Feel like crying

katepnlo

Im glad you have come to a decision you feel ok with.
fwiw speech therapy shouldn't have stopped, she should still get it with a therapist coming into school to do a session weekly and then provide the teacher with work and a plan for her. we looked into private speech therapy, we found out it couldnt be her usual one as it would be a conflict of interests and they weren't allowed. Not that it will be an issue for you with that sort of cash coming in, but i warn you when we looked into it all, for the amount my Lucie needed was about 200.00 per week, that was the the recomended amount of time by her specialist, not us adding any extra on for her. We choose to stick with her NHS therapy and did alot with her our selves....it is not all that dificut.

Also i forgot to say we looked into private schooling for our Lucie, but from what we found out we decided against it, in our area...well they wasnt that great put it that way! state schools were better (shocked me to be honest as dh like you was willing to do what ever it took...crumbs i took her to USA to see specialists as i was !!!!!! off with the system here at the time)

Keep up the good work
kate

catewithers

Hi DD - wonderful that you got the opportunity to talk it all through with Mrs DD last night and so glad you're sounding much more positive.

Obviously, my threat to beat you round the head with a wet trout is what did it.

bluesky78

Hi DD,

I have always just read posts but felt compelled to post something myself after reading your story!
You sound like such a loving Dada and hubby.
I work in the area of special needs and thought I'd offer some suggestions - people to call etc.
I hope this is ok.



The school your daugther is at should not be leaving her in soiled clothes. They are being negligent. This may also be disability discrimination under the DDA - not 100% sure though. If necessary, the LEA should get the provision of this type of care written in to a teachers or support staff's contract so that they have a obligation to help her.

You may want to contact the organisation below for more information and advice on toileting issues.
ERIC Helpline: 0845 370 8008
ERIC (Education and Resources for Improving Childhood Continence)

IPSEA (Independent Panel for Special Education Advice)
0800 0184016
IPSEA provide free advice on special educational needs and other legal issues.
They may be able to help you get more support for your daughter in the classroom written into the statement. Maybe you could look at asking for a re-assessment with the view to getting her statement ammended?? The LEA should be looking at your daughter on an individual basis and not taking in to account where other money could be spent.

The below organisation is for parents and carers of children with speech and language difficulties.
The Afasic helpline - 0845 3 55 55 77
Open 10.30am to 2.30pm Monday to Friday

Might be worth ringing up Dfes and getting some publications such as the SEN Code of Practice and the 1996 Education Act and doing a bit of reading.

Sorry if this is all old info to you but thought I'd just offer a few tips.

Good luck with everything!

Dithering_Dad

catewithers wrote: »

Obviously, my threat to beat you round the head with a wet trout is what did it.

yes, a good 'trouting' always seems to do the trick

When I first joined MSE and was trying to think of an appropriate name (how hard was that?) I almost chose "Worrying Dad" due to the amount of worrying and 'second guessing' I do - for example, "hmmnn, will I be made redundant in 10 years, well I'd better put money away just in case!". See I even worry about being made redundant from companies I don't even work for yet! :rotfl:

I decided on Dithering Dad because at the time I was dithering about wondering if I should go contracting and if I did it might all go wrong so maybe I'm better off staying where I was. I think I must have driven Mrs D insane, until she shouted in her insane baying hell hound way to make my mind up and stick with it!

I'm going to worry myself into an early grave. Hmnn, now I wonder if I have enough life insurance... hmnn, how much do funerals costs... hmnnn should I have white lilly's or white roses on the coffin? ...worry... worry.

EDIT: p.s. I always knew I would have the word "Dad" in my username because I love the fact that I am one .

catewithers

Dithering_Dad wrote: »

yes, a good 'trouting' always seems to do the trick

When I first joined MSE and was trying to think of an appropriate name (how hard was that?) I almost chose "Worrying Dad" due to the amount of worrying and 'second guessing' I do - for example, "hmmnn, will I be made redundant in 10 years, well I'd better put money away just in case!". See I even worry about being made redundant from companies I don't even work for yet! :rotfl:

I decided on Dithering Dad because at the time I was dithering about wondering if I should go contracting and if I did it might all go wrong so maybe I'm better off staying where I was. I think I must have driven Mrs D insane, until she shouted in her insane baying hell hound way to make my mind up and stick with it!

I'm going to worry myself into an early grave. Hmnn, now I wonder if I have enough life insurance... hmnn, how much do funerals costs... hmnnn should I have white lilly's or white roses on the coffin? ...worry... worry.

Lillies - definitely lillies.

jackieb

Hello DD. I kind of know where you're coming from. I have a 19yo son with dyspraxia too.

I think it's appalling what the school is doing to your daughter (regarding wearing normal pants). Have you seen about the problem she has with this yet? My daughter is 11yo and was always dirty. We found out she had encoprisis. Just a thought if you haven't looked into it yet. My daughter only really got help this year.

