Feel like crying

quantumleap

ZTD wrote: »

What are you like when you are there? Tired? Or do you make loads of time for her?

It's the perennial working parents' problem - time vs money. And GUILT is right through the middle of that like a stake through the heart...

Do what you're doing, but when you do spend time - spend time.

I agree with this! It really is a balance thing, isn't it?

If you feel that perhaps the balance is too heavily in favour of work, is there nothing you could do to adjust it so that you still earn reasonably significant money but also get to spend more time at home.

I'm a great believer in there always being a healty balance. It's just a matter of finding it.

joeblack066

I know and have worked with a fair few kids with Dyspraxia, and they have fared fine in the State Education system. This is a condition that is being understood more and more so your daughter should benefit from the greater understanding whilst at school. Children will always tear at your heartstrings, whether you are there or not. So as a couple, you need to talk this through with complete honesty as to which direction is best for your family. Do you talk to your daughter via MSN, use a web cam etc? Make her feel that Daddy is there even if he's on the other side of the world. Good Luck.

Dithering_Dad

atypicalblonde wrote: »

Hi DD, not much practical advice but virtual support coming your way from me. How old is your daughter? Please don't feel too down xx

She's 4. It's her birthday this Sunday and we're going on a 1 week holiday next week so that'll be really nice.

Debt_Free_Chick wrote: »

Is this your only option? Doesn't the Local (Education) Authority have a duty to provide special assistance for special needs children?

Yes, you'd think so but we live in a nice area but there is a deprived area within the LEA area which has a large asian community so a lot of the educational funds go there because many of the kids don't have English as their first language and so need the support. There is only so much money to go around. She does get half a day's support but really needs the full day.

EDIT: That last statement seemed a tad racist-ish. I hope no one was offended. I did have great difficulty trying to word it. I'm was just trying to point out where the LEA money goes as a priority, and to be honest if you're new to a country and can't speak the language then you need all the help you can get. Just a shame there isn't a bottomless pit for everyone!

Shineyhappy

Oh DD,

I feel so bad for you!

I can see exactly why you are working away and if I were you I would probably aim to keep working away until I was happier with my financial position. Your wife is with your daughter and that is so important as she knows that she hasnt been left.

Have you thought about sending little presents home for her? Make them fun and keep them as regular as possible so she will expect them if you work away and she will have something to look forward to imbetween visits.

An obvious thing to say is that to make sure you make the most of your visits home. I would ask your wife to come up with ideas for days out and speak to your daughter and give her some options so she can chose whether you bake cakes or go to the zoo.

Would it be possible for her and your wife to come and visit you for a long weekend in the school holidays occasionally?

Have a big virtual hug as you must not be feeling too great. However this won't be going on forever so hang on for now and take it one job at a time.

Dead_Eye_Jones

10k a month! Thats a lot of cash by anyone's standards! How much money do you really need? Presumably you could buy a small house outright with that income and be less reliant on future large earnings. Lets face it, most of us get by on a lot less money, a guy at my work has two severely disabled kids and seems to be able to provide for them on a fraction of that income - but I guess everyone's story is different. Ijust wonder if you are wasting cash elsewhere or if you expectations are out of line. Other people cope..?!

Maybe some lifestyle changes can save you some cash. If I were you Id be tempted to do 1-2 years and ensure that every penny is saved, Id then buy a modest house mortgage free. Alternativly, are you able to do one or two contracts a year and spend some time at home. Sounds like you'll still be earning more than most of us!


Best of luck, being away from family is not fun

Conor_3

joeblack066 wrote: »

I know and have worked with a fair few kids with Dyspraxia, and they have fared fine in the State Education system. This is a condition that is being understood more and more so your daughter should benefit from the greater understanding whilst at school.

Seconded. One of my newphews has a learning disorder and the help they've given him at school is unbelievable. THey thought my no.2 son was possiblyt a bit slow too and the raft of stuff available to us was amazing. Fortunately for us, it turned out that he wasn't a slow learner - he has a behaviour issue which basically meant that he didn't want to do the tests as he has issues with things that he's not expecting.

Donedoingdebt

I'm not in your position regarding work choices, but I do know that I have valued being there as my kids have been growing up & would not have wanted to miss it for the world. Money can be made in the future, but you'll never relive your child/ren growing up.

Dithering_Dad

Rout wrote: »

My dad worked away for years when I was younger, I didn't appreciate why at the time, but realise now that everything he did was for my sister and I. I know now that he hated being away from his wife and kids, and we both know now that he selflessly worked in another country for years so our life would be better. He still has the manky old photograph of us that he kept in his briefcase and woke up to every morning.

This may not help right now, but in time your daughter will know that all you have done is for her. Thats certainly doesnt make you a bad dad. If they were all like you the world would be a much better place I reckon.

Michael.

My Dad worked 12 hour shifts and so we didn't see much of him. I know now that he was doing it all for us but I don't have as close a relationship with him as I could have had if he was home more. This is also what's worrying me with my Lu.

catewithers

DD - I'm so sorry you're struggling. No wonder though - that's a real tearjerker to hear your daughter saying that.

I guess part of the issue about your DD's dyspraxia is how severe it is. I work with students and 2 of mine have dyspraxia - admittedly they are A level students so considerably older than your daughter, but have both fared alright in the state system - but I know that Dyspraxia manifests itself in different difficulties and varying degrees of severity in different cases. I'm assuming she's been fully assessed by an educational psychologist? Are you sure you need to fund private education? Would it be a better target to have enough cash to pay for extra tuition while leaving her the state system? This would enable you to look at being at home more, or at least sooner.

There may also be charities and grant making trusts that you're eligible to apply to for extra help for her.

Just a few thoughts... rambling a bit!!!

Lots of love and hugs.

moonlightpjs

Hi DD
I'm sorry to hear that you're so upset. My son, Samuel who is 7 also has Dyspraxia, he didn't speak until he was nearly 5 and has really bad co-ordination, he also has had learning difficulties and I must say that going to school full time has brought him on in leaps and bounds, he still stuggles a bit but is doing so much better. We appplied for Learning Assistance when he was statemended (sp?), has Lucy had this? and whilst we were not given full days, he now has half a day 3 times a week one to one with a Teaching Assitant who is a saint. (Originally this was 5 days a week in Reception). Is it all possible to move Lucy to a different school where the teaching assitants are not too stretched IYKWIM?

Also, just an idea but we tried giving Sam EYE Q liquid - he has about three spoonfuls a day and this has helped him no end, in fact I would go as far to say that I don't think he would be where he is now without it. His reading and writing have improved dramatically and his speech, whilst not always understandable to other people when he talks quickly, is fantastic. I cannot recommed it enough.

I'm not too sure what I would do if I were you regarding changing jobs etc so cannot offer any advice there but I'm sure you will make the right choice for you and our family.

Big Hugs to you xxx