Ex wife lied to where she has taken kids abroad. Where do i stand?

janninew

peachyprice wrote: »

If OP hadn't been so cagey there wouldn't have been any need for assumptions, but very few details were actually given, and those that were were given with a view to paint himself in a favorable light and his ex less so.

perhaps the op was being cagey as he was stressed about being lied to and tempers were running high I'm sure even the people of mse can understand that. in the same position as the op and being lied about where my child was I'd be quite cagey as well. Just seems to me that the vast majority of these assumptions are making this man out to be a control freak, stalker etc when really nobody at all on this thread knows.

peachyprice

janninew wrote: »

perhaps the op was being cagey as he was stressed about being lied to and tempers were running high I'm sure even the people of mse can understand that. in the same position as the op and being lied about where my child was I'd be quite cagey as well. Just seems to me that the vast majority of these assumptions are making this man out to be a control freak, stalker etc when really nobody at all on this thread knows.

Yes, maybe, or maybe not.

Either way, if you post on an internet forum with only the briefest of details people are going to make assumptions, tis the nature of the beast.

Anyway, I think it's been firmly established that assumptions have been made now, rightly or wrongly, and it doesn't look like OP isn't going to come back and put those assumptions right, so not much pint in going around in circles about it.

janninew

peachyprice wrote: »

Yes, maybe, or maybe not.

Don't worry somebody will be along shortly to make an assumption, or maybe we have lots of mind readers that frequent mse and they know exactly what is going on!

paulineb_2

janninew wrote: »

Don't worry somebody will be along shortly to make an assumption, or maybe we have lots of mind readers that frequent mse and they know exactly what is going on!

To be fair, people give advice or criticism constructive or otherwise based on information given. Its hard to give advice based on partial information and sometimes people might read responses differently.

Ive seen threads much worse than this one, its par for the course, if you start a thread you have to be prepared to put your head above the parapet so to speak and thats true for any internet forum.

Personally, I dont think picking over the bones of whether people are right or wrong or whether people are girl power or not or part of some forum sisterhood is actually going to achieve anything.

Some people will stand by what they said, people will have polar opposite views of whether the OP should be concerned or not.

And I dont think people need to necessarily be right or be wrong, just that when you post and you give away details, depending on what you do post you must be prepared that some people will think your point of view isnt merited.

The OP can come back at any time and let people know how things are and if he doesnt, his choice. We all have choices as to whether we stay or leave a thread or a forum.

I do hope things work out, for all people concerned.

coolcait

peachyprice wrote: »

Necessary for who? Certainly not the authorities, they don't give a hoot unless there is already a flight risk marker on the child's passport.

Not once, in the 16 years since separating and taking our children overseas have I ever been asked for a piece of paper from my ex giving permission to take the children abroad, neither has he. It appears to be one of those pieces of legislation that only matters after the fact.

If it were that an important document you'd think that there would at least be a place for it in the child's passport and you would think that children travelling would be checked before leaving the country and you would think that it would form part of the divorce proceedings concerning the welfare of the children.

And no, I'm not talking about a different time, or different circumstances, I'm talking about the here and now.

16 years ago is a different time.

Maybe you didn't go against the legal requirements when you took your children overseas without their father's written consent.

Maybe you did go against the legal requirements, and got away with it.

However, there are legal requirements out there - easily found by googling.

Anyone who shares parental responsibility (in the legal sense) with someone else, and intends to take the child/children abroad should double check what the legal requirements are in terms of consent.

If they then choose to ignore those requirements, that is their choice, and the risk they choose to take.

peachyprice

coolcait wrote: »

16 years ago is a different time.

Maybe you didn't go against the legal requirements when you took your children overseas without their father's written consent.

Maybe you did go against the legal requirements, and got away with it.

However, there are legal requirements out there - easily found by googling.

Anyone who shares parental responsibility (in the legal sense) with someone else, and intends to take the child/children abroad should double check what the legal requirements are in terms of consent.

If they then choose to ignore those requirements, that is their choice, and the risk they choose to take.

I didn't stop taking my children abroad 16 years ago, I separated 16 years ago. I've been taking my children abroad every year for those 16 years, the paper work that was deemed necessary for the whole of those 16 years has never been asked for.

I've taken my 11 yo daughter abroad with out her father who I am still married to, many times the last time being last year, I have never been asked for any paperwork for her either.

So unless in the last 9 months they've suddenly started asking for this document (which they haven't) the authorities do not give a hoot about this piece if paper that is 'necessary'.

Zoetoes

[quote=[Deleted User];61530623]No but he is coming across as being a caring father who isnt bothered with what his ex-wife is doing now as long as the kids are safe. I don't see the problem - hes not obliged to have anything more to do with his ex-wife is he doesnt want to surely?[/QUOTE]

I haven't suggested he's not a caring father, he hasn't said he doesn't think the kids are safe, he has said he is concerned that he has been lied to.

And his ex wife is not obliged to tell him her business surely?

Zoetoes

aliasojo wrote: »

Oh the irony.

I've obviously missed that one!

coolcait

peachyprice wrote: »

I didn't stop taking my children abroad 16 years ago, I separated 16 years ago. I've been taking my children abroad every year for those 16 years, the paper work that was deemed necessary for the whole of those 16 years has never been asked for.

I've taken my 11 yo daughter abroad with out her father who I am still married to, many times the last time being last year, I have never been asked for any paperwork for her either.

So unless in the last 9 months they've suddenly started asking for this document (which they haven't) the authorities do not give a hoot about this piece if paper that is 'necessary'.

The fact that the authorities don't seem to police the requirement very well still doesn't mean that the requirement doesn't exist.

If I choose to travel on the train without buying a ticket, and am never asked to produce a ticket, then I could state that it is not 'necessary' to have a ticket.

Yet, legally there is a 'requirement' for me to have a ticket, and I've just been lucky not to get challenged.

Here's one of many legal websites which talks about the 'requirement' - and which contains the phrase "The necessity to obtain permission to take a child out of the UK is not commonly known". You'd almost think she had been reading this thread!

http://www.sydneymitchell.co.uk/news/legal-implications-taking-children-abroad-if-you-are-separated

Anyway, there's nothing more I can say on the subject.

neverdespairgirl

paulineb wrote: »

I speak to my mum most days. Not always every day, but at least 5 or 6 out of 7. Im 44.

Possibly because shes my only parent and always has been. And I see her at least once a week, we live in the same town and I have no other family apart from my brother, what I mean is, we are a small family but we are close.
.

Not sure - I have two parents, and always have had, and my sisters actually see her almost every day, and phone when they're not around. My brother doesn't phone daily, but he's in South Korea, so there are both time zones and expense issues.