Dithering_Dad

bluesky78 wrote: »

The school your daugther is at should not be leaving her in soiled clothes. They are being negligent. This may also be disability discrimination under the DDA - not 100% sure though. If necessary, the LEA should get the provision of this type of care written in to a teachers or support staff's contract so that they have a obligation to help her.

According to Mrs Dither, the teachers at the school are not obliged to clean my daughter because "that's not what they're there to do". New teachers apparently have a different contract now where they sign an agreement that they have to help with toiletting and cleaning. I'm not sure if this is just a school policy or a national policy - Mrs D knows all the ins and outs of this.

Mrs D also said that the teachers would probably help Lucy anyway whether it was in their contract or not but they have a class of upto 35 other kids and can't stop teaching all the others just to sort out Lucy. (Mrs DD's utter reasonableness almost caused a row at this point because I wanted to rage on at someone but couldn't). It's not too bad in reception because the teacher has permanent assistants in there but this won't be the case in year 1.

We're also worried about Lu's lack of fear in certain situation. When my missus visited the school to look around with a view to Lu going there, Mrs D turned her back for a second and Lu ran off, followed some kids out of the school and ended up in the park. You can imagine how frantic everyone was until they found her. Lulu would go off with any older child or adult without a second thought. Again in reception, this is not an issue because of the security, but year 1 is with the rest of the school so she won't have the same protection.

The final concern is that Lu is great when she is shown on a 1-2-1 basis, but when the teacher is directing the whole class, Lu doesn't realise that she is included so stop listening and sometimes wander off (sorry, at this point I'm smiling at the mental picture I have of my little Lulu pottering off to the sandpit, oblivious to the teacher's surprised expression). If she doesn't have full support, she'll fall further behind.

All of the wranglings with the local authority is the reason we were thinking about getting her into a private school. I don't have an issue with state schools at all, especially if Lu has support. If she doesn't get that support then we feel that maybe she would be better off in a private school with much smaller class sizes.

Storm

Hi DD :hello:

Just read through this thread, and I would like to chime in agreeing that you must be a GREAT dad, otherwise why would Lucy be missing you?

It may be worth speaking to someone in social services/health/the school about trying to get Lucy a Key Worker (if they've got them in your area yet). It's a new initiative that's gradually being rolled out around the country that aims to bring together support provision for children from all the different statutory agencies to provide a better level of care & support overall. A Key Worker will often act as a champion for the child & family too - doing things like pointing out to the school that she has to wear nappies because of a physical problem, so they've got to lump it!

Also, if Mrs Dither is feeling a bit low she could always try contacting Home Start - they provide support for families with young children in the form of a volunteer who visits once a week or so - just gives and opportunity to talk to someone who's been there themselves and let off steam!

(((((HUGS)))))

Dithering_Dad

jackieb wrote: »

Hello DD. I kind of know where you're coming from. I have a 19yo son with dyspraxia too.

I think it's appalling what the school is doing to your daughter (regarding wearing normal pants). Have you seen about the problem she has with this yet? My daughter is 11yo and was always dirty. We found out she had encoprisis. Just a thought if you haven't looked into it yet. My daughter only really got help this year.

The pediatrician we last went to thought this might be the issue and so Mrs D has to keep a "poo diary" (one of the many diaries she keeps for Lucy' various ailments) with a rating system of hard to soft. We face this a lot where we have to keep logs (pardon the pun) on everything for months before they can make a diagnosis. Apparently if Lucy is constipated, it can cause the poo to harden inside and so softer poo goes around the sides and comes out without her knowing. After having cleaned up hundreds of her (giant) logs from nappies and knickers, I have my doubts about this theory, but we're desperate, so if it this then at least we can then move to treatments. As far as Lu's diet is concerned, it's full of fruit n fibre anyway because Mrs D is such a stickler for healthy eating.

Molanole

Hey DD.

I'm not a parent so can't add much but the choice between working to pay off debts so that you have a better future or investing in the now is one that comes to all of us in our own ways. There are many on here (me included) who are depressed in their jobs but stick it out for the money so that we're debt free earlier. There are equally as many holding down two or three jobs, approaching total burn out again so that they are debt free quicker. The trouble with this is that it's easy to them forget all the reasons that we're trying to be debt free in the first place, we alienate our families, cut ourselves off from friends.

You won't be on your death bed thinking "I should have worked more" but you will regret it if you don't spend enough time with your daughter. By no means am I saying that you should jack it all in but there have been some good suggestions about cutting yourself some slack. Ensure that those weekends you have with Lu are quality weekends but invest some time in your missus too. Even going to the park with a frisbee with the two of them reinforces your family unit and best of all, it's free.

Whatever decision you make though, don't beat yourself up about it. Everything you are doing is with the best and most honourable intentions in the world and that is to be admired.

Chin up fellow Madchester fan.

Mola x