My moody 10 year old son.

valk_scot

jaxjax123 wrote: »

Being outdoors, Boring NEVER
Getting muddy, worn out covered in cuts from brambles. How could anyone say it's boring. :rotfl:

On a serious note I like to get him to try things before he can say he doesn't like them otherwise he'd never know would he?

Thing is, if you've tried them with him at a younger age and he found them boring back then puberty is not going to change his mind. Or if you've not tried introducing him to outwards bound activities before now it's a bit late tbh. I suspect though you have been doing these things with him for a long time and it's just his age kicking in.

I used to be an active person before ill health hit but I always encouraged the kids to do sports and get involved with stuff, even if I couldn't actively join in any more. This had lead to many a boring hour for me by the side of swimming pools, rugby pitches, driving to two sets of Scouts, to rivers and lakes and seaside for sailing and canoeing etc etc. It was worth it for me to be bored just to see them do it all. On the other hand neither of them are the least bit interested in my crafting activities and it's a disappointment tbh, I'd love to encourage their artistic sides a bit and take them to exhibitions eyc but no, boring apparently. So I go with the flow and encourage their interests.

I was wondering though if you've just moved perhaps Scouts might be a good idea for him? Chance to make new friends plus sneak him into more outside activities by another route.

Also, don't take the Xbox away, no. That will just make him resent you. Ration it a bit though, two hours max on a weekend day perhaps? And he might like to do other things that are not to do with activity, remember, like go to the cinema, football, a tractor show, ride on a steam train. There's no law that says family activities have to be active.

jaxjax123

z.n wrote: »

This is our situation- we live a long way from school and friends so the online gaming is their way of socialising after school. I think you have to be flexible about it- but that does not mean there should be no limits or that other outdoor activities are neglected.

This is how I feel I know Xbox does have it's place, but as he grows older how will he ever have any other hobbies or interests if he wont venture away from his Xbox.

I have put restrictions on it before, when he finishes he just says "what am I supposed to do now?" or "I'm bored."

If you can't amuse yourself without an Xbox it's pretty sad. This is exactly why I try to get him involved with stuff.

We have a 10ft trampoline in the garden, we got it when we moved in, he has been on it 3 or 4 times. My 3 year old on the other hand wont come in the house, he would spend all day outside.

Tenyearstogo

z.n wrote: »

Ten seems young for this type of behaviour. My son showed signs of playstation obsession at a similar age so I just removed it entirely for about 3 years.That may not be viable though depending on the peer group- but strict limits on screen time are a must. The sooner you introduce proper controls the better- the problem only gets harder to handle as they get older so having some guidelines in place now is essential.

I disagree with all of this.

My now 14 year old was like the OPs son at 10. He's never been interested in sports or outdoor activity. I tried to get him outside and to kick a ball about etc. but failed.

Then I realised, that if my son was happy and still doing all his school work to his best ability, it does not matter if he wants to spend his time on the Xbox. I could put up with grunting if he spoke nicely to his teachers/grandparents/adults. His friends all grunted at each other.

I found that relaxing the rules about gaming actually worked better. Telling him that he needed to empty the dishwasher when his game finished was better than telling him to do it and banning the Xbox.

He grew out of the Kevin and perry stage before 13. He's 15 later this month and is a brilliant lad. He's polite, funny, hard working and a pleasure to be around.

I'm not saying that your way was wrong for your child but it's not right for every child. It was not the way for my eldest.

If you want your child to act like an adult then treat them like one.

Tenyearstogo

jaxjax123 wrote: »

This is how I feel I know Xbox does have it's place, but as he grows older how will he ever have any other hobbies or interests if he wont venture away from his Xbox.

I have put restrictions on it before, when he finishes he just says "what am I supposed to do now?" or "I'm bored."

If you can't amuse yourself without an Xbox it's pretty sad. This is exactly why I try to get him involved with stuff.

We have a 10ft trampoline in the garden, we got it when we moved in, he has been on it 3 or 4 times. My 3 year old on the other hand wont come in the house, he would spend all day outside.

Because his tastes will change, his interests will develop but NATURALLY. Do you tell the 3 year old to stop bouncing so he can develop other interests? Of course you don't. You know he's not going to be a thirty year old man who rushes home from work to go a trampoline!

Relax!

jaxjax123

Tenyearstogo wrote: »

I disagree with all of this.

