this, but try not to get too swamped with negativity.

You have a family who needs you right now, and you need them too. Fight for the truth and it will all come out in the wash.