etiquette at family homes

red_devil

When you have visitors eg family should you make them stick to your rules or should you bend a little and be hospitable.

IF you dont have the windows open very much for example and your family would like them open should you open them for family or stick to your ways?

I think you should make your home accommodating to guests.

LEJC

Everyone who enters our house for the first time is pointed towards the shoe pile and asked to remove their shoes, others who visit more often just simply now remove them.

I'll do my best to be accomodating to their needs whilst they are in our house,but if they dont remove their shoes they dont get past the front door!

liney

Depends on the rules. Rules such as no smoking indoors; shoes on/off indoors; no TV whilst eating, would be consistant in my house.

Why would you have 'rules' about opening a window, out of interest?

PasturesNew

It's a complex mix of who is visiting, how often they visit, usual house rules, house pecking order, visitor pecking order, duration of visit ..... and how hard their habits make you want to pumch them in the face.

Valli

red_devil wrote: »

When you have visitors eg family should you make them stick to your rules or should you bend a little and be hospitable.

IF you dont have the windows open very much for example and your family would like them open should you open them for family or stick to your ways?

I think you should make your home accommodating to guests.

Depends whether you actually want to welcome them into your home or make them feel comforatble or not. If you want them out ASAP then keep the windows shut;)

lovecake

I think you should bend a little as long as there is compromise and family ask to do something rather than assume they can just do it. There has to be some give and take.

Using your windows example - If a family member asked me if they could open the windows I would say 'sure if you need some fresh air, but if you don't mind I'll close them after a while becuase I don't really like to leave them open' type thing. If they just opened them and didn't say anything I would be a little annoyed.

Even when I stay at my Mum's I always ask 'can I open these biscuits?' or 'is it ok if I have a shower now?' - it's only polite in case the biscuits were being saved for something or someone else needed into the shower first etc. It's good to be accommodating, but guests should appreciate that it is your home and there are certain things that you like and don't like to be done in your space.

The only thing I would draw the line at would be smoking. No one would EVER be allowed to smoke in my home.

lazer

Depend who it is - very close family/friends (parents etc - regular visitors) I would expect to keep the house rules as i would in their house.

Other visitors - I would relax the rules, although it does depend on the rule - the no smoking rule is permanent.
If i had a no shoes rule - it would be relaxed for guests (although TBH I hate that rule - feet get cold without shoes)
Things like no food in the living room would be relaxed too

Gloomendoom

:huh: We don't have any rules.

MrsDrink

Gloomendoom wrote: »

:huh: We don't have any rules.

I think our only rule is no smoking.

lostinrates

It depends on the rules and why.

If I had a no shoes rule (we don't) I would want someone with athletes foot or verrucas or what ever to keep their shoes on. Because I think its rude to put people on such a position I don't have such a rule, but on the other hand, few visitors go upstairs, where we do tend (rather than rule) to be shoeless or in 'indoor' type shoes (dress foot wear, for example, is kept upstairs so would be worn down the stairs). This is primarily because I am very susceptible to things like verrucas and don't want anyone else's and I do like to pad around my house in barefeet when its hot enough. Also, we have lots of pets and they wander in and out shoeless, so to expect my guests to walk in barefoot if they prefer not to seems bizarre in my house.

We tend to try and make our guests feel as comfortable as possible. The rules we bend less on are those that impact on the animals. I.e. I by habit lock my dogs out for most guests (aware not everyone likes dog dribble or hair on them) but I would not allow other people to slap, or squeal or behave like loons around my dogs in a way such as to make the dogs think it was a good thing to get over excited when people visit. Similarly, I don't mind the occasional person smoking occasionally in my house in a . Room which is very easy to air. If I had a regular visitor who was a smoker I would ask them to smoke outside but make sure they had somewhere nice to sit and an ashtray.

Windows we have absolutely no rule about. If someone asked for a window to be closed or open if it were possible I would do so , if it were not I would mitigate the impact......so, if I couldn't close a window because it had wet paint on it, I would say, 'let's go into the kitchen, where its warmer' or some such.

elsien

If being accommodating means giving my brother the remote control, he can sod off! Otherwise, it really does depend on the person, the relationship, how relaxed you are with them and who's likely to get the hump. Generally speaking, I do like people to feel at home if they're staying with me. My house is your house, and all that stuff. (Remote aside obviously.)

Reminds me of a conversation with my mother the other day - I'd asked her if I could go and look for something, she said I didn't need to ask as it was my home. When I pointed out it wasn't my home as I'd never lived there (she moved in years after I left home) she got a bit upset. Apparently as it's my mum's house that automatically makes it the family home so us kids can pretty much do as we like even though we've never lived there. Which is really not how I see it at all - it's her house and I wouldn't dream of letting myself in/ going rummaging without permission, even though she says she wouldn't mind. Odd how you can get such different perspectives on things in families.