Scared

LastChanceSaloon_2

Padstow wrote: »

Only have a moment as have to go out, but I had to say this first. I really do think you are being too hasty in making decisions about renting property etc.
You haven't even spoken to a solicitor yet and it could well be that you will be allowed to remain in the former marital home to raise your son.
You say "He will never leave"? If he's ordered to, he'll have to.

Please calm down a little as you've put up with this for years, you can last a little longer to get it right. "Act in haste, repent at leisure."

As for H being a good father. When I separated from my ex, my daughter was saying what she'd like to happen to him. I reminded her that although he'd been a rubbish H with numerous affairs, he hadn't been a rubbish dad. She told me he'd have been a better father had she not had to witness how he treated me.
They don't miss a thing, believe me.

Hope DS had a great time with PGL.

I think it is getting urgent I'm afraid. He isn't behaving reasonable and wants to know what's going on (in respect to my mum being back so soon) but I have been saying that for years. He is in his own world. People we both know say that.

I am worried because although I have told him many times he won't believe it. And he will flip when he has to face reality. We are living on egg shells. It's really not good.

I have never reported him. I have friends who witnessed his scary behavior. He still says he is sorry but he wouldn't have if I hadn't provoked him....

RAS

Once you have the residence order in place, school can be instructed that the only people to collect him are those you authorise. It is common for those collecting to have to know a password.

The reason you need the enhanced type of residence order (which requires the police to collect the child and return it to the PWC) is to stop your husband picking him up and taking him away.

RAS

LastChanceSaloon wrote: »

I think it is getting urgent I'm afraid. He isn't behaving reasonable and wants to know what's going on (in respect to my mum being back so soon) but I have been saying that for years. He is in his own world. People we both know say that.

I am worried because although I have told him many times he won't believe it. And he will flip when he has to face reality. We are living on egg shells. It's really not good.

I have never reported him. I have friends who witnessed his scary behavior. He still says he is sorry but he wouldn't have if I hadn't provoked him....

I susgest that you try and speak to Women's Aid whilst you are out collecting your mother.

Please do that?

0808 2000 247

LastChanceSaloon_2

RAS wrote: »

Once you have the residence order in place, school can be instructed that the only people to collect him are those you authorise. It is common for those collecting to have to know a password.

The reason you need the enhanced type of residence order (which requires the police to collect the child and return it to the PWC) is to stop your husband picking him up and taking him away.

I will find out from the solicitor what I'd have to do for that. Thanks for all your advice. Tension is running high here with my mum trying to act as normal as possible....

LastChanceSaloon_2

RAS wrote: »

I susgest that you try and speak to Women's Aid whilst you are out collecting your mother.

Please do that?

0808 2000 247

I will call them. We popped back before grabbing some shopping cos I hadn't logged out of my work's pc.

Will they take me serious though when he hasn't done anything physical in years?

tayforth

My ex said that all the time - "I wouldn't shout at you if you didn't provoke me." A bully's defence, and utterly contemptible.

He says that he's being civil and you're being unreasonable??? What a joke. Of course, you know that this is nonsense, don't you?


It's good that you have witnesses to his behaviour.


It's also good that your mother is back to help and support you.


Try to make a note of anything that he has said or done in the past that would be of concern. If he's making notes, you should too.


What time is your solicitor's appointment on Monday? Will your mum be able to collect your son from the school? You may need to tell them about this and give them her name. Also, I'm not sure what the legal situation is with preventing your OH from picking him up before you have an order in place. Perhaps someone more knowledgeable than me could provide some info on these issues.


I agree that you should be able to stay in the house if you are awarded residency/custody. Even as a lay person who's clueless about this stuff, I'd say that it's very likely that you will win custody of your son.

paulineb_2

Custody doesnt happen overnight, thats the only issue, even if kids arent residing with one estranged parent, they may still need to go to court. The family I have spoken about have been estranged since before Christmas and there hasnt been a custody hearing as yet, it can take 12 months plus.

Im not reading back the thread while Im posting this, but it might be down the line that a court decides who gets what, whether that means one person having to buy the other one out.

The bottom line is, no matter what, there's still going to have to be one person who physically ups and leaves until financial issues are sorted.
Its often the case that the person who is doing the bullying doesnt want to leave and wont leave.

Someone has to go and unless you can get your partner to move out without there being a huge scene (which I highly doubt from the information given), its your safety thats the most important thing and if that means moving out and then getting legal advice about how to divide up the assets later, then you need to do whats safest for you in the short term.

The school in my friends situation have been told that the ex partner cannot approach the son, theres bail conditions in place which prevent him from being anywhere near the mother and the son in this case doesnt want to see his father anyway, every case will be different.

I'll also say, it can be a long drawn out process legally and also it can be challenging, because people do fight dirty and try and make life as hard as they can for ex partners (not all the time but it happens).

But the main issue is your safety right now, its absolutely the most important thing.

You are way beyond the stage of reasoning with this man or trying to placate him, you need to get away from him and worry about all the finer details later.

And just to say, the family I know, there have been a lot of difficulties for the mum, financial, as hes very wealthy and she isnt and hes refusing to pay maintenance, but she is 100 times happier away from him and so are the children.

She has no regrets about ending the relationship and leaving.

dancingfairy

Get advice from Womens aid - you may be able to get him out if he is violent/dangerous.
Like the above poster has said though you may find it easier/safer to just flee.
I can't believe he is upset that your mother is there. What is his problem? it's not like she's moving in permanently is it? Seems a strange reaction - surely he must know that you're having a tough time and your mum has come to comfort and reassure you? -that's what mothers do.
Stay safe.
df

tenke

You remind me a little bit of me, I also changed countries, following the illusion of love and a happy family, and also like you felt, if I came back there was nothing for me back in my country..
I lost many years, in depression and limbo land, trying to figure out a way out, lost health and years on the process.
I am still trying to figure out things, and it is scary as you say. The only thing I regret is not having taken the courage to change things when I was younger. So I would say, it's never late to change things, but you will feel it inside you when that click occurs, and it is then that you have to follow your gut instinct that will always try to stir you in the right direction.

Hope your situation improves soon for the better, we all deserve a chance to be happy

carefullycautious

Im not surprised your son is a bag of nerves if his father is as volatile as you say he is. He should not under any circumstances be sleeping with his dad either.

Stop making excuses and get out as soon as you can.