Scared

LastChanceSaloon_2

Ronaldo_Mconaldo wrote: »

Are you scared to use paragraphs? Don't be!

All you have to do is hit the 'return' key at the end of every couple of sentences. Go on, give it a try.

Thanks. All useful advice.

I suspect I myself am in a state of disbelief and denial.

My mum just booked a flight and is coming back tomorrow. Shortly after that my son is due back from his PGL trip and we'll have to tell him that we had to have his hamster pts while he was gone (brain tumor). That should take the focus off the immediate situation anyway.

I will make an appointment to see a solicitor on Monday. I have spoken to 2 friends who had offered to take the dogs. All practical stuff but giving them up (one is 14) breaks my heart. Nevertheless they will have a great life with people they know. And I'm doing it for DS.. and me I guess.

Thank you all for listening. I know the hard bit hasn't even started yet....

LastChanceSaloon_2

panagia wrote: »

The "I'll make you what I never was" approach will lead to mental health problems in the child in future.

You and your son could build yourselves a good life in Germany, if that's what you want.

I wish you luck with whatever you decide.

I will find out if I can legally take him to Germany without his dad's consent which we would never get.

I'm so all over the place at the moment that I have no idea what the better solution would be in terms of staying or going but I hope to figure it out.

coolcait

It's never a good idea to post someone's real life name on the internet - especially a child's name.

There has very recently been a thread which flagged up the legal requirement to get consent when only one parent is taking a child out of the UK.

That consent may be given by the courts. But it is needed.

ERICS_MUM

Ronaldo_Mconaldo wrote: »

Are you scared to use paragraphs? Don't be!

All you have to do is hit the 'return' key at the end of every couple of sentences. Go on, give it a try.

why are being so spiteful when the OP has such probs and is so worried about her little boy ?

tayforth

OP - first off, have a hug. You've been very brave in posting here.

You say that you wish that your mum hadn't seen you like that - in time, you'll be glad that she did, as it seems to have been the catalyst for change that you so badly needed. Accept her support, you need it and she wants to help.

It's not pathetic at all to need your mum, I'm 35 and I still need mine! Right now more than ever, as I've just left an abusive marriage as well. What would we do without our mums!

Re buying another house - if you sell your house, you'll each have a fair bit of equity to use as a deposit.

But your first priority is to leave. Could you stay with your family, even for a couple of weeks? I appreciate that there might be difficulties with taking your son away and I have no idea about all that, so it may or may not be possible.

What time does your mum arrive tomorrow?

[Deleted User]

Get out , get out , get OUT!!!! ....Is all I am screaming inside when reading your post!!!

No excuses , no 'reasons not to'

Flipping heck we only get one life , do you want the rest of yours to be miserable???

And what about your poor SON - He is going to end up emotionally damaged by this more if you stay , he needs peace , calm and consistency and a role model who says ''I'm not putting up with this cr*p'' so that he doesn't do the same!

LastChanceSaloon_2

Hello,

Been working from home and it's been madness. My mum is due at 2.45 and I shall collect her. Then waiting for DS.

Lots of offers from friends and family for the animals which is on one hand a relief, on the other heart breaking cos it means things are becoming real which I know needs to happen.

My parents have also offered to pay the deposit for any potential rental which is great.

I shall try and make some appointments to look at houses for tomorrow....

Thank you for all you support. It might be part of the symptoms but I never thought of myself as being in an abusive relationship....

LannieDuck

Hi LastChance. I'm really glad your Mum has seen that there's a problem (even if you aren't at the moment), because you'll have support. The fact that she's turned around and come back so quickly shows how much she cares and how willing she is to help. It'll also be useful to have that 'outside' view.

It sounds to me as if you're doing really well at getting yourself organised:

* Your parents will give you the rental deposit
* You have offers of homes for the animals
* You're seeing a solicitor on Monday

Well done. You're doing great.

You say you're worried about what your son will think. Don't be. He shouldn't ever have to shake in fear of his father. Or share a room with his Dad because his Mum is scared of her husband.

LastChanceSaloon_2

LannieDuck wrote: »

Hi LastChance. I'm really glad your Mum has seen that there's a problem (even if you aren't at the moment), because you'll have support. The fact that she's turned around and come back so quickly shows how much she cares and how willing she is to help. It'll also be useful to have that 'outside' view.

It sounds to me as if you're doing really well at getting yourself organised:

* Your parents will give you the rental deposit
* You have offers of homes for the animals
* You're seeing a solicitor on Monday

Well done. You're doing great.

You say you're worried about what your son will think. Don't be. He shouldn't ever have to shake in fear of his father. Or share a room with his Dad because his Mum is scared of her husband.

Thank you. I am between trying and losing the plot. The difficult bit is still to come. The actual leaving. That scares me.

Practicalities.

Who do I contact about tax credits and financial support with housing (entitledto.com tells me I am entitled to)?

When I haved moved is there someone who will help me to arrange access for my husband to my son or is it all up to me? I have no idea at all where to start with that.

Better get ready to get my mum. My family is great. I have offers from cousins and uncles to help with a move and to take the dogs.... I'm very grateful.

RAS

Hi

It may be best of your husband does not know why you mother is here (or even that she is here?).

Does your son have a passport? Find it and get it out of the house. And yours.

The first thing your husband is going to do when he realises that you intend leaving is open a residency case (so your son lives with him) and get a Prohibited Steps Order to prevent you taking your son to Germany.

If you decide to go you need to do that before he realises. He will then open an abduction case here but that is another matter.