My now 14 year old was like the OPs son at 10. He's never been interested in sports or outdoor activity. I tried to get him outside and to kick a ball about etc. but failed.

Then I realised, that if my son was happy and still doing all his school work to his best ability, it does not matter if he wants to spend his time on the Xbox. I could put up with grunting if he spoke nicely to his teachers/grandparents/adults. His friends all grunted at each other.

I found that relaxing the rules about gaming actually worked better. Telling him that he needed to empty the dishwasher when his game finished was better than telling him to do it and banning the Xbox.

He grew out of the Kevin and perry stage before 13. He's 15 later this month and is a brilliant lad. He's polite, funny, hard working and a pleasure to be around.

I'm not saying that your way was wrong for your child but it's not right for every child. It was not the way for my eldest.

If you want your child to act like an adult then treat them like one.

Your son sounds a lot like mine, this has all been fairly recent. He watches but wont play football, can't get him to run around. He is a bystander. I have come to accept this with him which is why I tried the other outdoors activities. Which appears are not for him either.

But he is good at school work, his concentration levels are very good and he is going to grammar school in September. Which maybe why he likes the challenge of the Xbox.

jaxjax123

Tenyearstogo wrote: »

Because his tastes will change, his interests will develop but NATURALLY. Do you tell the 3 year old to stop bouncing so he can develop other interests? Of course you don't. You know he's not going to be a thirty year old man who rushes home from work to go a trampoline!

Relax!

True, but it would be funny.

I know I should relax, you get so wrapped up in wanting to do what is best for them. That's why I posted on here to get other peoples views.

Tenyearstogo

I think you're probably just having those few awkward nothing-in-common years.

DS1 is great now, we watch a lot of tv together, we have the same sense of humour. Last week we went to London zoo. Primarily to take DS2 but it got us all outdoors together and DS1 had a really good time.

I do think that boys of that age need a lot of down time, especially if they are hard workers. I never have to tell him to study, he's doing two GCSEs this summer and the rest next year. He's on target for A grades in all 12 GCSE's, I do not tell him how to time manage. He does it all himself.

mrcow

Why has he got an Xbox in his room? Take it out of there and move it to the main sitting room. It's encouraging him to spring roots up there.

FBaby

I can totally relate to this. My 10 year old is quite active, so getting him out is not much an issue most of the time (although he also has his moments when I can't get him to do anything out), but my issue is with him accepting to do any type of chores. I always make a point of asking nicely and all I get back is attitude. It infuriates me as I do so much for him. It went on for month and we had bad times. Recently, it's been better although there is still way too much moaning for my liking!

What I have noticed is that his mood is very much affected by how tired he is. When he has been off school for a week and got to rest, he becomes lovely and cooperative again, but when we get towards the end of term, it's a real challenge. He is becoming more aware of the inappropriateness of his behaviour and the way he can talk to me and this has got much better and also recognises (without acknowledging!) when he is tired and needs to get more sleep (he does go to bed at 8:30-9:00, but wakes up early and don't always catch up as he needs during week-ends).

The issue of not having things in common is one I share with my 13 year old daughter. She is very girly, interested in teenage girl things, shopping, hair and not much into sporting activities. At what point I felt quite distressed about it as it seemed we had so little to share and she spent more and more time in her bedroom. I found it hard because we were so close when she was little and very active so I haven't seen it coming. Saying that, she is starting to be more interested in sport this year and has even said she wanted to start running and we went out together once! She is also a bit less self-absorbed.

We've just been on holiday and it's gone ok overall. I did get frustrating with my son whinging as soon as we had to walk and do the quickest visiting of new places, but then was absolutely fine about it the last two days! I also got frustrated with my daughter happy to stay in bed until noon and not making the best of what was available.

One thing that I have accepted is that they are still young, and still need to be told what to do, especially as most of the time, they end up really enjoying what we did. I also try to set things up the same day every week, to avoid one saying they are desperate to go whilst the other is absolutely refusing. I now say that we will go every Wednesday whether they like it or not. They anticipate it and this avoids arguments.

FBaby

I meant to say about the x-box that I have tried to introduce the 'you can go on your x-box after .....' The thing is, even if I remind him in advance a few times, he can still give me grief when it comes to it, yet at other times like this week-end, I didn't even need to say it, he took it upon himself to clear up his bedroom as soon as he got home before going on it and before I had said anything!

He is just a moody male creature