Being too generous and how to stop?

The_Boss

matttye wrote: »

Well based on the initial post he has at least an overdraft debt, but whether he has hidden debts or not, he needs to support himself (or the family unit if/when they finally move in together) and not just burden the OP his whole life.

Yes, hence my advice to the OP in my post that you quoted...

matttye

The_Boss wrote: »

Yes, hence my advice to the OP in my post that you quoted...

Sound advice.

I suppose finding a job would be the first step to sorting his life out, although it's easier said than done these days.

notanewuser

matttye wrote: »

Sound advice.

I suppose finding a job would be the first step to sorting his life out, although it's easier said than done these days.

Surely he has a job? The OP says he brings home £300 a week!!!

matttye

notanewuser wrote: »

Surely he has a job? The OP says he brings home £300 a week!!!

Post #14 - "Partner's monthly income after tax....0"

And also she said in the initial post, "bf lives in his OD, no budget, no money."

I didn't see the part where she said he brings home £300 a week so I may be wrong

The_Boss

notanewuser wrote: »

Surely he has a job? The OP says he brings home £300 a week!!!

I'm now starting to worry that this thread is full of contradictions so no idea what the truth is...

notanewuser

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel wrote: »

Yes now I have little debt. Previously I've had a joint debt with ex for £25k - so I HAVE been there counting pennies to buy bread etc. So because I've put all my flexi cash into my debts and nearly paid it off im not allowed back on the DFW board? and yes, if he moved in my benefit for Tax credit would drop by £50 a week. His income is nearly £300 a week so we would be better off by £250 a week if he moved in, not worse.

Here it is.

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

Not sure where the "he doesn't work" came from - certainly wasn't me lol he does work. Earns around a grand after tax. Think it was assumed he didn't work?

matttye

notanewuser wrote: »

Here it is.

Thanks.

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel wrote: »

Not sure where the "he doesn't work" came from - certainly wasn't me lol he does work. Earns around a grand after tax. Think it was assumed he didn't work?

I assumed he didn't work because you're always treating him. That makes it even worse! He's not just a scrounger, he's actually peeing his own money up the wall and then you're spending on him too!

Mara_uk7

Bottom line, Dont break up the relationship, Just stop supporting him financially See what his reaction is when the money supply dries up. Your priority has to be securing your own and your daughters future.

Find_The_Real

This is entirely my own opinion but I don't see it was necessary to revive old posts and having said that onto the question the OP actually posted advice for.

It's not going to be easy but I would ignore all requests from OH to pay for stuff just saying you can't afford it and not to offer to pay for anything either. I would just take out enough cash for you and either leave the cards at home or have them hidden so you do not have easy access to them and be tempted.

If these steps are still causing problems then maybe it is time to reassess where you are heading in the relationship and if it is truly right for you. You have obviously been strong enough to deal with your debts, and to bring your children up without much support from your OH so you can be strong enough to learn to say no, it just takes a lot of willpower and some practice!

Good luck with it all and I hope it works out all ok for you.