Ex wife lied to where she has taken kids abroad. Where do i stand?

aliasojo

[quote=[Deleted User];61530605]Zoe - theres always one who will try to cause an argument. That one is you here![/QUOTE]

Oh the irony.

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

Person_one wrote: »

I don't, and I don't think most adults speak to their mums every day. Nothing wrong with it, but its not the norm I wouldn't have thought!

I either see my parents every day (the live in the same area) or at least call / text if i cant

Call MIL at least once a week also........

LannieDuck

I really, honestly don't think the OP would have gotten a different response if he were a woman. I'm half tempted to start a new thread just to test it... but that would be a little obvious right now :P

peachyprice

There certainly wouldn't be a different response from me, I really don't get the whole mother is the best parent way of thinking, in fact I think fathers get a really rough deal most of the time. Wouldn't change my POV on the situation at all whether it were a male or female posting.

miss_independent

I can't believe how the OP has been treated on here and think its pretty disgusting tbh.

I'd be concerned. Yes they are the same country but Florida itself is bigger than the UK - Vegas is thousands of miles away and a vastly different resort than Orlando. Having had life where I've gone back and forth between the UK and the US and consider both home, trust me on this one! My main concern would be the fact she has lied and been so deceptive as to find fake flight numbers and fake hotel details. Why would someone do that?! I also think its cruel to get kids hopes up of going to Disneyworld and Universal (for Wizarding World of Harry Potter, as OP suggested) only to take them to somewhere totally different (with a completely different "atmosphere") for an entirely different reason. As OP says, who is looking after the kids while they are off on Bar Crawls? I guess what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas eh?

OP says that the trip was for 5 days ( NOT 14 nights as Gigglepig suggested). Two of those days would be taken up with travel out of and back to the UK. I agree with OP that it seems unlikely they would then fly internally to Orlando as Disney and Universal are hard to do in one or two days. At any rate, why lie? That in itself isn't very reassuring is it? She is in the wrong imo.

My brother and his wife are seperated and the kids always phone home at least once during a holiday to let the other parent know they are ok. Ditto if they are staying with us - we just see it as being polite and reassuring to the other parent. They also text, or if not possible, email to say they landed safely.

As a family, we (me, parents, NoK's) always give flight details and accomodation details to each other. And yes, we have needed that information a couple of times now and were glad of it. As a parent, I would definitely wanted to know the truth.

As I say, I've practically grown up on both sides of the Atlantic and take both my UK and US mobiles with me - i've had several different mobiles and have never had a problem sending or receiving texts and, more recently emails (there are places with free wifi everywhere in the US). One text or one email or a FB message wouldn't have gone amiss would it?

Can't believe that some people genuinely don't care where their kids are when they are out of the country!

claire16c

miss_independent wrote: »

I can't believe how the OP has been treated on here and think its pretty disgusting tbh.

I'd be concerned. Yes they are the same country but Florida itself is bigger than the UK - Vegas is thousands of miles away and a vastly different resort than Orlando. Having had life where I've gone back and forth between the UK and the US and consider both home, trust me on this one! My main concern would be the fact she has lied and been so deceptive as to find fake flight numbers and fake hotel details. Why would someone do that?! I also think its cruel to get kids hopes up of going to Disneyworld and Universal (for Wizarding World of Harry Potter, as OP suggested) only to take them to somewhere totally different (with a completely different "atmosphere") for an entirely different reason. As OP says, who is looking after the kids while they are off on Bar Crawls? I guess what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas eh?

OP says that the trip was for 5 days ( NOT 14 nights as Gigglepig suggested). Two of those days would be taken up with travel out of and back to the UK. I agree with OP that it seems unlikely they would then fly internally to Orlando as Disney and Universal are hard to do in one or two days. At any rate, why lie? That in itself isn't very reassuring is it? She is in the wrong imo.

My brother and his wife are seperated and the kids always phone home at least once during a holiday to let the other parent know they are ok. Ditto if they are staying with us - we just see it as being polite and reassuring to the other parent. They also text, or if not possible, email to say they landed safely.

As a family, we (me, parents, NoK's) always give flight details and accomodation details to each other. And yes, we have needed that information a couple of times now and were glad of it. As a parent, I would definitely wanted to know the truth.

As I say, I've practically grown up on both sides of the Atlantic and take both my UK and US mobiles with me - i've had several different mobiles and have never had a problem sending or receiving texts and, more recently emails (there are places with free wifi everywhere in the US). One text or one email or a FB message wouldn't have gone amiss would it?

