Ex wife lied to where she has taken kids abroad. Where do i stand?

Moonwax

Hi Balletshoes

Nope not contact or news, they are due back tommorow.

Calien27

Moonwax-

I hope you are able to sort all of this out when they come back and hopefully avoid something similar happening again in the future.

Moonwax

I hope so too! The ex needs to realise she did not need to lie to me, but talking to her is going to be difficult as i wont believe a word she says from now on, just like in the last year of our relationship....

paulineb_2

I appreciate you may feel like some people have been digging about you

but

I am a worrier when it come to my children isnt that natural? Im sorry if some of you dont share the same feelings about yours.

Is there a need for that?

And as you say yourself, she hasnt broken any law. I do appreciate that you must be worried and I do hope it works out for you

Plus

I hope so too! The ex needs to realise she did not need to lie to me, but talking to her is going to be difficult as i wont believe a word she says from now on, just like in the last year of our relationship....


The above is something you need to let go and move on from.

marisco_2

paulineb wrote: »

Plus

I hope so too! The ex needs to realise she did not need to lie to me, but talking to her is going to be difficult as i wont believe a word she says from now on, just like in the last year of our relationship....


The above is something you need to let go and move on from.

Some people find it hard to trust easily. Especially when they have placed a lot of trust in someone in the past and had that thrown back in their face. These recent lies have involved the OPs children and he has been left worried sick about their whereabouts and welfare. For a split moment today his exs lies left him fearful of whether his children had been caught up in an explosion at Disney. The kind of panic no parent should have to go through. All so avoidable if no lies has been told. Not easy to simply let go and move on from.

Soubrette

I have a lot of sympathy for you OP. My ex never lied about where he was taking the children (I had primary care) but he never bothered to tell me anything either (and yes that included taking them abroad albeit to Europe). It was a very difficult time because I always made sure he knew what the children were up to and made sure they knew they could contact him at any time simply because I knew how, as a parent, you want to know these things and children love both parents and so don't ever want to feel torn between the two of them. In the end I just had to accept that as their Dad he was capable of looking after the children even if he was incapable of being part of team parent. I accepted the fact that a situation that involved harm to one or other of my girls was very unlikely to happen (although I may well have flayed the flesh off his body cm by cm if it had!)

In your situation I would take the moral high ground and say to her that you are disappointed that she lied and that you don't understand why she felt she had to lie anyway. To the children, I would be excited about their holiday and would ignore the circumstances. Children imo should never feel they have to lie to one parent to protect the other.

In the long term, people who behave like your ex and mine show themselves in a certain way to their children and that impacts on the way their children perceive them, which in cases such as this is that one parent is basically untruthful and therefore untrustworthy. If the other parent is honest and reliable then it is to that parent that children will go to with their problems and for help.

Good luck

Calien27

I would imagine if they didn't have to be in each others lives the OP would be able to let it go, but having to have some contact with each other because of the kids, it isn't so easy to either move on or attempt to trust them.

OP I do apologize for perhaps jumping on you or having a go, I do understand why you worried about not knowing where they were, the explosion in Disney illustrated exactly why you would worry.

reformindivorce

I find it depressing that so many people choose to be critical rather than helpful on forums such as this.
Moonwax, I haven't read the entire thread, sorry, but have you mentioned anywhere whether the groom is British or American. I would be very concerned if he's American. The marriage would allow your wife to stay in America and I believe any child under the age of 16 (maybe 18) would be included.
I believe you are essentially powerless until the day after your kids are due back in Britain.
If they don't come back then you need to go to your local court immediately and obtain a form requesting an emergency hearing at which you will be seeking an order from the court that your children must be brought back to the UK. You could seek a temporary residence order.
I don't know the form number but if you explain to the reception clerk she should be able to advise you.
You don't need a solicitor at this stage. Just fill in the form saying you believe your ex has 'abducted' your children. You must use that word.
If, however, any defined contact order or residence order already exists then the terms of that order will apply in law.
Good luck!

unholyangel

Personally when she comes back, I'd say nothing. If she says she got married, congratulate her but dont ask any details. See what she offers up without explanation. If she doesn't on the day, it will eventually and then you just say "Yeah I heard about it while you were away" and nothing more.

If she has a habit of lying, it may be that she's doing it for the attention. Sort of how kids can misbehave to get attention - even if its negative. If you stop biting, she may give up. Sounds a bit silly but ignore bad behaviour and "praise" the good in some way.

On the flip side, is there a possibility that her OH surprised her and she didnt know herself? I understand you're worried. But worrying wont achieve or solve anything. Your time is much better spent focusing on a solution than worrying about the problem.

I do think you overreacted though. You were effectively talking about reporting the mother of your children for kidnapping because she might have/has lied to you. It certainly helps if ex-partners can get on for the sake of their children but it is not strictly necessary providing they dont neglect or endanger the children.

Theres loads of possibilities. I know its hard but put it to the back of your mind until you know for sure. I'm sure the kids are perfectly fine. The odds are in their favour

marisco_2

unholyangel wrote: »

Personally when she comes back, I'd say nothing. If she says she got married, congratulate her but dont ask any details. See what she offers up without explanation. If she doesn't on the day, it will eventually and then you just say "Yeah I heard about it while you were away" and nothing more.

If she has a habit of lying, it may be that she's doing it for the attention. Sort of how kids can misbehave to get attention - even if its negative. If you stop biting, she may give up. Sounds a bit silly but ignore bad behaviour and "praise" the good in some way.

I completely disagree with this advice. The OP has to maintain contact with his ex as far as working with her to raise their children is concerned. Why would a grown man want to handle his necessary interaction with a grown woman as if she were a child seeking attention and going along with her stupid behaviour and lies. Good grief ignore bad behaviour and praise good, what tosh. Who in their right minds would be prepared to play those silly games. Doesn't it also send a very confusing message to his children if daddy is treating mummy as if she is their age.