Can't believe that some people genuinely don't care where their kids are when they are out of the country!

I agree. To actually make up fake hotel & flight details is very weird. You would never trust them again. Plus didn't the mum think he'd find out later anyway when he sees their passport stamp and the kids start talking?

I also don't see what's wrong with asking for them. I'm a worrier and I always have that info if my DH goes away so I can check the plane has landed. My parents sometimes check it when me and DH or my sister flies somewhere. And none of us speak to each other every day or are slightly controlling!

alleycat`

LannieDuck wrote: »

I really, honestly don't think the OP would have gotten a different response if he were a woman. I'm half tempted to start a new thread just to test it... but that would be a little obvious right now :P

I'm almost 99% certain that if the boot was on the other foot the OP would have got a very different response.

It might have been a minority change but it would have been a significantly noticeable and vocal change.

A lot of posters on here tend to be very even in how they respond but there are some that have an obvious bias on gender, probably due to their own circumstances.

It doesn't make their opinion any less valid but it does tend to stand out quite markedly.

I have a lot of sympathy for the OP.

Knowing your kids are going to X and finding out they are actually 2 to 2.5K miles away is a serious shock / lie and ,on the face of it, totally unnecessary.

To put that into context it is the difference between saying your kids are in Paris and they are actually further away that Moscow (or if you prefer, athens).

It might be the same country but it is a hell of large difference in location, time zone and geography.

**Patty**

miss_independent wrote: »

Can't believe that some people genuinely don't care where their kids are when they are out of the country!

Oh.....some Ex's don't care where their kids are even in THIS country!

I've never asked my ex-husband's agreement to take our 2 on holiday........maybe that's because despite living 2 streets away, he can't manage to see them more than christmas/easter/birthdays

zzzLazyDaisy

miss_independent wrote: »

At any rate, why lie? That in itself isn't very reassuring is it? She is in the wrong imo.

Why lie? Well we don't know anything about OP's relationship with his ex wife. But one possible reason is that OP would refuse permission to take the children out of the country if he knew that the reason was for the children to attend their mum's wedding.

It is not uncommon for ex partners to with-hold permission to take the children abroad as a form of control over the former spouse/partner (I am not saying that is what happened here, but simply that this may be a possible reason). There was a thread a while ago started by the partner of a man with children. In that case the children lived with them as a family unit, but the NRP (the mother in that case) would only give permission for the father to take the children abroad on holiday provided the partner did not go with them.

Of course the correct approach in those circumstances is to go to court and obtain the court's permission, but this is expensive and can be a long drawn out process, so it is no wonder that the parent with the children is sometimes economical with the truth in order to get the necessary permission (I am not saying that is right or fair, but it may shed light on why people sometimes fudge the issue.

miss_independent

zzzLazyDaisy wrote: »

Why lie? Well we don't know anything about OP's relationship with his ex wife. But one possible reason is that OP would refuse permission to take the children out of the country if he knew that the reason was for the children to attend their mum's wedding.

It is not uncommon for ex partners to with-hold permission to take the children abroad as a form of control over the former spouse/partner (I am not saying that is what happened here, but simply that this may be a possible reason). There was a thread a while ago started by the partner of a man with children. In that case the children lived with them as a family unit, but the NRP (the mother in that case) would only give permission for the father to take the children abroad on holiday provided the partner did not go with them.

Of course the correct approach in those circumstances is to go to court and obtain the court's permission, but this is expensive and can be a long drawn out process, so it is no wonder that the parent with the children is sometimes economical with the truth in order to get the necessary permission (I am not saying that is right or fair, but it may shed light on why people sometimes fudge the issue.

Working with families in crisis and even just from personal experience, having parents of different nationalities who went through periods of seperation, I know all too well that this kind of thing happens. My sister in law objected to my parents paying for my brother to take the kids to Disneyworld because she felt she "couldn't compete", not realising it wasn't a competition!

But - OP has stated there wasn't an issue. They have been seperated for 6 years, he is settled, she knew he was happy about her new relationship and he is pleased they got married as he feels that the children will have more stability and a family unit. We don't know the history of this family at all. People have painted him as a control freak when really he just wants to know where his kids really are and if they are being well cared for. There are two sides to every story but if he was that controlling surely he wouldn't have given her permission to take them out if the country at all.

Not saying this about you LazyDazy but too many people have made assumptions on this thread .